pinked

2008-01-16T05:12:00.000-08:00

heys.

i've decided to abandon my poor bloggie. lol.

seems unbelievable that it's only been 2 weeks since school started! i still miss dhs, kinda. miss seeing familiar faces around.. miss being in the company of ppl who know me better than i know myself.

but so far, school's great. i had so damn much fun in orientation. all the cheers and the games and the dances. running around suntec fountain. dunking people into seas at east coast park.. (oops did i say dunk? no dunking allowed! we all fell. -.-)... i love cynergy and i'm glad we're still a close bunch!

there was all the cca try outs. cheerlead. floorball. odac b2b camp (I STAYED OVERNIGHT IN PULAU UBIN WHEEE EUNICE!!!). medical society. h&f. and many many loads more lol.

so so much is going on with my life. and im jus trying to catch up with rest, and living my life! at the same time, i dn wanna lag in my studies, ever. =)

one life. live it. here's to the memories i've made in my short two weeks! and the many many more to come..

go eunice! yes, i'm happy. =)

2007-12-26T07:31:00.000-08:00

i think, that there are many kinds of agony in this world. death, the feeling that someone has left you for good, forever. heartbreak, the feeling that someone can be standing right in front of you, yet he's no longer the person you once knew and love. hunger, the rumbling feeling inside which you'd do anyting to get rid of. emptiness, having nothing wrong in ur life, yet having nothing right.

and the one agony which i think you'll be super duper lucky not to have, the one which you'll nv know how bad it feels unless u experience it urself.. When ur parents are fighting.

it's ok. it's common. it's not life threatening. i can deal with this. but i really, really, really dont need this now. not when i'm just so confused and i feel like i'm crumbling inside. not when i cant deal with my own emotions and reality. im sick and tired of feeling like im a pile of shit. i want to come home and be able to snuggle in my family's usual warmth and feel safe.

im positively calmer now. but no matter how i look at it, my life still feels like shit. s.h.i.t. and no, im not the type of girl who likes to say shit. i hate shit. which is another way of saying i hate myself.

it's been a lousy christmas. this year, i so got into the festive mood. there was attachment, n all the fun attachment brought. the christmas parties. the friendships. helping the elderlies and watching them smile. watching their face lit up as we gave presents sang carols and do christmassy things.. but no matter wad, christmas nv failed to be shit for me. year after year after year.

go to sleep, woman. im sorry.

2007-12-21T01:06:00.000-08:00

i've been telling myself i'll blog i'll blog i'll blog for so freaking long and now that i'm here i jus feel like deleting this blog lol. but no i knw i'll wan to read back my thoughts someday.

=x i think it's so true wad wen said, that it's easier to blog when you're emo then when you're feeling happy. and the worse thing is trying to blog when you have so many emotions running through you lol. it's a lil wierd to go "hey blog i'm currently feeling pissed lazy happy excited scared wierd sad depressed and uh, contradictive". -.-

two more weeks till school reopens. except that i wont be going back to dhs anymore.. yea i got into vj. =) after all the tears & the fears and the confusion i've decided to just go. as much as i'm sure of my choice i'm going to miss dunman high alot. there're many things i wont forget, like how teachers really try to show they care; folding paper birds for every single student.. the karaoke stress-relief sessions.. writing jiayou notes before exam and all the best notes after that. i wont forget my frens.. the times we slack around the classroom or canteen.. the times we walk round and round the track just talking.. i wont forget the games the laughter or the simple everyday fun-ness of my school life there.

but as wad melissa said, secondary's school is "home". and jc is "family".. home's comfortable. home's where you are not afraid to do wad you want to do. but home's also where you scratch your butt, fart or burp. home can be ugly at times... yes indeed. i'm not a bad student, but sometimes i miss classes. or miss school. becos i dont care. & becos i knw i can get away with it. i'm comfortable with home. but it's time i step away from it isnt it? hah. i'll have to leave sooner or later, why not now?

cos at the end of the day, it's jus choosing where i want to take my A lvls. and i'm sorry. i feel like a traitor, but my parents & i both think that if i can why not choose to take it at somewhere which is experienced in handling the exam? meanwhile, i'm kinda excited and scared at the same time to meet new ppl & jus have fun. =xbut ya la i've worked hard and i will continue to work hard. becos like wad darling said "I do hope and wish that two years later we'll be in the same situation: trying hard to get into the same school(university) and ending up being god-damned happy 'cause our dream came true once again." Agreed! =D next stop, medical school!

i'm really sure i want it. doctor eunice lim. somedays i look at myself and think; how is it possible? me, 157cm tall, small-sized and small-brained. i wonder if i'll ever have to skill, the knowledge and the expertise to take a knife and cut it through someone lying on the operating table. someone breathing. someone with life. and one mistake can take away his life. and probably ruin the lives of those waiting outside the room for him. but i want to be able to do it, to be able to help, to be able to cure.. & i'm willing to learn for years to do it.

sometimes i think i'll make a really bad doctor. becos the one secret to my not-so-bad results (to me_..) is SLEEP. never ever plan anything the day before exam, jus sleep man! haha. but now, when i work, i find that when i'm tired i'm jus cranky. when i'm cranky i'm impatient. when i'm impatient i'm careless. and then, i make mistakes. mistakes that i cant make. like mixing up curam & lacteofort and telling the patient to dissolve curam in water omg it'll probably ruin the curam. =x

i forgot who told me, that when you're interning as a new doctor in the hospital.. it's hell. sometimes you have to work 40 hrs straight. your boss scolds u, patients scold u. and u're jus so used to being awake that even when you're taking a few hrs nap u're not really sleeping... and when u make mistakes, it's becos u're an intern, not becos u havent slept for 3 days.. god. i wonder if i can live through that. now i get pissed off jus becos my lunch is shortened hahaha.

u knw! my sister's boyfren's sister (also 16) got into medicine in Australia!! OMG my dream! and then... she missed the reply date. -.- so they gave her place to someone else. oh my god lah how can like that?! i dont understand. if it means so much to you, how can u forget?

dont let emotions control you, you control them. i think every girl has got moments of cant-stand-so&so... jus feel like shouting out "FUCK OFF FOREVER" or reaching out to strangle that person. (i cant count the number of times i almost strangled woon, that's for sure) jus so freaking pissed off that saying anything or doing anything to let u vent will feel better. but i've learned better since then... sometimes, some things once said or done cant be taken back.. at the end of the day, it's easier to ask urself wad you really want. do you really want to never talk to that person again? do u really want that person dead; or jus to know how pissed u are and hopefully change. it's not easy, but swallow the anger. and once the moment pass things will be fine.

OH the other day i was playing pool with yun, cyn, and woon. i almost died laughing. stupid woon plays pool by trapping the other team or forcing them to hit the black ball in. -.- crazy lah! haha. and i was like asking woon "eh u knw i change job alr?" and he said "ya. i got read ur blog one okay. u got say bad things abt me when when when" LOL. oh dear. i thought woon only uses his com to type six page long history essays. i din know he reads as well. hahahaha.

and we were walking when suddenly cyn made an "arwwgggggghhhh" sound and fell flat on the floor.. we were all so freaked out lah thought she tripped over her laces or sth.. in the end it's becos her phone vibrated and gave her a shock as she thought someone was trying to steal her money. MUAHAHAHAH that girl! care more abt her wallet than her life.

oh yes and i love attachment to cheshire home. it's jus how simple activities can mean so much. it's jus how talking abt nothing, (like what's the best boob size or wad's the best way to show that eunice is taller than shawn) can be fun. =)

alright so in conclusion of this long & quite senseless and pointless blogpost.. i guess i jus wanna say im enjoying the present and looking forward to the future.. and that.. im a lousy blogger and shld delete my blog. lolol.

goodbye.

2007-12-12T06:32:00.000-08:00

i'm in the heck-this-blog kinda mood again. lol. i think every blogger goes through this phase.. the i-want-to-delete-my-blog-and-every-stupid-word-i've-ever-written phase. but i shall not!

=/ i shld blog abt my hongkong trip. spam my 1000 pictures. (mind you i have around 100 shots of pandas. 100 shots of the disney christmas parade & 100 of the ocean park fishy things... all thanks to my super enthu daddy -.- ) yes i should. but not now.

becos now. i dnknw why. but the air around me feels different. it feels like i need to make an effort to keep myself breathing. becos im so darn worried. i havent been sleeping well. havent been eating well. i wanted to gain at least 4kg in hongkong. but i came back to sing to find out i've lost another.

funny how my mum thinks the way to get me to eat more is to pile up a huge mountain of rice in my bowl. it just makes me feel like vomitting. WHO EATS A MOUNTAIN? ppl eat nice little piles of rice, mum. not mountains.

rah whatever.

so this is how it feels like. not knowing what to feel.

*if your heart is in your dream.. no request is too extreme..*
i hope so.

2007-12-05T08:03:00.000-08:00

.. so admist my busy life i found myself sitting in the dental chair again. & everytime i think there's just no possible way my braces can get any tighter, dr boey will just pull out some new stuff and make it tighter. first it was stupid contracting wires, then now it's twelve chained link rubberbands. ew.. okay only the braces community will knw wad im talking abt but still- who think of all these stuff? once the teeth is straight (which mine is abt 9mths ago) we shld jus get the braces out. =D and then i can eat corn without fear of it being stuck hahahaha. -_-

and then i found myself going to the other end of singapore, this ulu camp on diaryfarm road, CHOA CHU KANG (god knws i've never stepped anywhere near there before).. camping. let's see. i've been to about 20+ camps before, and everytime before i go i wonder why i signed up for it. lol. well. im just really not a sleeping-bag person i guess. hahaha. i HATE sleeping bags. who created the idea of humans sleeping in bags anyway. humans sleep on BED.. but oh well. if not for sleeping bags i'd probably sleep on the floor, so i jus quit complaining. but as alws i feel like my bones were breaking the nxt morning.

okay i digressed. where was i? oh yea the camp. it was a Youth Volunteer camp, and the whole objective of the camp is to get ready for the attachment programme helping out at some elderly home. i think i signed up for it in a moment of folly hahaha. but it turned out to be a pleasant surprise. wad really impressed me was that the people there all sort of all signed up from their own free will... so thus, everyone was really enthu & high & really volunteers for things. i also really learnt alot, like how to handle wheelchairs & autistic children.

i love my group. i was comfortable with them, and they were so enthu & nice to niao ahaha. there were the usual camp games, all the water/dirt/teambuilding games. but wad i really liked was that everyone was sporting and we bonded as a group bah. sounds cliche, but it's really not easy to bond with strangers yet they made it easier by being so open and sharing things. =) i'm just sorry i could only go for such a short time.

all in all it was a great experience. there was also the disability lunch, where we were blindfolded and expected to eat lunch, like OMG lah HOWWW DO U EAT A FREAKING CHICKEN WING ha. and the YV song with sign language that i'll nv forget. oh & my cute angel haha.

*we come from different places, hail from different paths
we wear our different faces, but we're joined at our hears*

for this how we sing our song sing it bright & sing it strong
for though we're young we stand up tallheart to heart we'll nv fall.

=D

then i found myself at guitar concert with the guitar ppl & yun. the music was beautiful, but it made us sleepy. hahaha. even our instructor had tears in his eyes (i'm willing to bet my life it's from yawning more than being touched) and me & yun basically tried to whisper to eachother and try not to get glared at. hahaha. after that we went for supper and we talked all the way. i love how 2hrs of talking to that girl feels like 2 minutes. =)

remember. remember. remember. life goes on.

2007-12-03T07:39:00.001-08:00

i used to like this line alot.. "life can be summed up in three words. it goes on."

but now. i just don't know if it's true. i don't know if it can go on. correction, if i can go on..

oh ye of little faith.

day after day i've prayed, with no proof anyone could hear. prayed with every single ounce of faith i have left in me. prayed for the miracle that never happened. prayed that there'll be a reason why things happen. faith; faith is believing without seeing.. but may i ask, what's there to believe, when there's nothing to hope?

i dont know what im talking abt exactly. except that things havent been going well at all these few days. to the problems without solutions, questions without answers... what's left to be done? i nvr realised that the hardest thing in life is accepting the things that you cannot change.

i cant seem to stop reading these days, from spine-chilling thrillers to *LaughOutLoud* screwed-up-life comedies to *sobsob* normal-average-melodrama-complicated-love-stories... =) i really salute every writer in the world... i love the way i can know someone else's story, even if it's just fiction. & there's the serial dramas too! people keep telling me i shld read non-fiction instead. but i cant help choosing fantasy over reality.. there were the movies too. i tink im crazy 4 movies in 1.5wks. hero. stardust. gameplan. & enchanted!! =) it's hard to believe there ARE happily-ever-afters now but it is nice fantasizing isnt it. lol.

but most of all it's just been work & more work. i'm finally taking a break tmr though. going to camp =) with jing&lyon.. rly hope there'll be time to chat. and also guitar concert with yun l8! then it'll be hongkonggg!! =D

ciao.

i find it amazing that it's been 4yrs & you've never seen me cry. & i tink in these 4yrs i've cried more than my whole first 12yrs of life. you've accompanied me through the saddest days in my life & yet you've never let me cry. alws using your own crazy means to tell me somehow it'll be fine. & it alws is. i wish i could believe you one more time that it'll be fine. darling, i wish i could too.

2007-11-30T07:22:00.000-08:00

everytime i think of moving house, i want to puke. mummy says there's NOWAY i'm moving all my barang barang there & i'll have to throw away my collections whether i like it or not. i dnknw i jus dnfeel like throwing away my sticker collection & my letters/postcards & my tissue wrapper collection MUAHAHAHA.. (yes i collect everyting) alright. it's time for me to contribute to my friends.. i shall sacrifice for the sake of mankind. people you can come to my hse & take wad you like away from me.. except my squishie my happy & my virginity. LOL.. go on, take my childhood away from me. =( eh, you all must act like you very interested in my things okay dun diao hahah.

ROAR. i cant believe daddy's actually painting the whole entire freaking house so that we can get a better price when we sell it. i told him i'm allergic to paint & cannot help. he said then he's sure i'd be allergic to pocketmoney from him next year. but i dun tink he'll remember for so long bah so nvm. i wonder if im unfillial. well, i did pour him a cup of coke so i dntink so bah. lala. it feels nice that our whole family is so excited abt getting a new house though. i shall get my pink room with a pink bed & a pink cupboard & a pink table & a fluffy pink chair. (okay that seems like THE ultimate bimbo statement, but it's alws been my secret dreamhouse wad! i cant believe i live in a purple/yellow/green study room for SIXTEEN years) daddy told me that unless i want to live in happy's cage and let happy live in my room i better stop fussing. FINE.

oh & everytime i get reminded of you. i puke. o.o

i fell sick ytd. i think i caught the virus from one of the patients. doctor has told me sooo many times nt to put my drink at the counter where viruses from the patients can go in, but i alws forget. it was so bad, being sick. everytime i fall sick i tell myself I MUS NT FALL SICK AGAIN but then i'd get well & screw those health thingies. =x it's funny though normally ppl say, sick ah? dont go work lor. me.. it's sick ah. MUS GO WK. get medicine! & i dntink i can fake an mc huh.. anw doc was real sweet yea keep asking me to rest & he examined me abt 3 times a day lol. & i got well that day..

sooo many things to look forward to! TMR'S PAYDAY! whoohoo!! darlings are finally coming back from halfway round the world soon & there's gonna be loads of shopping/chatting/mahjonging. i've jus found out stupid yeehan plays mahjong too so that's another person whose money i can aim for.. I WANT TO PLAY WITH HER I BET I'LL WIN LOADS OF MONEY. lalala~ & there's hongkong! i alws feel like hyperventilating when i think abt it because

1) i need to sit on a plane there.

2) i'm going SHOPPING! EATING! cold weather & white christmas in DISNEY. =)

3) i need to sit on a plane BACK.

i love happy's pink nose.

2007-11-27T05:45:00.000-08:00

one of my darlings alws like to say "omg eunice such things will only happen to you".. sadly, true.

go on, laugh.. just when i think i'm a great clinic assistant & begin to gain confidence, such things alws happen... those in brackets are my thoughts.

EMBARASSING INCIDENT #1

*bells jingle* door open. a woman with massive amount of cleavage walks in.

me: hello welcome. you'll be miss......?

woman: MISTER anthony lo.

me: ....... (omg a tranvestite. i knw those boobs couldnt be real, hah!! )

EMBARASSING INCIDENT #2

me: mdm liu i have your medication. *sees grey-hair auntie* (oh better speak chinese) 这个药是for... (crap wad's choresterol in chinese?!) uhh.... ....

auntie: chloresterol is 胆部唇 in chinese. and btw, your label on the medication is spelled wrongly. it's C-H-L-O-R-E-S-T-E-R-O-L..

me: ......... (mental post-stick: don't underestimate aunties nowadays)

EMBARASSING INCIDENT #3

doc: come eunice, is this Ahku or Ahbu?

me: *no idea* uhhh...

doc: you cant read your own writing??

me: *smiles* how abt you ask the patient?

doc: ... uhh. okay.. no offense but your handwriting reminds me of me daughter's.

me: oh you have a daughter? how old is she?

doc: five.

me: .............................................. (eh i also nvr complain abt your handwriting! like that shoot me sia)

EMBARASSING INCIDENT #4

doc: eunice remember you must label for itch/rash/runnynose/asthma for xyzal.. & bormycin is antibotic & also for acne.

me: *hurriedly scrawls down*

doc: it's okay take your time to write no hurry.

doc: no that's wrong became is for blocked nose & runny nose, not just runny nose.. it's okay slowly write the patients can wait.

me: *wails* NO. i want to go toilet!!

EMBARASSING INCIDENT #5

me: miss your medication. this is for *bla bla bla recites* yah it's all written down so you can just refer to it.

miss: what is this.. No sea.. cannot bring to sea?

me: uhh no. it's norsea. you knw, feeling like you want to vomit?

miss: HAHAHA U MEAN NAUSEA IS IT?

me: ..... oh spelling error lah.

*cough cough from the doctor's room*

EMBARASSING INCIDENT #6

doc: eunice do you mind filing this card for me?

me: *says sweetly* sure no prob. (oh shit family name is V the V drawer is at the bottom & is alws stuck. sure enough it got stuck! i was like pulling with all my negligible strength and i landed on my butt.. -.- so i cursed and swore. and then, it cannot be closed! so i started kicking it.. then...)

doc: *ah-hem* eunice is there a problem? need help?

me: ...... when did you come out of your room?

doc: uh. i saw you fall?

me: (oh no he saw me land on my butt. and curse and swear. and kick his drawer) *smiles sweetly* no problem. the drawer got stuck. i'll handle it.
sigh. he must think i'm mental.

EMBARASSING INCIDENT #7

doc: eunice, where do you normally cut your hair?

me: (acty normally i cut at whatever offer shop i can find. i tink i rock lah i alws cut hair at less than 10 dollar place.. i've tried $4 shops okay. hahaha most of the times nobody can spot the difference anw since i'm just trimming. there were suicidal haircuts though. anw i cant possibly tell him i cut at TENDOLLAR.COM SALON right.. it's at boonkeng mrt & it's only $6.90! i find it quite nice. but still- i cant recommend to him he's a doctor! so i said the first thing that came to my mind......) uh. i dont.

doc: you dont cut hair...?!

me: *pretends i'm busy*

-10 seconds later-

doc: but i thought there's a difference in your hair last week & this week?

me: (oh no! i jus cut hair hor!! how!! i cant dao him right!! HOW) uhhh... oh yah i forgot! you see i cut at this ten minutes ten dollars shop! it's so quick! and clean! and nice! so quick that i forgot! *flash big smile*

..... (eunice lim, even i thought that was lame.)

current mood: emo.

my bunny emo with me! she emo cos she's fat. (im serious) hahaha. see the glass cut her stomach le... she keep emo-ing. sigh. emo happy. oxymoron hahaha.

i dnknw wad's worse. knowing. or not knowing. 3dec. 17dec. argh i see sleepless nights no matter wad. & for goodness sake can we stop quarrelling? =x

2007-11-22T08:06:00.000-08:00

heys.

if i were to look back at the november'07 in the future, i'd remember it as having 1 crazy fun-filled day in town followed by 10 days of workworkwork. pherhaps this makes the day in town more memorable anw.

my work schedule's really quite bad though. there're 3 shifts: morn, afternn, night. i used to wk all the afternn (the slackiest) only, but apparently auntie lillian (wking morn)'s son is getting married/daughter jus gave birth so she doesnt want to work too. so now i cover morn to afternn. THEN. jessica lim (watashiwa sister) is having exams, so she's nt wking mon wed nights & wkends. so now im working morn, afternn, mon, wed nights + wkend. AND THEN. madienna (tue thurs night)'s sister is in hospital, so she doesnt want to work TOO.

so now.. it becomes..

doctor: eunice, who's wking tonight?

me: uh.. let me see.. oh, me?

doctor: oh. who's wking tmr morn?

me: me?

doctor: afternn?

me: me??

doctor: *tries not to laugh* night?

me: ME!!

doctor: LOL how come??

me: *whines* all of them dnwan to work le..

doctor: are u okay then? if not okay must tell me you know. any complaints? is my handwriting horrible? (duh, but i din know he knows) what matters most is you're happy working here...

me: =) happy...

& really, i am happy. I love the smell of medicine. & i like the way im trusted to open & close up the clinic myself. Everyday, i'd measure my height & weight to see if i've miraculously grown overnight (i'm 158 with shoes on & i jus knw i'll turn 159 TMR) (oh & i'm 46.2kg in the morn, 46.5 after dinner).. listen to the stethoscope & try to determine whether the dubdubs of my own heart is healthy.. & my favourite activity: sit on the doctor's chair and imagine i'm a real doctor.. =D it's like barbie in a dream hse!

Of course, there're still times i'd blunder up, like mixing up people & having totally no idea how to use a fax machine.. or where the x-tray report went.. & i do so hate it when patients glare at me while waiting for their turn. (IT'S NT MY FAULT!!).. & sometimes i had to deal with gross images that makes me feel like missing lunch when i chaperon female patients (like this woman had a tumor on her private part it was all bloody. & this girl who cut her wrist & u can see her tendrons).. i'm glad to say i was professional tho. & surprisingly had steady hands. overall i'm a better assistant with fewer mistakes as days pass.. & the occasional "well-done", "excellent, eunice!" never fails to make my days.

try finding "kurrupiah kumar mohhadmad s/o A veeranisam muhhamad Tahir" in rows of rows of records though.

& oh yes, the worse thing abt my job? the TEMPTATIONS. right in front of me is the anti-depression pills. Imagine living in a large, protected bubble. Or i can make everyone around me happy too! but imagine if the bubble breaks.. =x crash back to reality. no thanks. then there're the sleeping pills. no more sleepless nights/bad dreams! but.. take 5 of them? & HALLELUJAH! turn into sleeping beauty. except you wun wake up even if your prince kisses you 50 times... no thanks i dun trust myself. & the MOST tempting of all.. THE MC BOOK!!! all signed, right in front of me. NO MORE SCHOOL. and wad a business i'll make... selling mcs. hahaha. NO EUNICE NO. *self-restraint* people trust you.

well. the big question is.. wad am i going to do with my 900dollar pay? =) i can buy 3 more bunnies! i can buy pretty dresses! 500 donuts! 90 plates of pasta! 90 movies! haha. *surprise surprise* though, wad i FEEL like doing is putting it aside to save up for the OMYGOD PINK vaio laptop...! but oh well. wad i WILL do is acty to take 300 to support myself, and give the rest to daddy.. =) money's tight now. we're trying to raise over 20k for renovation of our new hse (ICANTWAIT) & there's still the HK trip... i knw the $ is alot to me, and probably a meagre amt to daddy mummy so it's quite silly huh. but i jus wanna feel like im doing sth. anything. to watch them frown less.

AND ANW. i can alws whine and pout and drop hints abt that laptop next yr after we've sold this house. and who knows what might happen then? =P

prob is i seriously doubt 300 is enough d way im going lol. jus came home from giving my sister a treat.. ouch $50.. i dnmind though she has probably treated me 50 times. but.. darlings, pls dun ask me for treats k. =P if i'm a millionaire i wld. prob is. money doesnt grow in my garden.. okay i dn even have a garden. sigh.

time's rushing by & the only thing that makes me slow down & feel that time's rushing by is coming home each day and realising that happy has grown.. again! a little rounder, a little fatter.. ah. just remembering her makes me smile. i love my bunny.

awww. she's like a soft toy come to life.

EVERYONE NEEDS A BUNNY. go get yours today! & he/she will be a invited to happy's bday party nxt yr! it'll really be "HAPPY bday" hahahah get it?

i miss our emails.

-holdmetight-

2007-11-18T07:24:00.001-08:00

eight O' clock get out of bed,
feel like a truck ran over my head.
another day of work & being late.
skip breakfast cos i gotta go.
aint got time to take it slow.
and i'll tie my hair tomorrow.

whee.. i think i can officially declare myself moodswing queen.. one push and i'm flying all the way up in happiness again... =) happy bunny happy family happy me! =.+

somedays i just wanna rage and storm and ROARRR at the sky and ask heavens WHY ME!?!... but then the days will come where i just wanna embrace the whole damn big sky and say oh thank heavens.. =) guess the world's fair afterall.. yepps, right now i'm feeling pretty darn lucky indeed.

two weeks into the job, and i love this job.. just found out that i get paid $7/hr, but night & weekend shifts are $8/hr, and ph are $9/hr..! & basically my job consists of finding the patient's card, den taking medicine for the patient later consultation.. at first i was so afraid of the medicine cupboard, taller and about 20 times wider than i am. but experience has let me memorised everything. =) i can remember all the medicine & their locations now. n it just becomes so much easier.. i love medicine. love the knowledge that these little pills can make people feel better..

meanwhile when the doc is seeing patients i get to sit in an aircon and slackkkk.. he even encourages me to bring snacks, & he alws say "it's okay you do ur own things i'll handle the patients". =D love my job. i often read books.. i don't look it, but i love to read. i've never stopped going to the library.. & the hrs fly by when i read, though i have to stop to take cards/medicine.. i can also doodle in my book, i even brought cross stitch to do lol! yippee!

it's really ironic though. when i was working as a salesgirl for $5/hr the boss whole day give bs face and make sarcastic comments.. now, i'm paid so much more, yet the doctor alws say "eunice do you mind doing ... ?" "eunice can please .." haha. i dnknw whether i'm just lucky, but i'm gonna remember damn well if i ever become a boss that people are just working for the money, you dont have to make life hard for them..

AND AND AND. the best thing abt my job? i'm alws late. yet the doctor alws say "nevermind"... AND i'm supposed to end work at 1pm/10pm. yet i'm alws home by 12.30 or 9.30. muahaha.. my doctor's a family man. =) i'm a family girl too. so we're all happy ending work early. hahaha.

so tonight, i stood under the sky and looked up.. & thank the brightest star up there for shinning on me. i love the sky. alws did, alws will. love how small i seem under it. love how everyone in the world is looking at it.

feels so darn funny that cyn is in china/taiwan/hongkong while yun's in LA. like if they're seeing this at the same time one will be in darkness & the other will be in daylight. haha.

muahahaha note the vests.. we din have courage to wear vest cos it seems such a long-ago-fashion but buy already mah! so jio to wear tgt. we realise that it's damn throwface to be wearing the same thing though.. so if u see two vested women hiding behind pillars, yes it's us.

due to their lousy camera skills all the shots with me is blurred.. only the shots i took not blur. but dun care my blog must have ME! =) look cyn's new $100 haircut hahahahaha we laughed for 3mins nonstop..

look so seh hor. =) pictures lie. you dnwanna see my break.

IM GOING SHOPPING TMR..

muahahahah of course the advantage of working is that i can take such pictures.. =)) lalala. oh no. wad if after i post this picture got many guys come chase me... den i have to wonder whether they love ME or my money! =__= anw yah. that was payday. now, i'm left with one blue.. o.o

oh & i got a guitar from my darling cousin! *fantasizes abt myself playing melodious tunes*

2007-11-12T21:10:00.000-08:00

okay let me see. to date, i have about thirteen 1000 word drafts that i either deleted or plan to delete soon. lol.. becos i simply din knw wad to post. which is, rather stupid.. dere's only a thin line btw "thoughts" & "secrets" afterall..

i've alws been fascinated watching the sky turn from dark to light, then light to dark again. in the hour of dusk, the transition btw day & night, you get to see pink clouds matching a pinkish sky... & then slowly but surely, you knw that another day will come.

now though, it feels like days & nights have been blended together.. the days rush by without me knowing wad date or wad day it is.. i'm living, i'm laughing i'm working.. i love my girls. i love catching up. i love the fun. i love outings. i love karaoke outings, class chalets, and wildwildwet. i love our talks.

PICTURES~! okay i decided not to wait for ms. ong.. so here're some i kupp. =P

last day of school..

i'm gonna miss ms. low asking us to stop talking in her class lol~

HAHAHA cynthiasm is spreading.. I LOVE MONEY.

jolene with her penguin pose.. bwahaha LOOK how TALL i am.. i alws hit the ceiling in class one lor. zzz. =)

eunice v.s. meiyun K.O!

eunice wins! (im more seh, duh)

seeing double?

mirrors in the halls. =)

4B chalet.

i love 4B... somehow there's never really a time for us all to say goodbye to 4B, though we knw it's the last chalet. though we knw it's the last commencement day.. we all knw in our hearts we'll miss 4B like siaosiaosiao. but we jus dnwanna cry & get emo all over it... what for? let's just laugh and have fun.. 4B's made up of 36 very different indivisuals; without any one of us it wldnt be 4B. yet we're all practical people that support and tell eachother "heys that's life". =) i'm a very different girl entering and leaving 4B. and i'll nv forget the days we had... yet i knw all of 4B is looking forward to the future yeah? i'm definitely looking forward to the future 10-yrs-later 4B outing where we'll all have accheived our dreams one way or another. (my taitai club! hahaha)

i like how we all helped eachother climb.. wheeee~ do you see me?

of course not. i'm nt there. lol!
i'm HERE!!! see me? yea the lowest one. -.- ppl slow mahhh.

jolene(right): "ohhh noo. do i really have to dance with him?!"

javier(left): "ohhh yes. move the treee so i can get to my beloved!!"

nana: "i'm a happy tree!" (she's rly very enthu to be the tree i dnknw why LOL)

i'm still looking for the picture with jing's poledance and my darling kissing another woman.

i tink it's cool that 2F gets tgt so often. lol.. rushed down from work. i love these girls! i enjoyed 2F chalet.. movies. www. bbq. & my 17th failed attempt to watch sunrise.

so much is happening that i want to record & remember, that i want to blog about.. yet at the same time it feels like there's pretty much nothing. i'm simply drifting.

my work schedule is making me feel like i cant breathe. there's so much i wanna do, yet everytime i make plans with frens we'd go.. "when?" and look at eachother and know that time doesnt allow those plans to realise. it sucks..

i changed my job already though.. i'm now working at a clinic.. i keep telling people that i'm a receptionist. but once someone asked the doctor "eh u change receptionist?" he replied coolly "that's my new assistant." =) it seems like a small thing but it matters alot! i'm a doctor's assistant!

the pay is good, but it's hard. there's alot to learn, alot to remember, and it's stressing me up. how, how on earth do i remember that dexcophan, became is for cough, (difference is that became cause drowsiness) bromhexine is for phlegm & how many times they must be eaten a day? how do i remember that xyral is for itch or runny nose, ponston is for fever/pain & must be eaten tgt with famotide for gastric prevention..? how do i remember wad is zrytec, domperidon, salbutamol, saerogenta & more more more...! & the ridiculous thing is that these long medicine names are the least of my worries.. there're ridiculous patients who simply DEMAND their turn, who complain & complain and do all sorts of funny things like ask me for discount or sth. like wad can i do right i'm not the doctor!

yet on another hand, i love this job. i'm learning alot, and i have an idea wad it'd be like to be a doctor. i get to watch when he does ECG (heart scanning) for female patients, when he does injections.. i learnt to handle blood tests, and i knw more abt sicknesses now... i love medicine.. & I WANT TO BE A DOCTOR!! it doesnt hurt that my boss is handsome & very nice too. =P (he's married. i knw meiyun will groan when she reads this)

and actually... work's the least of my troubles too.

i dnknw wad's wrong. but something is. i never thought that relationships/friendships could be so fragile. at least not ours.. i thought we had reached an understanding between us that could never be broken.. and therefore i'm so disappointed that something so small can come between us and let us quarrel like that... can make us feel like not speaking to each other, ever again.

after some time, i start to wonder whether the issue we were quarreling about is worth our fight... of course not. so then, i'd decide to give in.. wadever it is, i'd try. i'd try to go to wadever you want me to go to. i'd try to forget you made a stupid mistake. i'd try to be okay with the fact that you're busy...

so the story ends here? happy ending? it should. but i couldnt... someone alws has to give in in a quarrel.. but the other person also has to make an effort to make it up.. i feel.. disheartened. like i want to just forget all about it. all about us.

roar wadever lah i dnknw wad im talking.

i knw it'll be fine that i'll be fine. but right now i just wonder why it's alws me trying.

it suddenly feels like nov is gonna be a long long mth.. many of my besties are all over the world and those that remains are too busy anw. =x oh screw it i'm busy too..

别说对不起，别等我恢了心才说不是故意。。

2007-11-07T19:23:00.000-08:00

WANTED: JOLENE ONG HAN LING
CRIME: NOT SENDING EUNICE PHOTOS SO SHE CANT BLOG..

roar okay. roar. ms. ong only comes online in the weeeeee hours of the night. anw she promised to go photoshop all the photos and made it into a collage.. i'm thinking that it'll be faster to go to a photo shop, print, cut & paste manually than wait for her. SHE'S SO SLOW. but still, i'd rather let her photoshop... BECOS I HAVE A PIMPLE THE SIZE OF SINGAPORE...! zzz. kinda -.- & bimbotic to go photoshop pimples. but i wouldnt want to look back ten yrs later and go "OMG i was such a pimply kid"... lol.

so.. the last day of school is over. my autograph book is full. chalet has came and passed... slowly but surely, it's coming. nxt yr, there'll be another 4B. but it wont be us. there wont be an "us", not as a "class".. there's nv a right time to say goodbye.. but we knw we gotta go our separate ways... i wont say goodbye but i'll say再见..说再见就要再见哦! we'll see eachother again, wont we. =)

& d chalet was fun. pure, simple fun. i was worried sick cos everyting's so budget.. but we managed to pull it off with most (hopefully all) of us having fun. =D indian poker, bridge, dai di, snap, heart attack, twister & dance tingy. there were also very very memorable pole dances, tango, coconut tree dances, as well as kisses and LOLOL humping the wall. i'm still waiting for permission to post pictures/videos. hahahah i guarantee a good laugh.. i might get killed if i post it though. so yah. nvm. my life is more valuable than a laugh of yours right. (U BTR AGREE IF NT CLICK ON THE X) & seeing twenty+ ppl at pool was quite a sight. we also went pasir ris park & almost all of us climbed the red web thingy.

haiiyaaa no pics very no mood to blog. tata i'll finish it later.. OMYGOD MY AUNT JUS GAVE BIRTH!!! i'm going to see jaydon lim. =) one hr old... so eggciting. finally a male lim..

WOOHOO POWER TO THE LIMS! WE ROCK! WE RULE! WE LIMS! -.o

2007-11-01T06:25:00.000-07:00

and so after that dark dark emo emo post which i decided to edit afterall... november is finallyyy here!! =D october seemed like an never-ending mth sia. dnknw why. pherhaps i'm counting down with the olvl ppl lol.

and there was the much dreaded higher chinese O's on the last day of oct. bleah. i tink it's quite funneh acty wad's the least scary paper for the olvl ppl is the most scary paper for me. since it's my only paper. -.- and anw it was a total flop can. i cant believe i nv wrote a 论文 before and i acty made my first attempt in the O lvls. sigh.

reminds me of my eoys where i was supposed to write abt my personal account of 狼来了; anw i cant rmb wad the story is abt except it's abt lies. so i went on and on abt how one lie led to another.. which is totally OFF point. zzz. if only O's came out same qn i wld have known wad to write.. how abt, "eunice pon school too many times, so when eunice is really sick & miss sch becos of that no one believes.." lol.

yepps i'm really sick lah! you stupid ppl keep asking me why i pon today. ytd nite sis brought me some medicine & told me it cause drowsiness. i was like, aiya sure wun have effect one lahh.... den... i slept at 10 last nite n at 1pm today i was still struggling to get up.. o.O morale? don't underestimate teeny weeny pills. i'm still suspecting whether my sister mixed up and gave me sleeping pills though... i'm still quite sleepy now. -.-

but heys. usually i hate being sick. it's like you feel damn uncomfortable, and all your plans get delayed and you basically just have to stone and eat those pills till you're okay... that is so not fun. i remember when i was small though, i used to love being sick. hell, i'd WANT to get sick.. go play in the rain. eat chocolate and sleep... lol. cos when i'm sick is the only time when mummy will pat me till i'm asleep.. it's the only time when daddy talks to me in a gentler voice.. the only time when my sister will hughug me... somehow all that changed when i grew up.. maybe cos all these things aint as impt to me as when i was small le.

today though, i like being sick. =) which makes me sound mentally sick. -__- but yah. i like being sick.. because i like the way you care. plain water tastes sweeter when someone cares whether you drink it or not. lol. i'm not as foolish though, i do take care of myself now & i want to get well, really. i'll drink lots of water. i'll eat more fruits. i'll remember to eat my medicine.. and.. i'll eat good food! hahaha.

=D hahahah. me, yun, cyn & woon went to eat yuki&yaki today! it's goooood. when i told them i was sick they were like, HUH?! den i thought they care for me you knw.. then in the end they said "THEN U CANNOT SHARE WITH US SPREAD TO US HOW?! WE FLYING OFF ON MON!" =/ wad nice frens *rolls eyes*.. so i had to use different pairs of chopsticks for eating and for kiap-ing.

and lol we wanted to watch movie but din have any good ones. so in the end we jus anyhow picked an NC-16 movie The Brave One w/o knwing who wad where how when the movie is like. lol... in the end it was pretty good.. abt this girl who started killing ppl for revenge... funny thing is, during the violence part, meiyun was like hiding behind her bag.. and weifu was like "KILL!! KILL!!!".. o.o? cynthia was like "CHIONGGGG ARH!" and uhh.. i was basically makign squeaking noises. *blushblush*... lol! i dnknw why we're frens seriously. and when the man got thrown off the building i told yun, "it's okay you can look now". and weifu said "HUH nv show us body? den we pay $7 for wad sia..."

hahahahahaha. i dnknw why everyting alws end up hilarious with them.. going pool on sat.. i tink i'm bringing a mask.. if i kana thrash by woon i'm nv taking the mask off.

you knw wad.. recently i realised that there're different words in the english dictionary for a reason. hehe... there's a big difference btw "friends", "classmates", and "colleagues"... ytd i said goodbye to my colleague & mentor ada. i'll probably nv see her again cos she's going china... i thought i'd be sad. but i realise that colleagues come and go. we go to work, we crap tgt, we eat tgt, den we count down to nine-thirty tgt, den we say goodbye & go back to our indivisual lives.. and the tgt doesnt really matter.

come tmr, i'll be saying goodbye to my classmates.. i think it's going to be sad. i have many nice classmates and i'm going to miss them loads. tell ya the truth, i think i've been one ass of an irritating classmate, often doing wad i feel like doing in class.. but now i realise that classmates too, come & go. we treasure the tgt-ness we had in 4B, we all love 4B. but at the end of the day we all have to move on and we all knw it... BUT. we can bring our frens along.. classmateship ends, but friendship never does. :)

i'm thankful for the frens i have. i'm going to miss you all being in the same class as me... it wun be the same, but it'll be alright. becos i knw all of you all are just 8numbers away! thankgod for phones lol.

& i just really really reallyyyy hope 4B chalet will turn out fine. last yr we had 10 of us in a 2bedroom super huge apartment for chalet. this yr we have 27 of us squeezed into one teeny mini room... & d complain king is going. roar. i just hope ppl realise that frenship wun end but this one last chalet is for the classmateship & we shld hang out as a class, not in groups.

ilove3B'06,4B'07.

through the sun & the rain, the laughter & the tears

through performances & interclasses, class rap and cheers,
through the A+s and Ds, the joys and the fears,

through decorations & cip, our 4.5guys & girls..

4B has been supporting us all throughout, an impt part in our schlife.
lovelovelove.

anw this is funny, from one of da girls.
"how do you tell whether someone is from 4B?"
"play them sexyback & see if they feel like whacking something".

LOL badmemories.

i dnknw why i'm blogging again cos i thought i kicked the habit quite long ago. apparently i need sth to stop me back from going to sleep. cos whenever i sleep i dream of people chasing me down long dark alleys with locked corridors and it scares me.

everytime you see the scar on my knee, you remember the time you let me down.
everytime i see the scar on my knee i remember the time you held my hand when i was down.

2007-10-29T01:56:00.000-07:00

life is.. one big sigh. it rhymes huh.

havent blogged here for a long time. becos whenever i think of my life now i only know wad NOT to think of, and then i'd be thinking abt it and so in the end, i simply gave up thinking. hahaha.

yea i knw i shouldnt be complaining much, not when many of my darlings are probably losing most of their hair stressing over dee why dee axe and busy eating their ten yr series.. but mainly, i'm just.. one big emo queen lately.

roar. emo over grades. i feel like a big fat failure. & there're so many choices. choices that feels like cross junctions. it's like we're all standing there waiting for the greenlight for us to go our separate ways. everyone's waving and ready to go. me, i'm ready to go. but i have no idea which way to turn, which path to take...

i used to say "i'll do wad it takes till i touch the sky".. but now, i dnwanna reach out for the sky anymore. i want to reach out for something realistic, and for once, grab it. i dnwan daydreams, dnwan disappointments.. yet what is a person without dreams...?

on another hand, things are going fine at work. Omygod i hit my commission target of 10k.. in fact, i hit 12k.. i nv would have thought i could. $12000! & oct is still not over yet. alright so i'll jus get 1%.. but i still feel a sense of accomplishment & i like sales a lot. it's been great.

i'm so screwd. & you. you painted me such a rosy picture. a picture i believed wouldnt fade. and then, you just keep walking in&out of the picture... i really feel like framing the picture so you'd stay in. or out. hahah. sometimes i wonder how it is that two people from different worlds can ever see the same sky. and then you say, the sky is the same... for everyone. i don't understand.

one good thing though, cyn&woon are finally back!! cynthia's still busy with her suicidal fren 1&2, as well as her depression frens (btw i'm classified under mild depression so you knw how serious it is)... but still we managed to get tgt for mahjong sessions. lol.

& there're alws pluses in my life. =D hehe.

new ipod. =D & i'm so noob i cant figure itunes out.

really pretty isnt it? :)

ohh look. a 10 thousand word blogpost. i blabbered again. lol.

oh yes, and i'm still thinking whether i'm crazy or wad. i acty signed up for the csc thingy and for guitar club with jing&yun. & i'm acty lookin forward to it. i guess i can just imagine very well me jing and yun age 30 chasing after guys with a guitar in hand.. lol...!

darling you have to stop missing me.. figuratively. muahaha. anw i dnknw if i'm crazy or wad but i like seeing this every morning.

2007-10-28T05:56:00.000-07:00

DEAD OR WHAT!
EUNICE WAKE UP!
YOU DIDN'T BLOG FOR AGES.

HAS THE WORKING SOCIETY ABSORBED YOU FROM HAPPYJIUHAO?

Anyway, i will join you soon i guess. haha. so sad, my mum is chasing me to work, by giving me no allowance after o's.

nevermid, i earn more than my allowance. I THINK.

hehe
my mum says that it;s not ambitious to work as promoter.
but hey hey hey, i only have PSLE cert, which is not very useful.

HMPHS, i will only take that job if i have nothing else right!

RAHH!

BYEDIE !

EUNICE ASK ME OUT OKAY ( :

2007-10-14T03:18:00.000-07:00

sometimes in life, you just never know. everything can be alright now, and then in the next second, everything's wrong...

just like today, my whole family is laughing over a joke when suddenly my mom said, OMYGOD I FORGOT TO SWITCH OFF THE KITCHEN FIRE THIS MORNING.... and BHAMMM! just like that, the joke lay forgotten, everything seemed unimportant and we just chionged home.

the trip home from bugis seemed to take ten hrs rather ten minutes, with us not knowing wad to expect.. dreading the scene we'll soon face. me, i was more worried abt happy than uhh, the kitchen? thank god the fire wasnt big.. if it had reached the oil near it the whole kitchen would have exploded bah. there was a gas leakage, but happy was fine. phew.

still- safety is often last thing on our mind, or at least.. on my mind. i shudder to imagine what would have happened if a fire had claimed my entire house. (ohmygod if squishie went up in flames i dnwan to live either)... we shld be more careful. i dn blame my mum, i knw it could have just as easily be me... safety precautions, safety rules, whatever it is. it's important.

& i dnknw if you believe me, but i believe my mum. she remembered abt the fire in waterloo temple. and she said that she just had a suddenly image of the kettle burning... is it heaven's help? or is it just her memory? i dnknw. most ppl i knw now are freethinkers, but i alws believed that there's someone/someones above us.. knowing, helping, judging, guiding.

=) this leads me to a question i've alws alws thought about.. what happens when we die? do we just shut down, our memories trapped inside those brain cells that'll just die? or do we float away.. to heaven.. or to hell..? i dnknw. but i'd die to find out. HAHA.

rahhh. anw, life's no longer a bitch but a beach. =D gotten back my results; Amaths and LA were reallllyyyy disappointing but other than that i've given myself a pleasant surprise bah. i'm no longer placing my hopes on you-know-what.. instead i just wish things will remain like it is now... i just wish you wouldnt leave. i dnknw why. i think it's cos it's too big a question mark, and all the minus signs are really quite turning me off.

yoyo TANYEEHAN. welcome to the sixteen gang. HAPPY HAPPY B'DAY hon. :) i'm about to declare you missing and i'm seriously wondering whether i've imagined you existed. hint hint. hahahaha. oh well, you're still fifteen as i'm typing this now so i can bully you bah. YOU SUCKS WOMAN I MISS YOU SO MUCH AND I'M DYING TO TALK TO YOU.. bleah. but okay i shall be a nice, understanding friend & since you're busy O-ing.. (u btr dn be dating!) so i shall give you my best wishes as a b'day present. (*imagines yeehan's glare*).. =P point is, i love you woman! take care of yourself. and i knw you'll do great with your O's.. just endure a while longer bah. once again, happy sweet sixteen. rock on.
*note to self: shall stop mentioning my happiness & tempting yeehan to go out*

BUT.. ONE LAST TIME I SHALL HAOLIAN TO YEEHAN HOW HAPPY I AM. if not when she comes back with her great O lvl results & all the fun i'll regret not choosing O's again. :(

i'm loving every single moment of it.
loving the feeling of going to school and knowing you'll enjoy the day with your classmates.
loving the feeling of attending classes without stress.
loving the feeling of looking forward to activities after school.
loving meeting up, catching up, chats without hesitation, walking and SHOPPING.
loving serial dramas, loving the fantasies and the daydreams.
loving the phonecalls and the missed calls greeting me when i wake.
loving work, loving keeping busy.
loving pasta, kfc, pizzahut, jack's place.

& just for memory's sake..
loved going ikea with meiyun =) love our chats, love you woman.
loved meeting up with wen once in a PINK moon when we're not pathetic salesgirl.
& cycling the whole of east coast park with d girls was quite an experience too. jinghuan scared the crap out of me. hahaha.
first time pool-ing with chunying, keith & ivan was O.O?? OH-I-HIT-THE-BALL-WOW- ing.
and i simply love teaching chemistry.. =P it's called the noob teaching the noobier.
resident's evil was heart-stopping.. & it aint just the show.
daddy's mommy's wedding anniversary dinner was sth new again.. we ate steamboat from 10pm-3am.
loved going to the arcade & being lousier than the kids.
love taking public transport. =P
... and at the end of it all, all i'm loving is the simplicity.

this simple connection between you & i. i dnwan it to change, ever.

loving the fact that there's so many things to look forward to.

many things happen in life, but at the end of the day, let us all look back and remember the good things and say: "we're happy". HAPPYJIUHAO.

2007-10-08T11:30:00.000-07:00

PRESENTING THE NEW HOPE FOR THE WORLD.....

DOCTOR EUNICE LIM!!

here researching for her new cure for... rabbit hiccup.
(that's the most serious disease i can think of off-hand luh)

she even splits herself into two so she can double her research speed!

(p.s. me & jolene cldnt recognise/rmb who is who LOL)

me the main doctor and my fellow lab technicians.

:) of course, this is NOT the pictures for my elective. -.- anw it's been fun.. especially all the food outings after that. hahaha.

& here's...

TEN THINGS A SALES GIRL MUST LEARN

1. resist smiling to the cute boyfriend shopping with his girlfriend. The gf normally will get pissed.

2. also don’t smile at the male boss. The lady boss might not like you as much after that.

3. remember to invent creative excuses for lateness on the bus. The boss most likely knows it’s invented but they liked to be entertained anyway.

4. learn to PMPMP. (拼命拍马屁)… or at least just smile and laugh at whatever your boss says. I normally have no idea what she’s talking abt.

5. don’t ask your boss what she thinks of you. (my boss said I look like a twelve year old kid…! -.- )

6. when your boss calls you, pick up the phone.
(haha my boss heard my stupid voicemail message and she was like “HELLO IS THIS EUNICE WHY ARE U NOT ANSWERING ME? ANSWER ME. WHERE ARE YOU. HELLO?! HELLOOOOO?!.... apparently she din uds voicemail) *btw frens, pls do say sth when u get my voicemail. I spend money calling voicemail to hear HAHAHAHAHAHAHA from different ppl.. zzz. TOLD U NO NEWS DUN LEAVE MESSAGE LIAO!)

7. don’t think you can sms just because the older colleague is smsing. She has experience and knows the blind spot in the camera, you don’t.

8. when a customer asks how she looks in the most revolting dress ever, smile and say “great!”

9. when asked which dress she looks better in, choose the more expensive one.

10. when you have no idea what to do with the dnknw-whether-is-visa-or-master-or-wadever card in your hand, act like you know. Just stuff the card into the machine. If it says “ERROR” den try the other one..

hiahia. but i'm still a happy salesgirl lah it's fun!

excellent fashion taste isn't it.

i feel like i'm on the moon.

& no it's not becos i have a bunny and i think i'm chang e. -.-

2007-10-01T06:06:00.000-07:00

what happens if one day we close our eyes and we forgot who we once were?

I think i will be so insecure because a whole part of me is forgotten, thrown to the back of my brain. Always, we would learn from our mistakes, from who we once were. And as frequently, we repeat the same mistakes, only to regret and whine all over again.

Maybe not we, but that's for me.

I never seem to learn from lessons taught. Stubborn and arrogant, maybe.

I don't understand why i allow my tears to drop for the same old reason, and my smile to broaden for a small little thing. I'm so easily contented, at the same time so sensitive and prone to being hurt by miscellaneous affairs.

Sometimes i envy the person following me since first cry. I used to admire her and yearn to be like her, again. yet more than often now, i look down on her. My present is adding on to my past, and my past is hindering my future.

------------------------

STOP WISHING ME ' HAPPY CHILDREN'S DAY'
haha! that made my day though, but it's weird la...

2007-09-29T05:32:00.000-07:00

enjoy~

HOW MEN AND WOMEN DIFFER.. (SUPER TRUE)

NICKNAMES

* If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
* If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.

EATING OUT

* When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
* When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY

*A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
* A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale

BATHROOMS

* A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from M&S.
* The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS

* A woman has the last word in any argument.
* Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

CATS

* Women love cats.
* Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

FUTURE

* A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
* A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS

* A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
* A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE

* A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
* A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

DRESSING UP
* A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the bins, answer the phone, read a book, and get the post.
* A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL
* Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
* Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING
* Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
* A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
* Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
* What a woman says: C'mon..This place is a mess. You and I need to clean.Your trousers are on the floor and you'll have no clothes if we don't do the laundry now.
* What a man hears: C'MON ... blah, blah, blah YOU AND I blah,blah, blah, blah, blah ON THE FLOOR blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES blah, blah, blah, blah, NOW

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. and omygod this is, too true. how on earth...?? by answering six mcq??!

Your view on yourself:

You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:
You like to flirt and behave seductively. (this is the only NOT TRUE THING) The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your views on education:
You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.

The right job for you:
You have many goals and want to achieve as much as you can. The jobs you enjoy are those that let you burn off your considerable excess energy. (true!!!)

How do you view success:
You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying. ( =D )

What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel. (SUPER TRUE!)

Who is your true self:
You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

=)

recently i've been happy-ing.. it's been crappy school activities, fun outings after school, and then working in the night. work's fun, though i took around one million yrs to figure out the nets and visa machine. and standing for five hours is no fun too. but it's still cool watching boyfrens -.- and =)) over their girlfrens trying out clothes. it's fun watching ppl fight for the bill. it's nice when ppl ask for ur opinions. i like my job. =D & my colleagues are real nice. it just feels like a new chapter of my life.

and OH YES. im going hongkonggg! AHHH. my daddee finally relented. our whole family is not too fond of planes but i guess 3hrs on a dangerous thing is worth it to trade for SHOPPING!! FOOD!! and.. DISNEYLAND!!! i still dun get how such a heavy thing can go so high though. if my whole family were to die who'd take care of my bunny!??

bunny happy my baby. =) oh god she's grown so much! i feel like a proud mummy. i jus dedicated all my nights after work to playing with her. she's so cute! and i was so touched after she attempted her first hop.. and finally responded to me calling her. i felt like the luckiest bunny owner on earth after the cute lil ting kissed me! :D and i almost cried when i lost her in my house. (she was in my SHOE, oh god) it feels nice to take care of something after being taken care of my whole life.

guess i can finally say.. life's good. (cos i dun have O's. hahahahaha yeehan)

if i could i'll jus wanna pause time now.
becos it hurts to look back. and i'm afraid to look ahead.

just.. stay with me, right here. right now. alright?

2007-09-25T01:49:00.000-07:00

STUPID EUNICE, I CAN'T STAND IT THAT YOU ARE CONSTANTLY REMINDING ME THAT IM SLOGGING MY LIFE AWAY AND YOU ARE ENJOYING THE FREEDOM.

TSK!

if you decide to live in your self-entertained world, then so be it! hehe!

I'm happily eating my mooncake, looking at my texts :DDDDD

heheh, i am so sorry that i haven't been updating here, because i've got a blog! all to myself! ( :

My birthday is coming {15 october} girl! you can always call me if you don't know what to buy for me, i have a list of things that i ~~need~~ want!

hehe, prelims was quite egg! i was going to school today and i heard a crow above me. i knew it was a bad omen! Egg! the papers i got back today weren't as good as yesterday's! hehe, actually it's around the same, just wanted to find excuses for my so-so-soya bean performance. hehe!

say goodbye to JC and all hail poly!

2007-09-23T08:33:00.001-07:00

yoyo.

it's been so long since i've been set free. exams seems like something that happened a million yrs ago; all the knowledge has been thrown away and i'm back to my life~!! hann, be very jealous. lalal~

it's been a great b'day. thanks, all. really. :) i hadnt really thought much abt my own sweet sixteen cos it seems like it's right smack in the middle of everything.. many frens still having prelims, my parents busy with work, the bsp ppl in nanjing.. jus glad that my b'day happened after exams! :D

so... wad have i been soooo busy with? so busy till all my after-exams-plans lay forgotten, that all phone calls lay unanswered, that msn's never bothered to be signed in? it's... HAPPY. AHH HAPPY. my sweetest sweet 16 gift i can expect.

say hello to happy!!

that's right!! me, eunice lim, IS FINALLY A BUNNY OWNER. i loveee my bunny.

when i first told my parents i wanted a bunny.. daddy said, NO. mummy said, NO WAY. and sis said, IT'S ME OR THE BUNNY. (of course i choose the bunny, but still-- so negative!) then slowly, they softened and on 16th sept, they went bunny-hunting all over singapore with me.. AND WE BOUGHT HAPPY!!

happy's a netherland dwarf, it wun grow big.. and ohhhh it's soooo cute. now..., happy's a 5-mth-old female and after a week at our hse, it has become the new baby of my hse.. i thought my bunny will be MINE. and I'll be expected to clean and feed it myself.. but NO. you'll wake up in the middle of the night and see my daddee playing with happy. you'll see my mummy playing with happy before she goes out. lol!

PICTURES!!

happy in her potty.

happy looking for her food.

happy acting blur!

happy stoning.

small happy.

happy: I WANT TO EAT.

happy can be carried in one hand!

happy: but i dnlike you to carry me!

wen's bday gift (the hello kitty) talking to happy. "COME CHASE ME" i dnknw why but happy goes crazy at the sight of the hello kitty. lol! she chases it till she gets tired and lies down and i can finally get my shot.

kawaii neh?

im in such a bunny craze my dough at dragon kiln is bunny too.

love my bunny. many thanks to my darling 4B girls who went all the way to simei to get me bunny food. and i love the jewellry box & stuff.. :) and i simply love reading b'day messages. they make me wanna laugh and cry at the same time. i spent my b'day with my wives.. becos my husbands are more interested in dating their books than me. -.- bowled in the morn, where i learnt that it aint so easy to roll the heavy ball after all... o.o sorry la i noob mah. haha. then went to eat at orchard... then went to sing k! omygod lah we basically freezed there... =.+ walked around, then met wen for dinner... so scary we jus entered a restaurant and ordered food and pray hard we have enough $. lol. if not you'll see b'day girl washing dishes.

yepps that's a very long day summed up. ohh yes and the day before went to eat wiv my fam. :)

haiiyaa im sure you're bored of hearing wad i did day after day right. i'm bored of blogging abt it too. but no choice that's the way i live. did i tell you, i acty have this handbook thingy, where i'll doodle everyday. then if you ask me wad i did like, last yr 0ct 4th or any date, i'll knw? hahaha. i rock right. siao. haha.

hmm anyway.. thinking abt it right.. i'm SIXTEEN. that's pretty old... :) somedays i feel like i wanna be older, like I WANNA BE THIRTY, GET A JOB GET A COOL CAR AND A BIG HOUSE AND A HUSBAND AND FIVE KIDS NOW!!! then there're days where i jus wanna be muchhh younger.. like I WANNA BE FIVE YEARS OLD AND HAVE MY FOOD FED TO ME AND MY BIGGEST WORRY IS WHETHER I CAN WATCH POWERPUFF GIRLS ON WEEKENDS. lol... but mostly.. im jus glad to be sixteen.

afterall, it IS the age where anything seems possible, whether i'll become a rich taitai or i'll marry a poor handsome artist and live on bread and love. i may become a doctor and save many lives, or i may end up being jobless and live off my parents. =) the future's just a question mark... but it's free for me to dream. and i loveee to dream.

i think at this age, all i wanna do is to collect memories. memories of fun, of laughter shared, of outings, of hard work and tears, of frens and loving smiles, of family. this b'day.. is not one with big parties or fanciful dinners.. it's jus plain and simple yet i feel happy.. happy being me. happy being loved.

i'm starting work next week. i can hardly wait! frens, look for me if you all come to bugis k!! haha. i dntink i'll be blogging much anymore. hardly if not not at all. shant torture you all with my many words. :P all my nights shall be dedicated to playing with happy.

take care, peeps!

i know i'll remember it.

2007-09-23T07:26:00.000-07:00

COURAGE

what is courage? is it confidence? is it bravery...? Somebody told me; there was once this guy who had to write an essay on "what is courage?".. He just took a marker and wrote the word "COURAGE" in caps across the page, then handed it in.... In the end he got an A. lol!

so.. is that courage? maybe. Sometimes, i feel that courage is the power to let go of the familiar. or pherhaps.. courage, is the strength behind the miracles. courage, is the spirit that enables one to face what must be faced.but.. what about the other forms of courage? it takes courage for the husband to go into war and fight, but doesnt it take courage for the wife to sit at home and await whatever comes ahead? i don't know, maybe it doesnt. but i'd much rather be fighting than waiting at home.

afterall...
it takes a different form of courage to accept the things you cannot change.
it takes a different form of courage to sit and do nothing, for nothing must be done.
it takes a different form of courage to pretend you don't know, when you really do.
it takes a different form of courage to tell yourself it's okay when it's not.
it takes a different form of courage to tell you to go, when i really just want you to stay..
it takes a different form of courage to be saying this, becos i knw you knw wad i'm thinking abt.

pherhaps it's not courage at all. just strength that you need.. but... to me.. it's this "courage" that i lack. this strength that i simply cannot find in me. this courage that i need to face up to reality and do what must be done... this courage that'll prevent me from haunting myself.

wake up, eunice.

2007-09-23T07:10:00.000-07:00

you dnknw how badly you piss me off when you say "you and i are different. you, you want to be a doctor.. and me, i just want to be myself."

so what, you think i don't want to be myself? you think i like to study.. that i don't like to have fun? you think it's so easy, don't you. you think that just becos i want to be a doctor.. i'll surely be one. do you know that i'm considered stupid in my world, that people laugh at me and tell me that it's impossible i'll be a doctor? don't you know that i too, have to work like siao if i really want to be a doctor?

there's no difference between you and me. at least, not the way you think it. and you really reallyyy piss me off whenever you "resign to fate". if you're willing to work hard, there's nothing you can't achieve. i believe in you, but who can help you if you're not willing to work, if you're not willing to give yourself a chance..

if you worked hard, i wouldnt even blink if you tell me you've got 10 A1s for your O's. but all you care about is dota, all you want to do is to complain about fate.. what do you expect? you know you deserve to fail.

i don't know. maybe if you talked to me a year ago, i'd have found the whole idea of getting 8/100 and all is mcq very funny. but now.. i jus don't know.

i know you don't understand. but the distance between us aint caused by these marks. it's caused by the difference in character. maybe i've changed.. or maybe.. you're the one that needs to change.

maybe after reading this.. you'll understand. maybe you'll never bother to read this. maybe you and i will let this distance grow and stop keeping in contact. maybe we'll talk about this. or maybe we'll keep avoiding this.

all i know is that i'm tired. tired of the silence i'll give whenever we touch on this subject. tired of the words that could not find their way out of my throat.

and these are the words i could not say.

2007-09-12T07:43:00.000-07:00

okay dokay i knw i shldnt be here. i shld be here like, two days later and then i'll caps big big the words.. I AM FREE!!!! FREEDOM IS OURS!!! but oh wellllll. i really feel like saying them now so here i am!

teeheehee. one last one to go before the ends of exams. =x then it's byebye! to all the notes, all the textbooks and ten yr series and pens! =D goodbye to late nights and early mornings and going home after school. AND SAY HELLO TO FUN.

i really really cant wait. there's so much that i wanna doooo.

fri: going sakurabuffet/seoul garden & Kae with MJ four. hahaha. seems so long since we last got tgt. and they'll be flying off to nanjing for 3mths. =( im gonna miss them. anw, me & yun realised woon's tactics. he's been calling me every single day this period... and then when i say i wanna go study le he'll say, no need study la! study also no use blablabla.. den..... i'll realise that he's studying/doing past yr papers while he's talking to me while im not! -_- IDIOT.

sat: FAMILY TRIP to malaysia!!! (",) love my family so. my hse calendars (those kind everyday tear one page kind) have already been torn to 14Sept since 1st sept. :D count down mah.

sun: mass chiong serial drama/shopping.

things to do list:
cut my too-longgggg hair.
watch bleach, naruto, serial dramas & everything i can get my hands on.
find a job.
learn cooking/knitting/piano.
SHOP LIKE CRAZY.
GET A LIFE.
BURN ALL BOOKS.

omg slap me. the impulse to burn the chem book in front of me is too strong. noooo eunice.

**hann!! it's been FOREVER, and ever and ever and ever since i met you okayyy. let's catch up someday. OH but problem is, i'll be going shopping and having fun while you date your books for the next few months. *smirks* ohh, so sad. =PPP
& for those of you who're reading yeehan's blog & not eunice's blog, LALALALA too bad. hannie is buried with books and wun have time. while I'll have all the time in the world to blog blog blogggggg.

okokok. i need to chem. *EXPANDDD CEREBRUM EXPAND* life is hard; for two more days~!

2007-08-30T03:12:00.001-07:00

I simply wanted to dance and prance around after physics and history exam.. yes they were SO BAD. i'd be lucky to pass for history and if i pass physics i'll eat my socks. BUT. that's it. THE END. say goodbye. no more pretending i wanna find out wad's the resultant force of bouncing balls. no more burning midnight oil wondering whether hitler is lucky or smart. (and knowing whatever you choose is also correct but you'll still fail due to ur inadequate essay skills.)

ANW, i was reading this fellow 16-year-old accquaintance's blog. and omygod la i feel so deprived. ppl talk abt parties and beach suntanning and getting drunk... and i talk abt... eating my socks. -.- I feel like a freaking nerd!! & thus i decided to write the LAST history essay of my life. bear with me.

"Eunice is a total NERD." How far do you agree to this statement?

Whether Eunice is a nerd or not is a topic that has been frequently discussed. 160cm tall with a pink aura, eunice seems to give off a feeling of airheaded-ness rather than nerdiness. However, startling evidence recently has proven eunice to be a nerd.

1. Eunice was seen mugging at the library with wenwen before the LA exam!! like, how nerd is that. (totally.) everyone around them changed three times, while they squat at one small corner and discussed role of women in society. (WHICH DID NOT COME OUT FOR THE BLOODY EXAM!!!) This shows that eunice is a mugger and hence, a nerd.

2. Eunice actually discussed history on the phone with three people. This further shows her kiasu-ness and her determination to do well. It isn't normal to discuss history with people on the phone. hence, eunice is a nerd.

3. Eunice has spent HER WHOLE weeks and hours and hours MUGGING MUGGING MUGGGINGGGGGG. SHE IS A MUGGER!! mugger = eunice = nerd. thus, eunice is a nerd.

The above evidence showcases the nerdiness of eunice. however, to say that eunice is a total nerd would be inaccurate, becos nothing is total in history. (or so teachers like to say). eunice was seen eating sakura buffet happily with her family! (omygod it rocks) eunice was also seen watching the movie secret again before the exam (it was an accident), and shopping after exams at vivo, parkway with her fellow crazy classmates. eunice has also adventured to holland village in a rainy day, jumped around to hail a cab, and laughed like crazy. :) eunice is a happy girl.

All in All, i agree with the statement to a large extent. eunice is a happy nerd!!

see why i fail history?

:) i cant believe how lucky i am.. to have our paths crossed again.. i can only think.. my prayers are finally answered.

2007-08-24T00:43:00.000-07:00

you said; "you're hiding something from me."

"i learn it from you." i said, half jokingly, half serious.

you looked away, changing the subject.

Because it's true, isnt it?

You were the one who built a wall around you, separating us. you shut me out, and you expect me to keep banging on the wall, maybe punch a hole through it, only to have you closing up again. it's tiring, you know? now i've walked away... and you've realised it only too late.

if only you listened with your heart, you'll realise that there's so many things that i'd love to share. but.. i wouldnt. becos i knw that you simply refuse to tell me the things i need to hear from you.

i've never been so happy. yet so alone.

2007-08-18T20:53:00.000-07:00

Chasing my dreams, is just a distraction for me.

2007-08-14T10:45:00.000-07:00

time now is 2am. and i've just finished my mock UN project.. where we're representing Saudi Arabia.. o.o so glam hor. lol.

there's so much i wanna say, but so little there is to be said. keep feeling that way recently... all i knw is that everyone around me, even the slackest of the slack, 吃不好。睡不好.. everyone's worried and stressed up, and so is watashiwa.

9 more days to end of years exam. 1 more month to freedom!!

this shall be my last post. cos letting my fingers feel this familiar keyboard is a luxury. they should be drawing graphs. they should be scribbling essays. they should be doing calculations. they should be nibbled hard when i'm thinking. (yes yes i can hear all of your violent objecions. i WILL quit biting my nails- after exams)

i can hardly wait till after exams... there's soooo much i wanna do.. & this few mths have been hell. to give u an idea...

this is wad my whiteboard is abt.. more things to add everyday. now even worse k.

my motivation. my loves. my everything. watashiwa drawing of watashiwa family.

and ohmygod. i realise short fringe were the "in" thing. since when i was small.

hahahaha. my hair looks like a bun.

*missing you... safe flight home, woman.

will prayers come true? it's all i have left now.

2007-08-14T07:01:00.000-07:00

Been a long time since i wrote a decent post. I won't flood photos today! although i have a couple of photos here with me, taken during the picnic {in school} earlier on. It was fun, but towards the end, ~~it was a little screwed up~~. but, what done cannot be rectified! ( :

I need the answer now Father.
If not now, as soon as possible please?
Because the way you are making me happy with my friends
and leaving me all alone at night to think of
the bleedy bad speculations,
it really ain't good for my brain.

Because after the efforts to remember the facts needed
a few weeks later,
it's tedious to worry for something.

But why can someone be so nonchalant about it,
they don't even remember that they have something to worry about.

Can eating apples forget about worrying?

2007-08-12T01:21:00.000-07:00

today i realise that when people say, "i know how you feel..".. it's a lie.

becos they dont. they might think they do. but fact is, they dont.

i should know, i alws say that. becos i alws thought i knew. or perhaps i thought it'd make the person feel better.. today i realise that until it happens to you, you wont knw how it feels..

you can try to understand, try to feel.. try to imagine what it must be like.. try to say the right words.. all these makes a difference...

but the bottomline is. you dont know.

for all i know, i may not know what i'm feeling too. i'm sick of struggling to find the right words.. sick of trying to say sth which is i dun even know what. perhaps some things are better left unsaid.

-.- i bet no one has any idea wad i'm talking abt. which, in another sense, is what i'm talking abt. HAHA.

rah. i'm sick of differentiating all those stupid X's, den integrating them back to get the same stupid X's again. why differentiate them in the first place if you're going to get them back?!? and anyway, the whole process is stupid. im so traumatised by maths quiz.

attended a wedding last night. feels good to dress up again! though knowing you're eating a hundred dollar dinner feels =x.. (can i have the hundred dollars instead? haha!) the ambience was so good. real unusual wedding dinner, where everyone sat in small sofa-tables... any number at any table!

mummy and daddy blended in with the table cloth. lolol..
eurgh!! ugly fringe. :(

and the most embarassing thing happened. see, my mummy has 13 or 14 siblings and some of them are grand people liao... i'm supposedly attending the wedding of my niece.. and... i have no idea who she is. so i went up to this girl standing at the door in a white dress and said "congratulations!!" den... i realised she's the bridesmaid. oh god.

it's alws the same. you say hi. they ask u how old you are, from what school. then they say, oh how fast you've grown! you smile. a few months later, they meet you and ask you how old you are, and from what school.. and.. you realise they've never remembered you in the first place.

strange isnt it? i'm so close to my daddy's relatives, but my mummy's relatives i cant even recognise. i feel like a mixblood. -.- cos daddy's family are so buddhist, and mummy's so christian. every time my uncles start talkin to me abt god my daddy's face changes. lol. kinda amusing really... i have two pastors and two monks & a nun related to me.. o.O

but we're all family. and i find it amazing how total strangers come tgt becos of a so-called blood bond.. cos it's sth that'll nv break.. that's really forever. unlike the bond even btw the closest of frens. or even the sweetest couple. till when two gets married, their whole lives become intertwined. everyone they knew gets tgt to celebrate the marriage. two whole families get joined tgt.... somehow i cant wait till i find that person, someone who i want to share everything i've ever known with. someone who i can trust just like i'll trust my bloodbonded family. but.. how is it possible? is it possible to trust someone so much, to give your entire life to him? after everything i've learnt... i dont see how. my mum said when she met my dad at 14, she knew she'll give her whole life to him. =) i hope i'll surprise myself when i meet the right one.

see, you dnknw wad im talking abt again. =( lolol!

2007-08-11T19:27:00.000-07:00

August 10

SENTOSA with siying and xinci (: Luge and Skyride.

I'll try not screaming ' I LOVE YOU ' when i'm halfway in mid air in future =/ i did that on the skyride, and the angmoh in front actually turned and waved at me!

So we tried taking photos while we were dangling up there. Our hands were trembling though, couldn't get a photo with all three of us in it, this is the best among the many we tried !

HAHA, I choose to take it alone (:

LUGE.
hehe, i came off first. took a photo of them with the stupid looking helmets. hehs. yep, i didn't take a picture of me with that helmet, ~~ugly~~ !

erm, before we met up with the 6/11 girls, we swopped our shoes. so which is mine? haha. It took them at least ten minutes to realise we are not wearing matching slippers!

Group photo before the movie <3>

HAH! NANA CARRYING ME! I LOVE to be piggybacked! i'm happy to be carried, she's sad to carry! lalal!

After the movie. oh yah, the movie is secret. We spent hours disputing over the ending. and after forcing so many of my other friends to watch it just to tell me what they think is the ending, im more certain i'm right.

Selina & Co : He died in the end, if not why will they want to focus on the blood dripping.... BLAHBLAHBLAH

ME : SHUT UP, I'm calling JAY now!

Ke-ren (;

Dinosaur no 3

NANA the retard

Went back and slept on my comfy bed. Woke up 4 hours later to go malaysia. hmphs. i really loathe to be woken up when i'm sleeping. I really want to switch off my phone when i'm in my lala-land, but i scared i'll receive some really important calls. haha.

But, so far, they are all calls to ask me out or PRANK CALLS. jidan!

Went back to Malaysia, played with KangKang again. Chatted with my great grandma, upset over the things that has happened or is going to happen. Worried for her and everything.

That made a day, and i'm now back home. With tons of tuition homework undone, and revision yet to complete.

So i redrafted the Study plan i did, and now, promise to follow it.
And yes, the load seems lighter now because i've decided to say Bye-Bye to Biology (:

Bye all, study hard (;

2007-08-11T09:11:00.000-07:00

i must be stupid must be crazy must be out of my mind.

2007-08-09T23:12:00.000-07:00

i've decided not to let hann have all the photo space after all and have thus resorted to digging in my files... =P

and surprise surprise!!

MJ 4! muahaha. i think me and meiyun ROCK. no one will ever imagine cynthia and woon taking neoprints with us huh. mind you, if they get their hands on this they'll probably burn it.. they took this neoprint in a moment of folly & they din even want it. aiya the machine is damn screwed la. went 123snap! before you can say 1. lol.. we just look stunned can.

kupp from wen. eu studying hard and wen's horrible face. HAHAHA.

there, hannie. look at my fringe omygoodness. and btw wen, why are we forever taking our reflections?! mirrors, phones, mrts, the next thing we'll use is spoons. LOL.

my darling A+ which is a gift from my mum to motivate me to mug. it was originally called mugger. but everyone insists on calling it A+..

and in case you've forgotten how i look like, hann, which you should have becos it's been ten million yrs since you went out with me... Here's to refresh your memory...

TAA-DAAA!!

eu&hann, like wad, ten yrs ago? :P nah, 2005.

i love this neoprint. not cos got you lah u ruined the pic. =P it's cos it's pink! and we're wearing pink! and the words are pink! and there's a PINK crab in every one.

*bimbo alert* but seriously, looks nice right.

: D

god im late again.

2007-08-08T06:53:00.000-07:00

SINGAPORE! I LOVE U.

<3 I'll Miss You/ TANG! says:
WE ARE SINGAPORE
<3 I'll Miss You/ TANG! says:
WE ARE SINGAPORE
4B ! pinkaholic ت ~ says:
WE WILL STAND TGT HEAR THE LION ROAR!!!
<3 I'll Miss You/ TANG! says:
LALALALALALALA FOREVER MORE
<3 I'll Miss You/ TANG! says:
oh rly
<3 I'll Miss You/ TANG! says:
hahha not forever more ah

omygod lousy. and to think i thought ms. tang wen yi is a true blue Singaporean. She has been officially downgraded to a true pink Singaporean. though im nt sure whether that's upgrade or downgrade hahahaha.

happy b'day, Singapore! i dnknw how to say it. except that i knw that this is home. this is all i've ever known. this place contains my past, my future, my very existence. =)

old classics have been in my mind all day.. EVERYBODY MUS SING.
*one people, one nation, one Singapore! that's the way it ought to be, forever more~
*Count on me, Singapore...! x2 Count on me to give my best and more. Together Singapore singapore.
*this is my country! this is my flag! this is my future! this is my life! these are my family! these are my friends! we're Singapore, Singaporeans.
*Where i Belong, where i keep my heart and soul, where dreams come true for us... Where we walk tgt hand in hand towards a future so bright..
*Deep in my heart, i just know, right from the start.. we will grow..
*This is home, truly, as my senses tell me..

lalala go bang wall if u dnknw how to sing k.

CAUGHT JAY'S SECRET. IT'S DAMN GOOD. i sooo feel like jumping in and being part of the story or just hugging him!! HAHAHA. oh god oh god. it's GOOD.

wad are you doing, eunice?

2007-08-08T05:50:00.000-07:00

Oh haha, i see that eunice happily entrusted me to upload loads of photos. Apparently, i don't have so many photos to upload. I'm more interested in your hair now. LOLS.

I've drafted my study plan, smart right? I hope i will stick to it, closely. Good thing is, now i cannot sleep without doing some revision. Like what shir says, everyone is secretly studying at home, leaving me behind. and Prelims really is pressing near, really loathe it when my only humans is like in a bleedy big mess. I don't know if i'm prejudiced against the teacher that i feel that she might as well don't come for lessons. haha. But, yi ri wei shi, zhong sheng wei fu ! [ [pink, i know you won't understand my chim chinese ] ] oh lalalal~ and not to mention that i've been skipping literature lessons. but hey ! it's better than staying in class looking at people sleep, eat, only a handful of students is listening to the teacher ! Rahh, shouldn't be screwing up my only beloved humans ) :

i.. don't know what to blog about! i have alot of things running through my mind, feel like living without my brain for once.

photos, see pink i listen to you. haha. You'd better upload photos of YOUR FRINGE XD

My hair was red okay! see how much i love spore despite being a malaysian ! haha ! nah, actually i love it when everyone come together for the same purpose. Maybe All my friends can come together and plan a wonderful birthday celebration for me ! ahem eunice !

err, this photo is to refresh your memory, in case youi've forgotten how i look like. ( :

2007-08-07T03:41:00.000-07:00

i dont like to turn the radio on
just to find out i missed my favourite song
i dont like to have the rain on my shoes
but i do love you.

feelings can grow but, they can fade away too...
too true.

=/ if only hair grows as fast as feelings. i went to sleep praying that i'll wake up with long fringe... i woke up and guess what?! i have short fringe. like, wow. hahaha. heaven knws im just kidding...

it's wad i call "red" day tmr! beware of bulls people. and for the benefit of those who doesnt take bio, BULLS DO NOT HAVE MILK. and for the benefit of those who take bio, it's unwise to put SQUEEZE MILK FROM BULL TO SEE IF IT HAS BEEN BREEDED TRUE in your bio test.

it doesnt hurt. i dont care.
it doesnt hurt. i dont care.
it doesnt hurt. i dont care.
yes eunice. -.-

2007-08-06T07:00:00.000-07:00

ugh i'm hit with a wave of nostalgia.. reading blogs is really bad for health.

maths quiz has been postponed again. which is a good thing and a bad thing. a bad thing because it means i have to study for it over the holidays... and a good thing because screw maths and start making plans!!! hahaha oxymoron.

and omygawd hann. i went through another failure hair cut again... the auntie was like, "cut fringe?" me: *nods. den... "OMYGOD NOT SO SHORT!!!" so yea. short fringe eunice. i'm never cutting hair again. or maybe i'll shave my head and hide in africa for the rest of my life. well, look on the bright side, at least i can skip maths quiz. on the downside, i cant sing "no place like home". HAHAH.

I LIKE THAT SONG.. today ms. low somehow mentioned that song and me and meiyun looked at eachother and naturally... *belts out loudly* there's no place i'd rather be!!! u'll alws be a part of MEEEeeEEe. and even though~~~ i've roamed the world, IT'S STILL MY HOME I LONG TO SEE!!! <3 hahahaha i'm such a true blue singaporean, born and bred here. i love singapore.. :) wenwen and i were saying, soon, i can foresee half my classmates halfway round the globe studying or working in other countries... but me and wen, we'll alws be here. our families, friends, and everything we've ever known is here... *sings* we're singapore, singaporeans. : D woah sense of patriotism.

falling in love with shopping again.. somebody slap me NOWwwWww. my sweet mummy bought me a lil pig to encourage me to study.. :) it's called "mugger!!" haha. and daddy bought me chicken essence. =( which taste like shit. but anywaeee. I.MUST.DO.WELL.

been long since i upload photos, cos cam is with sis in auzzie. and anyway, i'm depressed everytime i look into the mirror with my oh-so-short fringe.. so.. YEEHAN DO UR JOB PUT PHOTOS LAH.

and uhh.. yeehan.. regarding my sickness.. uhh.. actually... uhhh... i developed a sickness because... uhhh... you know you know... some idiot (hannie shld knw who) uhh... wanted me to uhh. go sentosa to sun tan... and uhh.. in a moment of folly... i uhh, accepted and.. uhh.. regretted.. so... uhh... i suddenly felt feverish on the uhh, day we were supposed to go.. but uhh, my fever somehow just evaporated the minute we changed the plans to shopping.. uhh. so miraculous hor? :) NOPES DUN INFER ANYTING... shh! pretty pls keep it a secret! that idiot is happily tanned anyway. : D

lalala. i'm so happy with my plans. ytd was far east, pasta, large coke, neoprints. today was tm, kfc, shopping!, new pouch, mugger, and green apple red bubble tea! tomorrow is chinatown, good food and bargains!! (that's if i survive 3 period chinese tmr) haha. wednesday is celebration, den watching secret! thurs is (maybe) dinner and watching fireworks. friday is shopping at orchard and the simpsons. saturday is my auntie's wedding dinner! and sunday is for sleeping! :)

excellent. life's good. eat, drink, and be happy! yea right. just kidding. i have no life. i'm a full-fletched mugger.

life's hard.

2007-08-06T04:36:00.000-07:00

Haha! i'm superkelifragilisitcespialidocius {however you spell this ~~damn~~word} HAPPY !

I'm excited about tomorrow, because it's one whole day with my honey<3>

FRIDAY; SENTOSA THEN MOVIE. haha ! CAPS TO HIGHLIGHT ITS IMPORTANCE ( : meeting up with 6/11 girls! i'm really very excited. After the movie, it will be night time, then it will be so romantic, admiring the dark velvet sky ! (: i'm so full of rubbish. actually it's because of me that it turned out to be at night, i had to come up with one wonderful reason why it's at night right! ( : and selina, i didn't remember pulling down your pants eh! ( :

i'm talking no sense, because i'm a little excited. :DDDDDDDDDDD not little, but very /HAPPY

Today's chemistry test was funny, light hearted. all thanks to my beloved chemistry teacher.

stupid teacher [he's actually the nicest on earth] , kept distracting me during the test, so if i don't do well, HIS FAULT !

RAHH, IM OFF TO STUDY. EUNICE YOU SHOULD TOO. TAKE CARE TOO. HEARD YOU ARE SICK ( :

>> Tell me what's there at BATAM too, i'm going there during september! seems fun though! my younger brother insists on not going.
he says, " 32480 people were affected, 200 died of it." i was like " what's the IT " he said, " QIN LIU GAN"

2007-08-04T05:07:00.000-07:00

One day, i lost this friend. I didn't know how it happened, but it just did.

Just yesterday, i found her back <3

2007-08-03T04:34:00.000-07:00

admit it, girl. you just want to see him again.
because the way he looks like you..
it's like you're something else in his eyes.
~~just like the way he used to look at you.~~

i'm missing my sister so goddamn much. funny, i talk to her more on the phone than i do when she's home, but somehow i just want her here.. =(

going shopping tmr after LA project.. darn that weifu who has firmly decided to meet at an insane hour, AGAIN. and if i'm late he'll probably leave for junya's hse without me and cut my name out of the project. see people, life's hard for me. =( i'm living under weifu's dictatorship. stress!! HAHA.

anw cant wait to be out with CME -namely cynthia, meiyun, and eunice. HAHAH. yeah latest girl group. we're not much different from SHE luh huh. cynthia can sing, i can dance, and meiyun can do all the spastic acts. =) and we can alws try to rap the china rap. -.- jkjk! i can imagine SHE fans puking. hehs.

still cant believe we were spastic enough to join some crap counting money record day. all cynthia's fault.. she tempted us into joining, our only reason for joining is to attempt to steal some $. -_-

hungry hungry very very. time for chicken rice!

yes. life's still hard. :(

your eyes have betrayed you.

2007-08-01T05:57:00.000-07:00

....

i forgot what i wanted to blog about.

i think it's about not being able to welcome August yet. The mixed feelings in me, i really loathe them. As much as i want to end this O's as soon as possible, the other half of my being had been trying really hard to tell me that i will not do well for O's and hence i'm dreading it's arrival. I will be presented with disappointments, my parents' words ringing by my ears every moment, and maybe i wouldn't know how to look into my teachers' eyes, teachers who placed high hopes in teaching me.

Sometimes i feel torn being myself and another myself. I have no problem being confident in front of everyone, even when i step into the examination hall, previously. Yet, when placed in front of a mirror, all i see is a strong shell with nothing beneath. I am so scared, even before i hold the pen. It would be such a joke to be beaten by pure facts and formulas.

Whatever it is, Prelims nearing, O's after it. I really want to embrace them with confidence and not finish my papers with uncertainties. But, i really don't know where to start. I feel very much like giving up on Biology though. As much as Paper 2 is smiling at me, it's not helping when paper 1 is going to pull me way down. ):

Alright, August has come and is going to give way to September,October and finally my long awaited November. Birthdays are crashing down, no, arriving like rain drops from the sky. Happy Birthday Linda, i'm sorry i've yet to get your present. Happy birthday Cherry, I bought your present, just waiting for you to ask me out (: Happy birthday jianee, urm, a meal with you i agree! Then soon it will be my dad's, brother's, tsesee's, brother's, mum's, mine, cher's. Really upset, because i don't think i can celebrate them with my fullest energy, half of me will be occupied with formulas which i'm certain i am not going to touch them after i graduate, the other half trying to convince myself that i am capable of good results.

Yeps, i can. Because i am Yuhan (:

2007-07-31T07:22:00.000-07:00

i stand wrecked and jealous for this.

how's my life? well my life is..
chem.bio.maths.history.~~chinese.~~
periodic table & bonding.genetics.~~physics.~~
~~gonghan.~~LAdocumentary.hamlet.
Integration.differentiation.ln & trigo.
ww1, treaty of versailles, ww2, hitler, japan.

again and again and again.

stop telling us exams are just 20+ days away alright. it's not that we dun care, but how on earth are we supposed to find time for revision with all that we're expected to do? it's just a mad rush. and im beggining to feel that even if i dun eat, sleep, and can teleport, i also wun have enough time to study.

roar. many people just want this whole thing over and done with. but i just want it all to go slower. want to have more time learning. more time studying with friends. but i guess exams wun wait for me. =x

dream or illusion? we'll find out.

life's good though. i've seldom laughed so much. =) and it's those times that matter the most, when i struggle to say what i feel, knowing you'll understand, and even if you dont.. it doesnt matter cos you heard. yes im chim! peichim. -.-

anw, it's been quite some time since i dislike someone so much. just feel like reaching out and strangling her. or taking an eraser and rubbing away her existence.

yesterday i asked my mummy, "is it a bad thing to kan4 bu4 shuang3 someone?" because i often do, and i find that hatred can blind you.. afterall, you see what you want to see. & i found what my mummy said very true. "it's only natural luh. but if you wanna judge, den prepared to be judged. the only other option is to be someone who has no opinions; someone who alws go along with the crowd. only someone without personality wont be disliked."

yeah. if the me last year were judged as harshly and crudely as i am now, i dont think i'll take it lying down.. to be discredited so openly and bluntly by someone who doesnt even know me.. sucks. but now i see that while i cant say you cant judge me, you cant stop me from judging you too. and to me, you're just an irritatingly annoying uhh.. ____ thing? yes my vocab is limited. you can fill in the blank yourself luh huh. *hints: starting with B will be good.*

girl, stop it alright. why dont you reflect upon yourself for once? the ratio of people who dislike you to the people who likes you... i wldnt knw, but i have a pretty good guess. and so does everyone i think.

and a short summary for my very long analysis? "i'm growing up..!" *jumps for joy*

ok it's back to life as a muggle mugging. oh no harry potter pangs.

imissyou.

what happens when everything you held on to suddenly feels like nothing?

2007-07-29T05:47:00.000-07:00

love at first sight? i didnt believe in it. yes past tense.

=x the weekend has been crazy. sister's retro party was so cool. :) pictures soon! and seven or more families staying comfortably tgt at an ultra-huge chalet is one hell of a fun experience! my uncles and aunties have really shown me wad is PRO mahjong players.. karaoke, buffet, barbeque, movies.. yay!

been long since i went without computer... and i must say it's a nice change, just hecking care abt schoolwork. =D finally had time for some long phone calls too. =)

and on saturday night me and my sista went for S.H.E's play party!! oh god i love them. the music was really really good.

sunday afternoon i went to watch transformers! i learned 3 things.
1) never attempt to eat nachos in the dark. i wonder whether the stains on the jackets, seats and clothes will ever disappear. sigh. SORRY =-/
2) never ever, ever, trust guys's or wenyi's ratings of movies. KANA SAI lah the movie.. my harry potter is ten times better. =)
3) never tell your daddy his car has a possibility of transforming into a robot. he will say "YOU WATCH TOO MUCH SHOWS ALREADY!! NO MORE $9.50 MOVIES FOR YOU!"

roar. anw i loveee birthdays. =) love parties, love presents, love surprises. love how the day is "someone's day". im planning another surprise for many other ppl's b'day coming up.

ohmygod slap me. i have like whattttt, four tests this coming week and im totally not in the mood.

maybe.. it's cause i hate the disappointment in your voice when i tell you i want to study. so i've changed. for the better isnt it? so what's your problem?

2007-07-27T06:48:00.000-07:00

This week had its ups and downs, like a roller coaster ride, how exciting.

Sometimes as i look at it, i really regret the choices i made, last year. And maybe this year.

Damn,
since i've decided, i shouldn't regret.

2007-07-24T06:54:00.000-07:00

Haha, photos as promised first, before ling decides to kill me =/ They are pretty much messed up, because i really hate to drag them and organise them nicely. I am not lazy okays, it's because this is just a break from my revision( ;

Urms, this is what we gave tsesee for her housewarming- sweet ! i am the girl in purple ! ( :

Lings and my hanna, proudly drawn by chenyuhan <3

YAYA ! So cute !

This is drawn by minmin (:

Ling's hand ( : HL is loves :D

Yaya, i didn't want to abandon you there, but we had to buy food to eat !

Quan jia fu <3

yaya keeps stealing my kisses !

Muahahas, the steak was fabulous. Right now, i feel like eating sushi (again) and steak! ( :
but i still have to strive hard to be prettier ! Lols.

My beloveds ( : alrights, it was a matchmaking session for Yaya, but he says, he prefers quacky&ducky ( see the other two ducks at the background? )

---

Alrights, actually alot of things happened. i met alot of friends whom i've missed, all of us changed. Physically of course, deep inside our hearts, our characters i have no idea. but still i was happy just seeing them, all of us gathered together. Eating and chatting like how we did in the past. Sadly, right now i really have no time for all this kind of gatherings, I really have to study. Mum talked to me yesterday, and sometimes i just want to tell her that it really isn't my wish to be occupied with books and notes which i have no interest in. But if i think about it again, i am to young to make any choice afterall, and I am unfortunately not the one who sets the syllabus for secondary students ):

Anyway, i have friends around me. They changed and we drifted. I am pretty much used to all these, but it still saddens me to see the friendship die off like, suddenly, for a reason i have no idea what. But still, all the best to them and just wish that throughout their lives they can really find friends who really love them, and no blindly following them because of some superficial reasons. None of my business anyway! Our paths were not meant to cross (:

{ the english here seems a little distorted, but forgive me, really i'm in a rush =/ }

2007-07-23T07:21:00.001-07:00

one line sums up all these days: life is hard for me. :(

i tink.. that even if there were 48 hrs a day & i dnhave to eat or sleep, i still wun have enough time to finish doing what i have to do, much less what i want to do.. =x

RAH. yea it has been THAT busy...

Just exactly one more month to exam.. Oh god. i think abt the 80+ chapters altogether that i'll have to miraculously learn somehow or another... and my stomache just seems to rot. And it's totally crazy and ridiculous and retarded, but we're STILL learning new things, having tests, datelines and projects and all.

hehs. but oh well. screw it. what will come will come. and i'll meet it when it does.

sounds familiar? YES IT'S A LINE FROM MY HUSBAND.. =) from tday onwards i refuse to respond to anything other than "mrs potter". oh god im so in love... AHHH. caught harry potter and the order of the phoenix with my class girls on friday. it was SOoooooOooo good.. really. i've heard the worst critics abt it but i think it's good leh! nice effects, nice acting, nice summary of the long long plot.

and i've been totally living in some other world the last weekend. i've read harry potter and the deathly hallows THRICE alr. Lolol. it's really, really, really good. i'm really sad to see the series end.. no spoilers, so i wun say anyting abt it. but MUST READ OKAY. IT'S AWESOME.
i wanna go to hogwarts.. :I

came crashing back to earth today with the world-shattering maths test. bleah. seriously man, i so agree with cynthia. i've tried so so hard for maths and yes i've improved. but i rly tink maths and my eight characters dun suit or sth. Lol! im just.. alws so careless. so stupid. so. hopeless.

my whole family's super busy in preparing for my sister's big bday party this friday.. but oh god. im so busy. there's alws ten or more things waiting for me to do.. when will i have the time to do my big surprise? =( rah.

BAH.. o yes, and on 19july.. HAPPY BDAY LINDA!!!!
imagine, i've been sayin that for 16 yrs. HAHA. travelled two hrs on a school day from the west to the east carrying an 1/2kg cake just to wish my dear cousin happy bday. be touched. okay fine i went for the food too. HAHAH NOO..! the steamboat was very nice though.. eating beside yeehan spoiled the ambience. lol. so good to see all of them again!!! i tink 3 yrs ago we'll nv imagine ourselves as sec4s, worried abt schoolwork. all that was impt was wad, netball? matches.. tv.. music... and now.. BOOM. here we are, seniors, sec4s.. all preparing for wad lies ahead. jiayou ppl...!

i cant wait for 19sept. i knw it'll be nth but it'll be everyting if i knw i've survived. my best gift to myself.

N I WANNA WORK, wen! buy condo!

im totally delirious. and screwd.

** and oh yes i forgot that the whole point of starting this post is to tell you that i found my phone again!!! LALALA. super damn lucky right. must thank my guardian angels. :D i cant believe it also. it's like, when i truly thought sth is lost, i'll alws find it back. when i tink things will go wrong, it wun. when i think it wun, it will. life's... wierd. AND LIFE IS HARD. *nods fervently*

---------

they say.. the best things in life are shared. i agree. but what if.. for once.. i dnwanna share? what if for once i just want it to myself. what if for once i jus wanna knw that im liked more, if not best? i know. i know it aint fair this way. i know im being stupid and insecure and ridiculous. but i'm sorry. i cant. it's hard not to be sure that im still number one in your heart. simply put, things will never be the same again. i cant trust you the way i did. cant put you in first place like you were. i knw you wun uds, becos i dun uds it myself too. i'm sorry, but this is the way it's got to be. let's live with it. maybe there's nth good abt being number 1 too.

they say.. tears are a sign of weakness. a sign that your body has lost to your mind. the tears are coming more more and more frequently now, more furious and more helpless than ever. the hot, fat drops just spilled over... no matter how i try. because there's simply nothing left to do. nothing that'll ever change the fact that many things are just the way they are. i hate myself for being so weak. but you knw wad? at least i knw i'll laugh as soon as the tears dry. i knw these furstrations, these helplessness will evaporate with those drops... but tears aint a good habit, it wun help, wun change anything. =x so try, eu, be strong. :)

=) loves.

HANNIE WHEN AM I MEETING U YOU ALIEN?

2007-07-21T09:51:00.001-07:00

So many things to say, over the week there had been tears, fears but nevertheless, i never spent a day without laughters. So, overall, HAPPY :D

Linda's birthday! I really love it when almost all the girls i love sit together and have good laughs over stupid jokes. Just chatting and eating (steamboat) with them, i laughed like there's no tomorrow ( :

And.. i cannot really remember what had happened over the week, just that there isn't much test! How much i loathe tests, i can't spell it out.

But then again, everyone is asking me to be patient, wait till my O's over. Yea, Yuhan be patient ( :

Look at my hands, and legs, full of hanna (is that how you spell it?) Minmin drew on my hand first, then i thought it would be nice to scribble on my hands and legs too. hahas. So, yah, i am drawn, by myself. But it seems like they won't go away for quite some time ):

Yawns, i am a little tired. Photos another day ( :

Night everyone <3

-yaya

2007-07-14T01:23:00.000-07:00

i think that if my life were a movie.. it'd probably be "a series of unfortunate events." lol. well it aint that bad, at least my life movie isnt king kong or sth.. but seriously, my luck is unbelievable.

yes. guess wad? i lost my phone. and yes. i knw wad you're gonnna say. "again?!?" yes. again. bloody hell.

and wad sucks is that i have no idea how or why or wad or when... my smses and missed calls have been directed to my new card, which means the phone hasnt even been on-ed yet. for all i knw it could be lying on the road in some corner unfound.

oh god. this really sucks. and the fact that i've lost my parent's trust in me hurts more than losing the phone. oh yeaa and losing all my contacts and smses isnt making my day as well. though it aint the first time.

daddy mummy has been cool though. after going through the when-what-how thing and the search-the-house-again-and-again-carefully and the why-are-you-so-careless-thing.. (it's like a routine)... later that night they passed me a new phone. plus a new sim card inside. loves!!

i wish i werent so careless. werent so clumsy. werent so stupid. i really have no idea what happened. cant remember a thing. argh.

and besides this there was the usual almost-get-knocked-down-by-car, spill-drinks-in-class, found-the-perfect-clothes-but-no-size crap that always happens to me.

.. not to mention the nervous breakdown i had in class before bio viva(oral). i kept telling myself not to do it to myself. but i cldnt. =( it was so stupid. all becos i was 100% sure i will fail without my coffee... which spilt. really, i believe coffee makes me think faster.

not just me, bad things have been happening to others around me...

haha cynthia and meiyun are utterly convinced they have a black cloud hovering over them which rains on them and gives them lightning bolts from time to time. -_- well i've been trying to blow their clouds away (literally) it doesnt help to have two depressed girls sighing behind me everyday. lol!

my hse tissues is getting used up at an unbelievably fast rate by the women in my hse.. for different reasons though. mummy is sick with a flu.. =x i've been spilling drinks like almost everyday. and.. sis has been crying her eyes out... sigh. her bf in Australia wun be able to come back to Singapore for her 21st bday.

i dnknw. i like the boyfriend alot. :D he buys me chocolates. but.. i rly dnknw where this will lead to for her. if i were to be selfish i dnlike my sister going over for weeks at a time. and... i dnlike the possibility of her living in another country.

wad would i do without my sister's cheer up gifts when misfortunes happen to me? :)

and.. recently one of my frens lost a parent. =x it's like, one of the worst things that can happen to us.. one that none of us like to even think about. to me.. i knw that everyone eventually will die.. but.. it's just.. aint supposed to happen to parents. grandparents, maybe.. but not parents. parents are supposed to be.. DERE. cos they're alws there. when i try to imagine losing my parents, i cant. like omfg NO... i think this line is very true.. "family wont be forgotten... just neglected" people, cherish your parents kae.

and to my blurqueen who has remained strong throughout it all, thankyou for teaching me a lesson. i thought, if i were to lose my parents i'll just DIE. but no. life doesnt work that way... death is inevitable.. and the living must learn how to live on well. i knw you'll nv read this cos you never read blogs.. but i jus wanna say that we'll alws be here. anytime you need us. :)

sigh. im late for work. been working at this road show to promote membership. it's for youth.. hehs. kinda fun. tiring though! and i'm getting more and more used to approaching strangers on the road... for LA film interviews, for selling bread.. and for promoting now.

take it from eu. "and it's from these misfortunes that you'll learn. and knw who're those who'll stick with you just for the taxi ride, and who are those who'll walk with you when you're down."

somedays it really feels like im clinging on to the world.. and like i may slip off anytime.

i really need a break. to be on top of those clouds again.

2007-07-12T06:06:00.000-07:00

One post b4 i study and say goodnight to this world.

In the past i would always run to de-stress, as in forget about everything in the world, all more troubles. Today, i feel like running again. i miss the breeze against me, miss the feeling of being watched by Moon, miss the feeling of being able to just run and think of nothing.

Maybe, just maybe i will run tomorrow :D

But i don't know if i am capable of it. Because now my head hurts from a jump or hop, my legs sore when walking. Grr, my muscles are deflating :(

Well, Knowledge too. If you don't study, even if you are used to seeing Aces on your report sheet, it's not going to be sustained. We always need to train our brain and make sure it's still working.

Oh whatever Yuhan, sleep! ( :

you tell me you're in love with me
like you can't take your pretty eyes away from me
i wanna believe in everything that you say
cause it sounds so good

2007-07-11T05:54:00.000-07:00

Hi to all ( :

I am kinda like down for SSS everyday - School, Study, Shop. Haha. i wonder what's on my mind now. Alright, I am thinking of my undone physics homework, how long will i get to sleep today, and what am i going to revise later on. I sound like i have all the time in the world, and that i am so energetic that i cannot sleep right ? but actually, i am very tired, as in physically lah.

I really love my classroom, and all my friends there ( :
It was initially decorated with only one post-it.

Then i decided that i ought to paste something that will motivate me to study hard, hence i stick another one today.

Look at my table & Grace's. haha. Fun in class :D

Haha, now that i think of it. All of them are aiming for below 10, whereas i am contented with below 12. Because, i detest disappointments. everyone does anyway *shrugs

"So Jesus answered and said to them, “Have faith in God. For assuredly,I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, ‘Be removed and be cast into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that those things he says will be done, he will have whatever he says.Therefore I say to you, whatever things you ask when you pray, believe that you receive them, and you will have them."

2007-07-10T07:24:00.000-07:00

what happens when you get tired of being tired...?

you said, it's okay.. because the eunice you know will never give up. but what happens when eunice wants to give up? what if.. all i want to do is to let go? After all, i should know better than anyone how it feels to be the only one holding on... all the unnecessary emotions and anguish beyond compare. It means nothing to you, and since it cant be everything, it'll mean nothing to me too. I thought it's worth more than that, but apparently, i'm the only one caring. so why bother.

stop walking in and out like that, will you.

but heys. i meant it when i answered the stupid quiz.. "I am happy going to school." -- Strongly Agree.

afterall, horrible tests arent so bad when you have classmates to moan about it after that with you. Long trips home seems much better when you have darlings to talk to. Boring classes fly pass when you're laughing over private jokes. yes meiyun senbon zakura. HAHAHA i still break into hysterical laughter when i tink of it. and yes, i do so enjoy captain ball games with 30 over ppl snatching one ball. lol..

everyday is just so busy... days are flying. and the number of approaching tests are more than One Two Threee. ugggh.

betcha yeehan's busy mugging too. ( i better be right darling. WHY ARE U READING THIS?!) so our dear bloggie's gonna be lonely for quite some time. lol. but we'll both do it. and conquer those exam papers which seems to contain monsters inside. gah.

boohoohoo people.

2007-07-07T01:55:00.000-07:00

Isnt it scary that people could forget themselves, how they were like?

the other day i was at the dentist when i saw this photo of ugly teeth.. "who is that?"... i asked.. "you lor.." "NO WAY!". but it really is me. i've just forgotten how my teeth was before braces start to straighten it out.

=x the other was in com lab with lagging computers.. den i suddenly remember that i've spent most of my primary school life with a computer even slower than that. i've forgotten how it feels to have to wait almost 15 minutes for a page to load.

it's like, the mere existence of something can be forgotten once it has been replaced with something better.. like recently a fren of mine who broke up with her long long bf told me she rly cannot rmb how life is before they got tgt... i can remember i once felt like that too. like i have no idea what life was like before i fell in love. like life was just meaningless.

it scares me. like if someday, uhh.. i become strike by lightning & turn super gorgeous, become super rich and lead a great life.. i can just forget who i am now.

i dnwan! the life i lead now aint filled with glory and glamour, aint filled with drama and excitement. but i wanna remember it. :) just the way it was.

dun ever forget the girl you was. remember you were happy. very happy. just the way you are.

2007-07-05T05:45:00.000-07:00

Funny, how boredom really kills. These few days in school were pure fun ! instead of whining that school ends at 250 everyday, and plus my SSS, remedials and my mock exams, I chose to spend every minute talking, learning, talking and learning. 4G is made up of very very very fun people. A very vibrant class. Our teacher was nice to let us arrange our tables into urms, V shaped. so it's like choir arrangement, very fun. I can easily chat across the class, okays, interact with everyone in the class :DDD I never understood why i would think that lessons are boring. Come to think of it now, our teachers are trying very hard to teach us, under that bleedy hot sun. talking about that sun, i don't deny it is the source of our energy, but damn, it makes the weather so bleedy disgusting that i get migraines and cuts my trains of thoughts, EVERYDAY ) :

Haha, Orange is emo-ing. It's so adorable, and when I am sad, i just squeeze it's big big head! It really cheered me up alot when I am so stressed up over homeworks !

okokies, i am off le ! Eunice i miss you alot too ! that's a photo for you ! to think of me MORE ( :oh wells, i was in the library, bored ! we can still meet up to study <3>

Cute right the soft toy ! Took it in General office !
I am addicted to my own face, i wonder why. ( :

2007-07-04T06:39:00.000-07:00

Stress-- i've alws thought it's a good thing. especially to me, aka ms. no-motivation.. i nv knw i have a limit where stress could take control of my life. i nv knw it could ruin me. but it did.

i cannot remember ever being so freaking stressed up in my entire life. and over the silliest things too.

Got so stressed over the twenty mark chem test.. electrolysis and energy changes. somehow the more i study, the more unsure i get. i ended up thinking so much that people think im crazy. so funny, everyone will study and be confident.. den i'll ask some questions and everyone will stun and.. "omg i dnknw." Lol. faith and yun refused to talk to me before the test. :( In the end the test was quite okay lor. but i was in such a frenzy dat i totally din knw wad i was doing.. i din do myself justice. i tink will fail lor!! that's the problem with chem. it's no use if you knw, you must knw how to answer. grrr...

and i cant believe right now im stressed over the history project. which i normally wun give a damn. it's like, every mark, every assignment, every test, plays a part in securing your grade. which plays a part in your gpa. every little thing matters. i cannot afford to fail, not right now.

i cannot afford to make mistakes. Once mrs ong wrote on my test paper "don't be afraid to make mistakes, cos only via mistakes will you learn." i think that is sooo true. but. it doesnt work this way. One mistake might cost me.

argghhh. im driving myself crazy. got so stressed up my head hurts. it's pounding.

it's not just work. everything jus seems to be going wrong right now. im so stressed im losing my appetite. and then my mum gets upset cos she spent the whole day cooking and my heart jus aint in eating. then i get stressed to eat. do you knw how it feels when you look at a mountain of rice and you jus wanna puke? but you still have to eat.. oh god.

im stressed to sleep. i cant sleep. yet my dad will wait for me to sleep before he goes to sleep. no matter how late it gets. he doesnt say a word, jus wait. but it makes me even more stressed to finish my work and go sleep so he can too. last night it got so bad i tossed and turned for hours. in the end i asked my sister to sing me lullabys. LOL. =) it worked.

im stressed for time. i simply have no time. i'd love to relax. to pick up calls and talk freely. but i cant. i just cant. i cant put down the things i have to do. i'd love to accompany my sister watch tv. i knw she's upset that i dont anymore. i'd love to accompany frens to shop.

i'm stressed over relationships. i want to spend the time to set things right. but it seems so hard. i hate having to pretend it's fine when it's not. i hate hiding things. i've never kept a secret from you before, and i dont intend to. but at the same time it's all so complicated dat i jus wanna push it all away. i knw that if this continues.. the distance will grow and grow. eventually we'll get used to the distance. and i dnwan it to happen.

aRrrrgggggggHhhHhH. what would i do without my girlfriends... it all seems better with them though.

talked to one of my favourite girlfrens tday. really, i cannot ever imagine talking to a guy the way i talk to my girlfrens. :D girlfrens just.. understand. i love how the sky just magically turned dark and yet time doesnt seem enough.. how talking doesnt change anything but somehow helps.

yes m'dear you're right. when there's a special bond btw two people, it's just so special. it's wierd how things just "feel right" when you're with some people. how is it that just the two of you is enough, how is it that you dun have any connection with the rest of the other person's world yet you still can connect to that person...

that's why i've alws prefered one best fren to a group of close frens. it's nice when you're in a group, there're more laughter and fun. but you can have fun and laughter with anyone.. yet the special connection only with some. all my frens are SOO different. yet i knw and uds them all. & they rly do knw ME. =) loves.

and i cant imagine life wivout wen. =D we'll work for it tgt yeah? today i was like telling myself "must sms wen goodluck before test. must sms wen goodluck before test." the test is supposed to be "challenging" you see... but darn the period before her test chi tchr is like hovering at my desk. so when i finally took out my phone... i received a sms from wen saying goodluck! hahaha telepathy! cool eh?

hmmmm oh yea i rly rly must say that ms low rawks. tday during maths i was like studying chem.. so she went "hello ms. eunice?" then i said i aint in the mood for maths, will study tmr! and she was like.. hmm okay la but must study tmr kay.. Lol. ms. low can be quite naggy at times but you've got to give it to her.. she is an understanding teacher. :)

***

hannie!! i miss you. and i dntink i will be meeting you till after your O's hor.. :( sad. very very. maybe we can meet to study! i can teach you.. uhh. electrolysis. -.- anw, shall show you my new shoes since you wun get to see it soon. scared by the time you see it'll be dirty and ugly liao. Lol.

OH and my sis bought the Panasonic Lumix cam.. the one that got PINK, silver and black. and she chose black. like, wth? haiii. pics taken with new cam. like no diff leh. lol.

ADIDAS GOLD. =) omygod la the first time i saw it in KL i fell in love. limited ed i tink.

xD what can i say.. "very-eunice shoe!" hehs. when i told wen i bought a new very-me shoe she was like... let me guess, white, pink nike tick again? =D bingo.

new heels.. =)

say hi to eunice's heels. oh and guess wad? most of them i've never worn out yet. lol. they look so pretty in displays right. but hor. before going out they somehow just look like monsters waiting to kill my feet..

So i invested in a pair of nice slippers! omg it's squishy material. hee. damn comfortable. i tink i can foresee myself wearing this everywhere, forever.

Just like my good old pair of shoes. which most of my frens should have seen ba. it has accompanied me everywhere for the past year.. =x but now.. it is time for it to go to pulau semakau. goodbye. rest in peace. =(

LOL. fine. i dnknw how to use the camera. lol.

i so wanna kiss the guy who invented the telephone. somehow life feels so much better knowing everyone is just 8 numbers away.

2007-07-03T07:27:00.000-07:00

昨天才沉浸在爱情的甜蜜中
今天却没勇气面对陌生的他

因为我不再相信永远
更害怕一次又一次的失望

对即将降临的考试
更是感到七上八下
上吐下泻
哈！

烦－这字怎么写
为什么隐隐约约看见我在里头

瑀涵加油吧（：

2007-07-01T18:21:00.000-07:00

i cant stop singing this song. x)

从昨天到今天还有明天
感谢老天让你们陪在我身边
爱的心痛的心等待的心
因为你们的拥抱我很放心

当初见面的不安彼此的探索
也许有些茫然迷惑
朝夕相处才发现这世界中
没有人比你们更懂我

朋友姐妹
都已不够来形容
我们的默契骄傲
扶持与包容

老婆老婆
我们一起打勾勾
请记得约定的旅程到永久

=)) i really love my wifes.

2007-07-01T07:06:00.000-07:00

had cip today.. let's just say i wun forget the images of bread-selling quickly... o.o hotdog buns for $2. lol.. and woon & yun terrorising lil children to buy bread. tsktsk. fun though.. =) going all out to promote bread. i even went as far as to say "oh it's highly nutritional and very delicious! it'll give you loads of energy! AND it's for charity!" ... in truth? i will never even dream of eating those thingys. much less buying them.

oh yes. and now i officially consider myself a mochaholic. besides a chocoholic, a coke addict, a pastamaniac.. and a pinkaholic (duh). there're so many tings in life i just cant get enough of.. =) starbucks frappucino mocha rawks!

and i just cant seem to get enough of girlchats too. =)

lol.

*** thankyou so much, really really. i dnknw wad i'd do without you... it's breaking.. it broke. but with you there, at least it din shatter. =) and i knw i'd be okay...

they say, friends are hard to find. luckily i knw where to find you.

2007-06-30T09:12:00.000-07:00

Happy day, Happy yuhan ( : I have so many things to talk about, but they seem to be so scattered. Hmphs, *come back come back !

I saw my good friend, he didn't change much, i was really happy to see him. yes, you can imagine me jumping around excitedly :D

that's for today !

2007-06-30T03:25:00.001-07:00

urgh. first week of school and already all my weekends are packed for things like project, cip, and more projects. =x

jus came home from LA documentary filming.. i so love my LA group. hahaha. in short, we get things done. in long, we're dramatic, crazy, ridiculous, and we have hell loads of fun while getting things done. : D i hope it turns out alright though.

anyway, if only we can all teleport. there's always this problem of lateness, with everyone, everywhere... and when people wait for long, people end up getting angry. and thus, ruining a day. heyyy im often on the late end, so i knw. it's not like we wanna be late or wad! it's always the public transport's fault. *nods aggressively* it's also furstrating to be trapped in a bus stop or sth.

was at d bus stop today when i saw this woman trying to handle her five children.. who were like, screaming, shouting, pinching each other or sth. and i thought... if i was her, i'd proably smack one, strangle one, breathe fire at one, tear one apart, and cook the last one. lol! and then i wondered why im so mean. maybe becos they're like, LOUD. or maybe becos they're so WILD.. or maybe... becos i've grown up. i can remember a time where i wondered why all grown ups are always so busy, so easily irritated, so.. not fun. and now, im like that.

once my fren told me i look the kind who wun wanna have children. i was surprised. i lovee children. when i was small i wanted to be a mother of five okay. now, i tink i'd be happy being a mother of two. i wonder when i grow older will i think i have no time for children & dun want any at all? a part of me has always remained young, childish. but another part of me no longer has the patience, the time to play with little kids. and that's bad. if i continue being the way i am now, busy with my work, my frens, my life, having no free time, no patience.. i might become the successful woman i've always wanted to be. i might become the doctor i've always dreamed to be. but.. i'd make a horrible, horrible mother.

noooo. i musnt forget.. not to judge or look down on children, ever. i wanna be a great mum, and so, im determined to learn everything that i need to learn for my children.. including how to be patient. :)

on thurs we watched a documentary on abortion in bio class. we were forewarned about the gruesome-ness of it. and it was pretty bad, tearing the baby apart and pulling them out piece by piece. it was bloody. but at the same time.. i must say i don't agree that abortion should be banned or anything. i agree it's cruel.. but i feel it's necessary if you really cant help it. An unwanted birth, or a birth that'll bring health, or other problems will only lead to a sad, long life. an unwanted existence. why not end the existence before it began. yes, it aint right to deprive the baby of a chance to live at all, but maybe it'll go somewhere better? what if you giving this baby this "right" to live, will only lead to misery in other's existence? & as cruel as it is.. it's a medical process. to terminate a fetus before it came into this world. if it's born as a hated existence, it'll be worse. what if people kill it when it's already born? wun it even be more painful?

abortion's really a complicated issue. it'll of course be better to give birth and put it up for adoption.. some doctors feel that abortion is murder. but i feel that it's only a process. you wouldnt feel bad to dig the embryo of an egg of out the egg would you? isnt it the same? it's technically alive too. it has a chance too. maybe im a heartless and horrible person. or maybe im really suited to be a doctor. haha.

i thought i'd cry. i cry easily. and my bio teacher said that girls have cried after watching this video. but i din cry.. which made me realise why i often cry. it's the helplessness that always got to me. the fact that the way it's just the things ARE, and even if i dun like it there's nth i can do. nothing at all. i hate this. i wish i have the power to do many things. but i just don't. i wish i can make somebody who has changed change back, but i just cant. i hate the fact that too many a times, you just have to accept it.. and watching that film, i know that the mother had a choice, and she wanted it. and that's that.

there's so much to be done. and nothing i feel like doing, at all.

2007-06-27T04:34:00.000-07:00

" our dreams must be bigger than our memories. "

so choose not to dwell in those sad memories and instead go all out for your dream. but..
what if your dream hurts more than memories?

=x

lol. now hannie it's my turn to share with you sth i learn in chinese class! hehs. sometimes i really wonder what are so many chinese and english lessons for.. i feel like i learn nth there as compared to other lessons. sad to say, more often that not language classes are more like chiong-hw-under-the-table or chitchat times.. hee.

but language cant be that easily learnt. it's jus an everyday thing. the more exposure, the more experience.. the better you get. i've been speaking chinese all my life. yet i cant write many simple words.. simply becos i never wrote them before. i stick to conversation chinese which makes my essays sounds stupid. no matter what my points.

okay i digress. in chinese tday, we discussed blogs. why, how, and what for... hmm. everyone blogs for different reasons bah. hannie, why do we blog? : D to share, i guess.

im a blogworm. always has been, always will be. i've alws loved books, love seeing other ppl's lives through their eyes. but recently i've been wondering.. maybe it's a bad thing afterall.. maybe sometimes ignorance is bliss.

im crazy. -.-

2007-06-26T04:59:00.000-07:00

I learnt two things today. They harp on the same issue, but just different views.

One, during chinese lesson i learnt that we like to enjoy life and does not work hard for what we want that kinda thing. it meant something like we must think not for ourself but for others, always prepare ourselves for hardships in future.

Two, we must learn to take breaks. Stopping from our work isn;t laziness or running away, but it's to recharge to take a bigger step forward. So i remember, sometimes we take a step back to jump further.

So One or Two. I prefer the latter. Because.. I don't know, i prefer to enjoy life ! Life's a joke sometimes, we just have to laugh at ourselves and hey ! you are away from the dark moments ( :

Learn to take a break. You will realise questions you've pondered for hours could be solved within minutes, laughters filled the air so easily, your days ain't draggy but energised; you became yourself, one who isn't tied down by this fast paced world. Enjoy life; One life Live it !

2007-06-25T09:59:00.000-07:00

It's pointless. If it's a treasured moment, we wouldn't need diaries. We always feel that jotting down some special days will mean recognition to that day. Then i realised today as i flipped through my diaries, i have forgotten so many of the things i had done in the past. Since i won't remember them, i shouldn't even be writing down. Because they are pretty much insignificant.

Anyway this post was continued from several days ago, it was stagnant since that paragraph. So actulaly, i've forgotten how i wanted to end it, what my content is going to be like.

How many of you believe in inspirations ? I do, but sometimes, i feel that it came to me because God wants to reward me for thinking hard. We always say that we don't have the "feel" to write this composition, but is it because we are too lazy to think, or is it really because we have no ideas. Some of us really think very hard, but always there isn't a really nice plot. And now i know, it's because we are too distracted. Our brain is too filled up with other miscellaneous stuffs, they are minor individually, but as a together, they are enough to chase away all the good plots derived.

I didn't do well for my papers, not because i didn't study hard enough. But because my focus wasn't there. to put it mildly, i was too distracted. i must be too naive to think that i can do well with my phone on, chatting with another person, using the comp, singing along to a song played on the computer. serve me right. =/

i always believed that hard work brings great achievement. until that day i came across this architect, he said " do not believe in inspiration, because if you think hard enough, you will find the solution to your problem. " the only difference between me and him is, he believes in himself, i believe in divinity. naive and childish.

Now our eyes meet, i have this crazy plan
it had hatched inside my head since zillions __ ago
i want to run away with you
to a land with just you&i, flowers&trees, the sun&the moon
Because i don't like overnight disputes, brewing jealousy
i prefer quiet time with you, lovely days with you
and this crazy plan, i will never stop thinking about it !
Honey, get me ? ( :

2007-06-25T04:38:00.000-07:00

school's cool. aint totally true but it rhymes. =P

school's fun anyway. =) feels good to be back. back to us multi-tasking during every lesson. back to chitchats and gossips and laughter and jokes and times spent just stoning. back to recesses and afterschool outings and shopping and study sessions. back to me & my peers.

BUT it's also back to early mornings and late nights. to homework and tests. to stress eating all of us up. it's almost enough to make me want the holidays back. and it's only the second day!

first day was scary. first day alws feel scary. i dnknw why. it's the same old ppl at the same old place. u'd think i'd have gotten used to it after 3 and a half yrs right.. but nah, first days alws makes me feel jittery. and i aint the only one. ;P

feels funny to be putting on sch u. everyday after nt wearing it for one whole mth hor... but when i was putting it on i realised that every single student in Singapore is getting ready for school after one whole mth too... and that makes it all better.

i love my daughter, rain. =)

hehs. it aint easy. to tell yourself you gotta study you gotta study when it all seems so far away. but im getting used to it! frens help though. i believe in peer studying. hehs. tday was in school till 8+. ugh. and we went for an evening jog around the track. LOL.

59 days to exams.

it's the final lap.. i jus wanna put in all i have..

but i guess now im just disappointed and discouraged.
miracles just don't happen to everybody i guess. funny, i aint even sure if it's a miracle i really really wanted. but it just's sad. that it din happen. hahaha.

im turning blue. oh no. i want to be pink. happyhappypink.

2007-06-22T20:35:00.001-07:00

AHHHHhhhhhhhhhHHHHhhhhhHHHHHHHHHH!!
BWAHHHhhHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhHHHHHHHhH!!!aRghHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhHHHHHHhhhhh!!!!!

omigod omigod OMYGOD.

=x please. please let a miracle happen.

dntink abt it. dntink abt it. dntink abt it. i cant deal with disappointments.

anw, tday i met my relatives and my mummy asked my cousin wad she wanted to be when she grew up.. and she said.. "A HELLO KITTY".. everyone was speechless. but i knew wad to say! HEE. i said, "are you sure, hello kitty cannot talk one leh.. why not a powerpuff girl? can fly!!".. =) i left everyone even more speechless. LOL.

but everyone shld knw why she wanted to be a hello kitty huh. it's the cutest thing on earth!!! awww. cute... x) one of my best fren is a hello kitty! hahaha.

ughh. i feel so bad. really really so bad. another one of my best frens might be angry at me. she should be, anyway. me & meiyun san have been planning tmr's shopping trip for AGES.. we're gonna raid town and buy all the things we kept looking at but never bought. hehs. going out with meiyun is almost guaranteed to come home with sth ridiculously spastic. and we'll have cynthia behind going "oh this is impulsive buy!! that is unnecessary. THIS IS UGLY!! no buyyyy!" lolol! were all looking forward to it i guess.

BUT. i cannot make it. ugggh. family's going malaysia to watch Fantastic Four. and seeing as it's me who wanted to watch it i jus cant not go..

i hate it when ppl ps or last min cant go! gah. im so sorry yun i rly din mean it. i dnknw how to tell you how sorry i am. hehs. i can only hope lazy lazy meiyun will come and read my blog one fine day and not be TOO angry at me. =x

& yes, malaysia feels like bugis. my second second home.. -__-

2007-06-22T09:59:00.000-07:00

im feeling so... deliciously happy.

so happy. really happy. big-smiley-face happy.

why? becos of.. nothing. haha! dn -_- me. im serious. nothing's wrong, and nothing especially right happened too. im jus feeling happy, and trust me, you dun need a reason to be happy.

it's been a long time since i felt like this. so fine. so okay. i love how simple everything is now, and where a history essay is the biggest of all my problems. i love my happy family. i love my happy frens. i love happy me. i rmb once i told my fren, i'll never be okay again.. never. but that was a lie, and i knw it now. no one will never be okay again. never is too long a time, even longer than forever.

& i guess i should count my lucky stars. everything seems to be going on fine in this small world of mine. there're no worries abt anyone or anything, there're no commitments, no strings attached and no hidden meanings.

simplicity, it's a beautiful thing.

hee. La filming at faith's hse was omigod-so-hilarious.. i tink im gonna dig a hole and just DIE in there if it ever gets shown to the whole lvl. & if anyone hears or knws abt wad went on behind i'd bet they'd be amazed at our smartness.

& tday started with me & tang super motivated to go mug! thus we paid six dollars for a BRIGHT PINK drink in starbucks.. hmm studying with wen is almost guaranteed productive. well, more than cynthia anyway. =P but.. oh well. who can study for long in ORCHARD? so we soon abandoned our books and go shopping. =D walked from heerens to far east and BACK to cineleisure.. lol. and guess where we went for dinner? YES PASTAMANIA. THE ONE AND ONLY CHOICE!! -.- i sound like a bad commercial.

i love it when it's so simple to talk to someone. when you dun have to think before you speak. when there's no need for polite and measured words. when you can talk abt everyting under the sun and knw you wun be judged.

i knw i dn say it enough, i love you girl.

COS U OWE ME A CHOC SUNDAE. HAHAHAHAHA. -.- kay jus kidding.

i rly hope dreams come true.

2007-06-20T09:47:00.000-07:00

i knw i said i wun be blogging much, i planned to spend by the rest of my holidays doing my hw. but instead, i've been stuck staring at the screen wondering why it is so easy to fill this page up with words and so hard to fill my microsoft with words. uhh maybe i shld try writing my history essay here.

Is Hitler a smart man or is he just a damn lucky guy?
A piece of shit. says:
go ask him haha

LOL. i wished.

anyway, this one is for people like jinghuan who reads my blog out of pure boredom and delights in my misfortunes.. haiis. i make every one feel lucky.

embarassing incident #1:

was in the mrt when my earring dropped. wells, it's round. and it rolls! but i was determined to get it back. so i was like crawling around after it in my skirt... & i got the whole carriage helping me look for it..! =) singaporeans are nice. in the end i found it! and when i got off the train, i realised i lost the other one.

embarassing incident #2:

me & cynthia were shopping when we met ms. krishnan, (my history teacher). so she was like, "wow where are you all going? no homework?". so we said tgt, "oh we're going to the library!".. (it was the initial plan anyway)... and then.. we pointed in totally different directions. ms. krishnan raised her eyebrows and went.. "oh.. right."

embarassing incident #3:

one morning, (in a very blurry state okay), i was putting on my contact lens.. den i suddenly realised only got one in the box!! =O so i hollered.. DADDY!!! I LOST MY CONTACT LENS!! so i got my whole family in the bathroom looking for my contact lens, which is already tinted blue so it's easy to find. den suddenly.... daddy: ehh, wad's that in your right eye? me: a contact len lah. daddy: DEN?!?! me: ... but i lost the other one! dere's only one in my box! ... and... and.. there's one in my eye too. oh.. shit.

embarassing incident #4:

hahaha me and woon were talking and walking and suddenly i just naturally directed him to where i was going... which happens to be.. THE LADIES. lolol i totally forgot he was uhh, male. he really feels like my jie mei. well. the more embarassing part was that there were ppl inside the toilet who were giving me funny looks. they must have seen how i tried to direct a male into the females.. sigh.

embarassing incident #5:

I was at the dental clinic, with the dentist hand's inside my mouth. suddenly an incoming message came in and the vibration shocked me.. so i just bite on instinct.. and heard... OWWWWWwwwwwwwwwWwww. uhh. she went for first aid and came back super black face with a plaster. oops.

whyyy is it always me.

2007-06-19T09:55:00.001-07:00

And the time has come to get used to holding a pen again.. to pressing calculators and praying hard you wont get "error 2".. to cramming facts into your brains and throwing them away after tests.. to facing the blank computer and trying to squeeze out some kind of decent essay... to putting more quotations marks into your chinese essay so it'll fill uo more zuowen zi... the time has come to put away all holiday-ness and get back to the books. stress all over homework and start worrying for the weekly test.

=x life's hard.

the best thing abt the holidays? i love waking up and stoning.. just lying in bed refusing all the voices telling you it's time to wake up. dreamily thinking abt the day or the day before.

but not for long anymore. come monday, i'll probably jump out of bed when i realise im late. i'll have to run after the school bus and run to assembly.. the mad rush will begin. =(

haiis. alright. the second best thing abt the holidays? outings.. =)

kboxing with mjs, singing songs that ranges from a few weeks old to uhh, the 60th century? lol. it was worth paying $15+ to watch weifu dance bo si mao though.. and duh, me & my jiemei of course have to sing our zhong jie gu dan by mayday! it's gonna be hit song in our album.. which is coming your way soon in all big cd stores! uhh, just look for the best-seller and you'll see that it's me and meiyun's album. =) feel free to ask me for autographs. dn ask meiyun she has ugly handwriting.

2F outing to sentosa was lots of fun too. sentosa! the sun! the sea! the beach! beach volleyball! swimming! and.. getting sunburnt. =x lol. oh yes and we almost went to jail. -.- cos we happily decided to swim in the pool, which is cleaner than the sea anyway. so we naively tailgated into coasta sands resort and was happily swimming when we got caught and thrown out of the resort dripping wet. o.O never even let us bath lor. so bad. okay fine so we werent staying there but there's no sign outside the gate that says "please do not enter if you're not a resident"... so... =)

hahaha photos!

all of us.

in d monorail.

girls! the winner of the ice-and-water race.. =) =)

and the main focus of this photo is NOT the poor old uncle named ivan sitting abandoned on the beach... it's the clouds and palm trees behind.. it's a beautiful day!

hee sorry but the rest of the beach photos aint for your eyes. =P

hmm and of course, there were shopping trips. orchard. bugis. toa payoh. marina sq. tampines. suntec. vivocity. i love my girlfrens. much much.

i call this photo.. try no buy. HAHA.. i rly love this top. =x but oh well. sigh. budget!

this photo TOTALLY failed to capture the scenery of vivocity at night, but heys, it was a nice try.. do go see for yourself though. =)

and of course, going on a ferry with my family was sure a nice break.. my family loves the sea and the seabreeze. just like me. =)

omg i have tweety bird hair. look at the three strands poking out. =O

liddat cooler right? right. =)

iced mocha and icecream. oh god, heavenly.

and we met up to celebrate yifan's bday tday! =D so good to see the 4B people again... =) ate at hann's... uhh, our range of topic covers from schoolwork to religion to a guy who ate his dick. LOL.

i do so hope the birthday girl likes the cake and the presents! =D happy sweet seventeen! yeah still sweet at 17 dnworry... im glad you love the bag, cos we walked for one whole day, went to 3 different ripcurls, and still bought the first bag we saw. ask ms lee siuling why.. haha! but oh well. it was love at first sight. for me anyway.

the brownie double fudge chocolate cake. =) delicious!! and.. sinful.

hee. it's been a long week summed up in an even longer post. it has been yet another holiday. eventful, yes. but nt exactly fulfilling.. me & cyn's studying plan just flopped apart. haha!

i realised it's been a long time since i blogged fully abt wad's bothering me.. simply becos it's gonna be long and boring. or the real truth is that im afraid of being judged. afraid of baring a part of my feelings and thoughts to the world, you nv knw who's reading your blog afterall. even i like reading blogs of people who aint really frens, jus ppl i knw.

reading abt wad's going on in my life aint really abt reading abt wad's going on with ME, if you get wad i mean... & reading wen's blog i realise dat i too, miss the eu that blogs without thinking.. without caring.. who can talk abt sensitive things dat're truly bothering me. i mean, it doesnt really matter what people think, aint it?

of course, i'd still recommend you to click the X at the upper left hand corner or just skip to the next entry, cos it's pretty boring.

so.. how am i? the question i hate to answer. i am still the same i guess. dreaming impossible daydreams. reading books dat i knew will make me cry. being silly and retarded. loving to shop, to talk, to walk. loving the rain, the sun, and the perfectly clear cotton-candy-clouds days. hurting over the same old things.

but im worried. im confused. im lost. i dnknw wad i want anymore. and i hate it.. i hate how nothing is ever "right" or "wrong". or how by the time you find out it's usually too late. i dont want to rush into things, i want to be absolutely 100% sure. but how? there's alws a what if.. i love how you never fail to make me laugh.. how i can just be myself when im with you. how you always make everything seem a little better. but i also like how simple things are now. it's easier this way.

and i cant. i just.. cant. i doubt anyone will understand why.. i dont understand it myself. but a part of me just refuses to let go of a broken thread dat's hurting me. or pherhaps like someone said, it's just tied to me. and the more i pull it away from me, the tighter it goes. i cannot deny it's existence, i just have to accept it and move on. but it aint easy. esp you aint making it easy. i nv want to talk abt this, but there're people who knew through just one look that im hurting.. and they tell me i've gotta stop living in denial and talk abt it. me? i jus wanna get away.

i want to leave. i want to get out of dunman high. it aint a bad place, it has nice people, and the school rules are perfectly reasonable. but im sick and tired of the harsh judgements. not just by students, but by teachers as well. once i have this friend from another school who told me he heard from this girl in my school that i tried to seduce so-and-so and i have attitude problem.. oh wth? it aint the first time but i usually get bimbo or airhead instead.

thinking abt it makes my blood boil. i've never even talked to that girl before in my life.. and hello. im a sixteen(almost) year old girl. the only possible way i can think of to seduce a guy is by uhh, asking harry potter to brew me a love potion.. ugh. nobody knws wad rly happens and yet everyone has a story of their own. it sucks.

and im sick and tired of all the bimbo crap.. i really really hate this stereotype. i mean, if you knw me, i dun deny i often get retarded and silly and airheady.. but if you dont den you're jus judging me cos of the pink factor, and it jus aint right. im no smartbrain, but im no bimbo. i might not be the most knowledgeable person on earth, but im not, NOT, a stupid dumb woman. i've come to believe that abt myself. thinking myself incapable of accomplishing big things, of becoming a doctor.. which is, stupid. i worked hard, got damn lucky, and got a gpa of 3.43.. it doesnt show anything.. but at the start of the year when i said i wanted a gpa of 3.2 everyone laughed. see? dont look down on me.

i kept hearing all these judgements, passed in a small school where everyone knws everyone and people talk abt one another. it's getting to me. i jus wanna go somewhere else where a coloured hairband wun give you "aa" badges. i jus wanna go somewhere where there're more people like me. where there's more life than just grades and ccas. there're other factors.. but the main point is that im ready for sth else, and i wanna leave. that's all. it's not influence or anything.

but im hesitant. here, now.. i have true frens who i knw knows me. who told me they dun care if im a bimbo or wad cos it's me. everyone judges.. how can i be sure the people at other places wun judge? im very happy now, kinda.. do i rly wanna leave all these for sth unknown?

the day i found out i was coming to dhs, after mths of wanting to come.. i was happy at first after i heard the news, i sat down and cried for 2 hrs straight before i started calling people to tell them the news..

i dnknw i dnknw i dnknw. i'm so near. so near yet so far to my one-way-ticket out of here. i dnknw if i will go in the end, but i wanna make sure i at least have the choice... so once school starts, it's back to mugging. i really want that gpa.. god, help me.

phew. wad a long long post.. it feels good.

wun be blogging much anymore i tink.. cos sch's starting soon.. and i've got a mountain of undone hw that i need to flatten.

=x of course, im meeting up once more with yun and wen some days to go shoppingggg! heyyy cut me some slack, i do need to buy many things. and it's the great singapore sale! it's national duty to go shop.

爱我却不能给你我全部
我能给的却又不是你想要拥有的
我们不适合也不想认输
好几次我们抱着彼此都是想要哭

(: music saved my life.

2007-06-19T06:16:00.000-07:00

Because naive Yuhan thinks that by ordering expensive food during the family dinner would be enough to burn a hole in her dad's pocket.

" I want this :D "
Exclaiming loudly while flipping each page, pointing to the most expensive dish on the page.

So i guess he could read my mind and wants me to finish eating everything that i ordered since they cannot finish..

):

i don't think i put on much weight, but it saddens me to spoil my diet plan just to make my dad embarrass if he cannot pay.. However, he could settle the bill easily..

): ): ):

I've decided that perhaps by paying for my clothes would be more reasonable ? ahh !

Yuhan, grow up ! when i grow up, i would want my guy to book the whole restaurant with the most beautiful scenery to look at while dining. i will marry him (:

lalala~

2007-06-19T00:22:00.000-07:00

chenyuhanchenyuhanchenyuhan! Really love my name so much, the underlying meaning to my chinese name is awesome too ! It makes me feel special !

瑀-
[1] the luster of jade [2] a jadelike pebble [3] smooth and glossy; clean and shining; bright and brilliant [4] transparent; pure [5] bright and clever (person)
涵- [1] damp and marshy; wet [2] [v] contain [3] lenient and broad-minded

Eunice, don't you go puking around at my name again !

well, everyone will have his or her own meaning to their name. like both my brothers' names, their names can be combined to mean 浩翰威严 ! and so many examples, actually all Chinese are afraid of giving their children the wrong name. it has been said that a good name will give you a good life, superstitious but.. precaution is better than cure isn't it ? ( :

Personally i feel that it's still hard work that brings you luxuries, though sometimes i feel that talent alone is enough to do the job.

ultimately, i realised that it's confidence that will bring you success !

By touching you may kill, by keeping away you may possess.

-

Hilarious photos below (((: {result of playing scissors-paper-stone}

快乐，你快乐吗？

2007-06-17T11:54:00.000-07:00

omfg im addicted to blogging.

it must be all bcos im allergic to homework.

AHH.

2007-06-17T11:22:00.000-07:00

the only thing permanent in life.. is impermanence.

We tend to relate to this truth only in the negative aspect.. we forget the other side of the coin. The rain will come after the sunshine, but sunshine also comes after the rain.. Impermanence means the "constant change" of all phenomena. Everything arises and passes away. When you see this, you're away from sorrow. bcos when you're in suffering, know that "this too, shall pass." take it easy and be realistically hopeful for a change for the better. When in Joy, know that "this too, shall pass". Treasure it, but don't be too attached.

Then, and only then, you'll learn to that change aint something to be feared, but instead, a hope given to us from heaven..

*****

A word conjures up 10,000 different thoughts..
in 10,000 different minds.
What do my words conjure in yours?

Is your thought but one in a million?
How is it different?
What makes you so sure that's wad i really meant?

The world thrives largely on illusions
conjured by deluions.
be ever clear.

Even the words of the enlightened
can become deadly paths for those too deluded.
Cling not to words.
Cling not to your perception of them..
Words are afterall just words..

Whatever it is,
however much,
hope you understand what this means..
Well words can only help this much.

*****

im not sure what i wanted to say either. just that it's 2.34 am now, and i've been having one of those really wierd days.. days where you start thinking and remembering. must have been the rain.

it's funny. i can still remember everything that happened clearly.. sometimes too clearly. i can remember the events. i can remember the words. i can remember how i felt. but till now i still don't understand why. but then again, maybe there isnt a why. maybe it's jus the way things is.

on a lighter note, went to imm tday and i witnessed an ice-skating competition! oh boy it was so.. eggciting. it makes me wanna get onto the ice too! but oh well. i'll start hugging the bar again. sigh.

oh yes and i went to the bank and wanted to make my atm card, and they were like, oh no you're not sixteen. i was like.. =D but i have an ic! and im almost sixteen anyway. it doesnt matter righttttt? the receptionist: "YES it matters. it's only three months till sept or you can get your mum to come. NEXT!!" me...: *hurt*... I'LL BE BACK!!! receptionist: *stuns*

it's just a few months! i went all the way dere & queued for nothing. ugh. what's the big deal? i mean, it's not like whether i breathed for 15 and 3/4 years or 16 years matters to my atm card right.. or watching a show, or wadever.. whyyy isnt my bday on 1st jan! =(

life's hard. at least it is on rainy days.

2007-06-17T08:24:00.000-07:00

Within the next few days, i see that my dramatic life would come to an end. No one will hear me saying that i shopped till i thought i would drop dead the next day, or how much i envied the moon being envied by couples in the middle of the night, or me getting drunk !

Actually my life is much of a routine, meeting my beloved, my friends. I realised sometimes, why am i not spending time with my family, because i know they will be with me for a lifetime. everyone of us has taken our family for granted, we know why and ironically, we don't bother to mend the situation.

Today, i looked down through the window from the 12th level, i imagined my body plunging down and hitting the floor with a loud *plop. I though, for so many years human tried to make themselves fly, yet to no avail. the closest feeling of us flying, bungee jump ? Humans are after all incapable of making every thing happen, we are not God, we just have to do what we are supposed to do.

Why do people try so much to hide their feelings and intentionally divulge it to others?

-瑀涵

2007-06-16T16:55:00.000-07:00

bcos i din wanna be the ones with the blues.

bcos i nv stopped loving you since the day i met you.

bcos hatred's just a pretence to mask d sorrow within.

bcos silly love songs are too hard to sing.

bcos of you.

bcos you're the reason for all the unreasonable things i do.

bcos i love you.

& bcos you loved me.

i thought 16 wldnt be special. i thought i'd forget. i kept reminding myself to forget. only to realise there's no point for it; for anything actually.

i thought it'd be easy. but it isnt. especially when you're looking at me, but you never see me anymore...

=/ i jus wanna get away from it all. this shadow that haunts. this imperfection that can ruin my happy days..

you cant choose who you fall in love with, but you can choose whether or not to give up.

god help me.

2007-06-14T19:50:00.000-07:00

zomg im either crazy or uhh. crazy. i mean, my normal waking time is around 2pm, but tday i found myself wide awake at ten.. and it's pouring outside! which is normally a guarantee for good sleep..

I guess it's becos of my dreams. which are getting wilder and wilder everyday. i dreamt that i was getting assasinated by my boyfren ytd! he was breathing fire at me...!

AHHH. so then i said "senbonsakura kageyoshi!" (bleach, hahaha. though i keep telling meiyun it's a swear word) and he exploded into nothing!! oh no!! he was still cute though he turned evil ymy.

ahh loveloves! yepps been watching naruto/bleach. hehs. sigh. cant help but wish i live in the ninja/shinigami/harry potter world though.. =) it'll be nice if i can really breathe fire at ppl who piss me off instead of going *roar* and have nothing come out. but oh well if i can i'd bet the homework pile in front of me would turn into ashes.

isnt it funny? when i was small all i wanted to do is to grow up. cos i wanna be able to choose wad to eat for dinner, wanna be tall, wanna be able to make choices. as i grow up, i jus wanted more and more freedom. now, i can make choices, and i hate them. hate the responsibility, hate the consequences, hate the possible regrets. of course, i wldnt want to have the power to choose taken away from me, i wanna be able to choose my own future and stuff...

but a part of me just wished i could take it all back. wish i can go back to the time where there're no choices to be made.. where every morning is spent watching cartoon and wondering when is lunch. where nobody will tell me, "eh, zhang bu da arh?" or "you how old already!?"

many people spend their lives seeking freedom, and when they finally get freedom, they realise that they are more bounded then ever. by obligations, by laws, by responsibility.

and when is the time you were most free? it's when you were a child, with many many restrictions. that was when you were most carefree. that's when you were free to make mistakes..

you knw wad? i tink it's true that when people grow up, they get poorer and poorer. not in money, but in other things. a child's imagination, a child's innoncence, once lost, cannot be given back, ever.

i believe there's a child in everyone though. =) jus that some people choose not to show it. why not? there's a part of me that never grew up. i still like to play with my food and blow bubbles in my drinks. i still like to play silly games and sing songs. i still like toys and cartoons and smiley faces.

i hate to be called childish. becos it just sounds wrong, like it's sth i shldnt be anymore. indeed, 16 is pretty old. but i tink i wanna stay this way forever.. im not naive anymore, and im glad, though i learnt it the hard way. but inside of me there's someone who never grows up, just like everybody else.

judge me if you must, but there're people who loves me just the way i am. and tt's enough for me. =)

YAY YAY YAY HANNIE. see the comments section? i rock right. =) *shows twist and winks* hahaha do drop me a line people, it'll be appreciated!

belinda's coming over to my hse!! she expects to come and wake me up at 2pm acty.. yea right. everyone knws eunice wakes up at 8am. okay acty eunice and 8am is an oxymoron. BUT I BET U DNKNW WAD'S OXYMORON RIGHT? HAHAHA. go look dictionary!

2007-06-14T08:07:00.000-07:00

jinghuan: are you sure you want a rabbit? they stink!

me: but they're so cute...! and it's like sth you can tell your grandchildren abt.. like, grandmummy here one owned a rabbit!!

jinghuan: hmm. maybe your children will be like meiyun liddat, den they'll like fishes and not furry things.

me: ... so i should get a boring fish instead?
jinghuan: a lobster will be better! better investment....

hello. is it me, or has it become normalcy to cook your pet nowadays? horror! lol! my mummy who grew up in a farm told me abt how her brothers will each grow a chicken, den when it's time to cook the chickens dey'll have a competition and see which chicken can move the longest with it's head cut off.. AIYO.

dnknw if it's considered naivety, but i really think animals, flies, and plants have souls too. alright maybe soft-toys are a little too far fetched, but i swear squishie looks so sad when i leave it at home.. =( people, must love animals & soft toys kae! i dntink soft toys will want revenge if you treat it badly, but it wouldnt hurt to have a bit more love in the world.. and i've never owned a living ting so i wldnt knw, but i rly wanna knw the feeling of caring for sth.

do you believe in karma? in fate? in life after death? i rmb once i asked cherry wad she wld feel if she knew she gonna die tmr, she says she'll be happy... cos she can finally meet god. and life only starts for her after death.. hmm. i dnknw. i believe there are a reason for all tings unexplained in this world. i believe there is life after death. but i dnknw if i can live waiting for that life. i jus wanna live when im alive. i wanna experience everyting there is to experience in this world.. =)

oh btw, i asked weifu too wad he'll do if he'll die tmr, and he says he'll just screw any girl he finds on the road. LOL. girls, pray hard he nv finds out if he'll die tmr. and me, i better start praying he nv reads my blog. =P

which i knw he wldnt anyway, he says my blog is boring.. screw you. woon only likes reading blogs where people scold eachother. Lol.. hm talking abt blogging. i wish everyone blogs. i wish i can force everyone to blog! hee. i would love to find out how some people think, or how their lives are like. some people blogs are full of photos, putting their lives on display. some are narrative, telling stories of their life. some blog for themselves, saying things u wldnt uds. some follow their thoughts, these are the ones i like best.

i dnknw. reading around, i tend to read most of people's passion... often for their cca. it's become such a big part of their life, once you think of this person you'd link him/her to his/her cca immediately.. a part of me feels amused. a part of me feels appalled. passionate is the word no one will ever associate with me, and i wonder why.

someone once told me angrily, god gave you talent to run, but forgot to give you the heart to pursue. i dn mean to sound boastful, but there were many tings that came easily to me since young. running.. ball games.. music.. i enjoy them all. but i've never bothered to commit myself to anything. what for? i've been in more CCA den anyone i tink. computer club, library club, netball, softball, soccer, brass band, brownies, drama, dance, track. i've taken up ballet, piano, and swimming more times than i can remember.

but i've never been the best in anything.. why? becos im lazy. why shld i train? maybe it's ppl's influence, but i knw it wldnt take me far. so wad if im the best? can being the best in say, track, guarantee me success in future? no. can being better in dance or wadevr buy me a career? no. and the practical part of me asks myself why shld i train when i can be slacking away... cos even if i become a champion, even if i become the best... so? champions will only be replaced by next year's champions.

but i was wrong. i can see clearly now that i am. it doesnt mean nothing, it means everything in the world... becos being a champion? it aint abt being the best. it's abt the blood, toil, tears and everyting you went through, that becomes a part of you, making you a better person. that's why i've never been a champion. I alws chose the easier option.

aim for the moon and even if you fail you'll land in the stars..

i'll alws be far from the best. but i'm determined to alws be the one trying to be the best. it's tiring, of course it is... people alws say it's okay. you've tried your best. to me, that's the worst possible line. i've tried my best and this is it? no... it's never my best.

best. this four little word doesnt mean giving everyting you have. it means reaching and reaching for the sky. the sky's the limit. and even if i dn meet it, i can keep jumping and jumping and growing in the process... making me a better person..

=) cheem rite? yay i rock. talk cock me rock!

no matter wad. TRY. you might fail if you try. but if you dun try, you'll DEFINITELY fail.

to be a champion you need to believe you're the best, even if you arent, pretend you are...

cow: I AM A CHAMPION!

dolphin: eee.. fake one.

LOL.

i hate bleeding days. guys dnknw how lucky they are. i hate complaining abt it. i already anticipated the pains i alws have... yet when they come, no amt of preparation can deal you with it... it's the same every month, but somehow everytime i dn rmb it being so pain. guess you jus cant rmb pain. you rmb you felt pain. but you cant remember the pain the way it was, isnt it?

hannieee.. html's very bad for health indeed. and i just knew u'll sacrifice for me n get it done rite? good. =) loves. next time i come i'll see a comments section.. go hannie go!

2007-06-14T05:19:00.000-07:00

Watching shows really enlighten me a lot. Not say enlighten, but the words they say are really enriching. This world is fair; though there are people who are outwardly perfect, they have a lot of regrets. Understand this yourself. Hahs.

Everyone is the writer of his life, one wrong chapter might just be the end of the life. And whose fault we wonder ? The author's. So right now, I am convinced. Every one is convinced by the cruelty of this world, how much it caused us to waver in our moral values. We lie to cover up our own mistakes, for the benefit of our interests. No one is a sane, but nothing is stopping us to be one. Except your inner soul. How strong is it to withstand the temptations from outside. We will all come to realise that 'holy people' come from very poor places, their characters are moulded since young, the very day they were born. Because they are not exposed to the wealth and greed of this world. So Singapore really isn't a good place. My mum wanted to bring me back to Malaysia, because she feels that we are too lazy, too reliant, too whatever over here. lols, she was the one who wanted us to be Singapore-educated.

Eunice, I really don't want to be a cleaner in future! So I am going to study hard. So must you ! Remember this, dreams are forever dreams if no action is put into it. Anyway, put a tagboard or comments area up yourself. Html makes me giddy !

-瑀涵

2007-06-13T06:48:00.000-07:00

people, at 4.27pm on 13 June 2007, i found the thing i want more than anything i've ever wanted in my life..

it was all cynthia's fault! she made me go into the pet shop.. i dnlike to step into pet shops, they all look so sad caged up liddat.. BUT OHMYGOODNESS. i knew wad i've been missing all my life the min i saw it...

THE CUTEST THING ON EARTH!!! (second only to squishie)

KAWAII BABY BUNNY!

omg omg omg so cute rite?

i've never had a pet in my life, except a neopet. but oh godddd i rly want one.

pretty pls? my bday's coming! =P

only problem? the one i saw was 7 weeks old. and in a month, they become twice the size, and in a year, even more! ughh. i dn rly tink i can handle the 3 feet one.. =x

but there's this species called the netherland dwarf, which wun grow big... it's ex tho 200+.. but worth it right? FOR A LIFE!! =)

cyn tried to persuade me to buy a fish or a hamster instead, but NO. i like bunnies. boing boing bunnies. xD i spent the whole afternoon imagining my bunny going jogging with me everyday... den i realised it'd be a lil funny if i tie a string to my bunny and force it to go running. -.- oh well.

or maybe a kitten? awwwwwwww.

ate pasta, kfc, and drank my iced mocha finally! all studying plans were ruined... I do so love talking to my qinjia though.. today we talked about getting a condo and living tgt one day..! hehs. not les kae. cyn says she has no interest in males or females and plans to live with just her wawa.. (i bet she'll fall in love SOMEDAY though) and me.... recently i've realised how ugly i am. i've never thought that i was pretty.. but i guess im just feeling ugly and fat lately.. =( no one will probably want me. or even if i get married my husband will probably cheat on me. sigh.

nvm. =) me & my qinjia will grow old tgt. Lol. i tink it means sth when a fren is willing to live tgt with you, isnt it! cyn loves me! HAHAHA.. I can so see myself living with cyn though. we'll choose to live on cup noodles; though our parents will most probably freak & take turns to send food over. we'll do without the dining table and get 2 sofas instead. and we'll (MUST) get the best tv and the best mahjong table! we'll go swimming on evenings, sing karaoke every night, watch late night movies and invite yun & woon over everyday for overnight mahjong.. lol.

cyn: life will be so funny. i'll probably drive myself crazy waking you up every morning.

me: =) my rabbit will help you.

cyn: NO RABBIT.

me: ..... even in my old age?

cyn: YES... or if you want you can and maybe you'll see it in the microwave one day!

me: I DN BELIEVE. you where got so cruel..!

cyn: -_- my family almost cooked my terrapin.. if it's a turtle it would have become turtle soup. we bought the wrong one, that one inedible...

me: *stunned*

if i do get to live with cyn, remind me to get a safety deposit box instead of a cage for my rabbit..

=x I. WANT.

p.s. hannie if you can magically swop our colours for all the posts i dnmind! =D and btw, it's a lil retarded to talk to you thru the posts. -.- cant we get a taggy or like, have a comments section or sth? lol. take care darling.. you knw where to find me if you need a ear! i'll sell you one for $5. HAHAHA. that was funny right? LAUGH. COME ON. LAUGH PEOPLE. MUAHAHAHAHA.

2007-06-12T06:37:00.000-07:00

and then i found myself going to the other end of singapore, this ulu camp on diaryfarm road, CHOA CHU KANG (god knws i've never stepped anywhere near there before).. camping. let's see. i've been to about 20+ camps before, and everytime before i go i wonder why i signed up for it. lol. well. im just really not a sleeping-bag person i guess. hahaha. i HATE sleeping bags. who created the idea of humans sleeping in bags anyway. humans sleep on BED.. but oh well. if not for sleeping bags i'd probably sleep on the floor, so i jus quit complaining. but as alws i feel like my bones were breaking the nxt morning.

okay i digressed. where was i? oh yea the camp. it was a Youth Volunteer camp, and the whole objective of the camp is to get ready for the attachment programme helping out at some elderly home. i think i signed up for it in a moment of folly hahaha. but it turned out to be a pleasant surprise. wad really impressed me was that the people there all sort of all signed up from their own free will... so thus, everyone was really enthu & high & really volunteers for things. i also really learnt alot, like how to handle wheelchairs & autistic children.

i love my group. i was comfortable with them, and they were so enthu & nice to niao ahaha. there were the usual camp games, all the water/dirt/teambuilding games. but wad i really liked was that everyone was sporting and we bonded as a group bah. sounds cliche, but it's really not easy to bond with strangers yet they made it easier by being so open and sharing things. =) i'm just sorry i could only go for such a short time.

all in all it was a great experience. there was also the disability lunch, where we were blindfolded and expected to eat lunch, like OMG lah HOWWW DO U EAT A FREAKING CHICKEN WING ha. and the YV song with sign language that i'll nv forget. oh & my cute angel haha.

*we come from different places,
hail from different paths
we wear our different faces,
but we're joined at our hears*

for this how we sing our song
sing it bright & sing it strong
for though we're young we stand up tall
heart to heart we'll nv fall.
=D

then i found myself at guitar concert with the guitar ppl & yun. the music was beautiful, but it made us sleepy. hahaha. even our instructor had tears in his eyes (i'm willing to bet my life it's from yawning more than being touched) and me & yun basically tried to whisper to eachother and try not to get glared at. hahaha. after that we went for supper and we talked all the way. i love how 2hrs of talking to that girl feels like 2 minutes. =)

remember. remember. remember. life goes on.

2007-06-12T05:19:00.001-07:00

recently i cant help but feel dat life is so routined. like running on a hamster wheel, you keep going but you're still in the same place.

thinking abt it, my fifteen and three quarters years of life has been based on nothing but routines. my life is based on the seven days of the weeks.. say, every sunday i'll go to bugis temple, every monday i'll have the same after school activity, bla bla. my every day is based on the hours, waking at 7, school at 8, end school at 1.45, dinner at 7, tv at 10, phone calls, the net and all. i thought holidays would bring an end to my routined life, but i was wrong.

it's still the same, waking up everyday to find that im late. people cursing and swearing at me cos im late. and me cursing and swearing at the public transport while i mentally will them to go faster. LOL. i've been meeting many different people almost every day, having different conversations and doing different things, it's been fun and great catching up with everyone, but that's wad i do every holiday.. and it all feels the same. which in itself, is a holiday routine. -.-

im not making much sense, am i? haha.

I guess i jus wanna do sth exciting and different for a change. like uhh, fall madly in love with a german and elope to germany! or uhh, find out that i have superpowers and can breathe fire! or uhh, join a secret society and live dangerously. alright alright dun -_- me. im jus bored. bored of my protected and trouble-less life.

okay, wad i really wanted to say is that sometimes too much of a good thing can be a bad thing. on sunday i went to play mj with my mj karkees and we were all like OMG SO HAPPY WE'RE FINALLY PLAYING MJ!! yeah, every mj game me and woon are bound to quarrel and glare at each other and argue and fight, which is a routine too.. but becos we hadnt played for such a long time, we all missed it.

and i knw that one day, i'll miss my routines. once school reopens, i'll miss my holiday routines.. having all the time in the world to chat, to shop, to slack everyday. i'll curse and swear at my school routined life. when i start working, i'll miss my school routine and curse and swear at my work routine. LOL.

aint humans funny tings? too much holiday-ness has made me feel sian le. i'm ready to start work now.

AN EXCLUSIVE of my wardrobe.. the other doors are worse. i rock right. ehh it might LOOK messy but it actually isnt! i knw where all my things are okayy.

ridiculously cute hello kitties.. @.@

MY HAPPIEST PURCHASE YET!! necklace stands!

only $12.00 each!! told ya i alws get good buys. AHAHA. i machiam auntie liddat. -.-

i was gonna get a black one so it wun get dirty and all.. but how do you resist this??

yes indeed, pink is my weakness. =)

2007-06-11T22:36:00.000-07:00

Gave in to the temptations to cries, special existence of them.
my prayers are left unanswered, after all.

When it's wrong, but it felt so right...

-瑀涵

2007-06-10T19:36:00.000-07:00

I always feel so relaxed when i am in Malaysia.

Yet back in Singapore, i feel that i have a lot of unsettled matters. Actually i don't have the courage to face the problems here, i have been avoiding them. for the first time yesterday, i wanted to just stay in M'sia and live my life happily ( : i miss everyone there, despite the fact that they always feed me with good food each time i go back, making me gain a kg or two. i really miss them.

i am going to sleep with my phone switched off the next time round. i always have people calling in to wake me up, ji dan.

God, if I pray for courage & wits, would you just grant them to me.
I know you are going to say that all the ordeals I am going through now are moulding me to be a strong and truthful girl.
But Lord, can i just have talents and not hard work ?

My brain is going berserk just thinking !

EUNICE, i don't want to be black lahs. Black means evil, darkness, and everything NOT nice ! Swop colour with me pretty please ? ( :

-瑀涵

2007-06-09T08:32:00.001-07:00

I am so furstrated with my long hair.

i've always wanted hair till my elbow. =) it'll be straight and long and nice and i can play with it whatever way i want.

but. it's driving me crazy. it really is. it's hot, it's humid, it's crazy. it's heavy and irritating and some days i jus wanna yank it out of my head totally. LOL.

yeah you get the point right? it's still a good 15cm away from my elbow.. and i jus dnwanna go for a trim. it doesnt make any difference. my hair is already very layered and very "light" supposedly. it'll just be a lil shorter and nothing else.

i want to cut it short. short, as in, boys short.

*screams and faints*

but i think i'll cry like shite. hahaha. im quite determined though, but apparently the shock and horror on woon's face when i told him still lingers in my heart. he IS half a boy after all.. T.T

2007-06-09T08:03:00.001-07:00

ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and even the few flies or animals that might be staring at the screen.. it is my honour to announce that...

MY BLOG TURNS 100 TODAY!!!!!

=) =) okayy fine that was a lie. it's more of our blog, and acty this is already the 101th post cos dear hannie din even realise that she exceeded the 100th post which i was so looking forward to.. boo.

i mean, it's like a bday isnt it.. my bloggie's bday! oooh. let's all clap and sing happy blogday.

*sings in a nice, cute, sexy, campus-superstar-winning voice.* happy blogday to HAPPY. happy blogday to JIU. happy blogday to HAO. happy blogday to DOTCOM!!!!

=D alright before i ruin my image of a totally smart woman, like totally.. i should blog sth cheem and cool like hannie alws does.. uhh.

*scratch head* .. ...

forget it.

after all this is my blog right? and my create post space. =) so i shall type on and on and on and no one can stop me. except maybe everyone will click the X at the right hand corner if i continue blabbering on, yes... oh no. *stressed*

ahaha. alright. met yun on friday at, are-you-ready-for-this, BUGIS! like, again! whee. bugis my second home. -.- yes im going there again tmr morning.. near mah.. lazy travel.

i dnknw why everytime i go out with that girl i alws end up going home with ZERO cents.. we got hungry so we went into this cafe and we wanted to order.. only to realise.. we got not enough money!! *gasp gasp* if liddat walk out very throw face right, so we die die call ppl.. to come and lend us fifty cents. oh dear. my dear fren thought we were so poor and treated us to eat instead. hehs! and to think i brought $30 out and thought it was more than enough.. haiis.

then we walked around and bumped into cherry and josephine!! aHHHH!! so long nv see jo! so we went back to the same cafe to eat. lol.. love those girls, love those times. i suddenly realise i jus saw them ytd, it feels like a long time ago.

caught shrek today, i loved it!! MUS WATCH. damn cute!

know how it feels when someone knows you better than you know yourself? it feels.. scary.

5 things i never realised abt myself.

1) whenever i talk to someone in english, once the person replies me in chinese, i'll immediately switch to chinese without realising it. vice versa both languages.
2) i dun buy clothes that needs to be ironed. HAHA.
3) i own more than 10 pairs of sports shoes (12) but only 1 pair of slippers that i alws wear, and refuse to replace.
4) i have a habit of looking at my watch whether it's there or not.
5) no matter how much i like sth, i wun buy it unless it's a good buy. or unless it's retarded & pink & fluffy. (this one not very true!) -_-

*no eunice no!! impulsive buy alert!~ *

2007-06-08T11:22:00.000-07:00

It feels good to be occupied. Now I know why people on the verge of breaking down would bury in their work, it gives them no time to think of other stuffs. Indeed, my mind is so focused in doing my work that I really don’t want to think of unhappy events. Not that there is any major events, but I have been feeling so down and sensitive towards everything, it upsets me a lot. I think is psychological change, caused by the number one hated moment-squish.

Anyway, this is going to be a tired day I guess. I am stuffing a lot of food into my mouth for energy later on. I will have to give lings a call at 5, watch my favourite show at 6. Sleep at 7, wake up at 0930, leave for school at 1030, then finally, reach lavender at 1230 to meet my uncle, and off to Malaysia I go. Hehs, I will get to sleep in his car then! Happy day, fun filled day! I like!]

-瑀涵

2007-06-08T05:50:00.000-07:00

I suddenly thought of my birthday (Hey, it’s coming alright!). And now I am a little afraid, because at that time O’s isn’t over yet. I am really stressing myself a little too much over that dumb O’s. I didn’t do well, despite putting in a lot of effort for this MYE. I am thinking perhaps my results will be the same for O’s. Have been having sleepless nights, just thinking about my future.

Then again, if I have the time thinking about something I cannot change, why shouldn’t I spend my time studying? At least doing the same revision over and over again. I am tired, really tired of doing the same thing over and over again.

I always say I want to be a top-notch banker. But girl, do you think life is easy? I wish that I were the one living in a big house with people serving me; I don’t care if I am living off my parents’ efforts. I want an easy life, who doesn’t? Furthermore, I am a girl, I want to be pampered, and I want to be doted on.

Like oh haha. Life’s really a big joke.

I really don’t like to be the one waiting, to feel like I am so redundant. There will be times when I feel ignored and neglected, there are also moments where I want to be alone. But of all, I wish that you were the one being by my side and taking care of me. It’s now the time for me to be less dependent on you, and hit my books like how I would in the past. I can feel the gap widening each day, but I am afraid a word from me would further widen the gap.

What am I thinking? I am too sensitive a girl. But it’s true you’ve changed after all.

Being selective of the reality I accept is a scary thing.

-瑀涵

2007-06-06T08:41:00.000-07:00

It has been a dream, so realistic. It seemed so real. When a feeling so true enclosed my naivety, reality burst the protective bubble. Only recently, reality called me back.

How long had I rejected reality, and it struck hard, ejecting me straight into trains of thoughts. I still cannot decipher them yet, so there isn’t going to be much of content here. When I can fathom the underlying meaning.

Sometimes in the night, I will reminisce. I will think not of my happy moments, but of the people I missed, the laughter I sacrificed in exchange for a love. I thought of those whom I met and will never encounter again, I thought of those I disappointed, I thought of those whom I treasured yet treated me like thrash. Because I really miss them, and then again, I know that nothing lasts. People come and go, they leave footprints in your heart, or perhaps you have forgotten them.

All they leave is but moments yet to be erased, and they vanish into thin air. Simple.

Then again, who isn’t troubled by affairs?

When everyone is seeking happiness, I thought that I am over that boundary.

-------

cartel yesterday was bliss. Hahs. Weehoe was working yesterday so i insisted that he served me, and he bcame the joke among the staffs there. Anyway,the working environment is fun, lik ethe tampines branch ! i like. then again, the manager asked if i am interested in working, thought he was joking with me, but he asked ling to ask me again ! so honoured ( ; but i do know my focus and all. But if he's still going to hire me even if i am not going to work much, then no harm is done. everyone knows yeehan needs extra extra pocket money ! hahs.

Finally a serious photo, but sorry lings, you are cut from it ! i cannot handle my phone well >. <>

2007-06-06T08:31:00.001-07:00

Th e B es t Mo me nt s I n L if e

1. Falling in love.
2. Laughing till your stomach hurts.
3. Enjoying a ride down the ocuntry side.
4. Listening to your favorite song on the radio.
5. Going to sleep listening to the rain pouring outside.
6. Getting out of the shower and wrapping yourself with a warm, fuzzy towel.
7. Passing your final exams with good grades.
8. Being part of an interesting conversation.
9. Finding some money in some old pants.
10. Laughing at yourself.
11. Sharing a wonderful dinner with all your friends.
12. Laughing without a reason.
13. "Accidentally" hearing someone say somthing good about you.
14. Watching the sunset.
15. Listening to a song that reminds you of an important person in your life.
16. Receiving or giving your first kiss.
17. Feeling this movement in your body when seeing this "special" someone.
18. Having a great time with your friends.
19. Seeing the one you love happy.
20. Wearing the shirt of a person you love and smelling his/her perfume.
21. Visiting an old friend of yours and remembering great memories.
22. Hearing some telling you "I LOVE YOU"

i love you.

-eu <3

2007-06-06T06:47:00.000-07:00

today, i was wondering about predictability.

last night kai called me at 4am. he told me he and hannie had been talking on the phone from 1-3, and they predicted all the things i would say in a coversation.. and darn, they got it. from the way i answer the phone to the way i alws get niao-ed back in the end... tsk! haha.

but i was thinking, that's wad counts bah. as time passes, you'll get to know your fren so well, you'll be able to finish their sentences, or even pick up the way they say things! haha. i think it nice that people can actually predict wad you're going to say. =D

like when i asked wenyi if she liked the camp tee, i knew she'll say "not bad." haha! when i ask meiyun if wanna go shopping, i knew she'll say "bu cuo ar!" when i make fun of cynthia's wawa, i knew she'll puff out her cheeks. when i ask woon if he can lend me maths assignment, i already knew he'll say "qu si la!" -_-

HAHA. the thing is, even the most unpredictable person (like woon) becomes predictable when you know him/her well.

hmm ytd i went shopping with sis and mummy! we told mummy that bugis is dangerous and she should stay at home but she insisted on coming. LOL. love my mummy.. i knw it was nice of mummy to take a job that doesnt work on holidays so she can cook meals, but im sick and tired of being waken up by the vacumm. ugh. anyway, im totally loving the fact that sis is working and earning many.. my meals and buys are all free. HEE. yes i have no shame.

then i met wen and we went orchard.. god, why does all my female frens take sooo long to choose presents? AND they ALWAYS don't wear comfortable shoes. =( and I alws wear comfortable and ugly shoes which end up being swopped for the beautiful shoes. haha. see, i can save $ and wear nice shoes.

sure was a memorable sight though, seeing wen barefooted kicking her heels around in rip curl... lol. AHHHH Great Singapore Sales!! it's a festival for aunties like me alws looking for the best offers. =)

hehs. last night on msn jing told me abt 5-day training for her nationals air rifle comps. so i told her im busy with my GSS.. she din knw wad it is so i told her it's a nation-wide event and it is very competitive indeed.. =D

but yeah.. seeing the poor girl so stressed up, and woon who called this morning and told me how he did 10 chapters of 10 yrs series.. it made me realised i've totally lost the momentum to study..

dere's alws tomorrow! but im running out of tomorrows.. there's a huge homework pile and exams to study for, eunicelim.

so tday i went to my fren's hse to attempt to finish my chinese zuo wen.. oh god. the topic i chose was desire. he read it and burst out laughing. i hate him. =x lol. but he supposedly managed to put it right so i forgive him. supposedly desire in chinese is "yu wang" and not "yuan wang" like i wrote.

boy got ditched by his girl this morning. i expected to play the comforting role, but i was wrong. he's only relieved.. it made me realised that when guys knw d relationship is going wrong, he will just let go and move on. while the girls will desperately cling on, causing more hurt to herself in the end..

im turning into a feminist. it just aint fair.

life is hard. (yea a predictable line. =D)

2007-06-05T22:11:00.000-07:00

Because what goes about comes round.

I know it sounds wrong, it means evil begets retribution. ehs no, I'm digressing !

alrights, i also don't know why did i start that for. I merely thought that life's a joke, when your efforts are not paid off.

i really have no idea, why am i always so affected by the changes. Let's not talk about those around us. Each day you wake up you are a different being, and it's so difficult to believe that it's you. Perhaps no one felt the change, because they are so caught up with this society, they have no time to stop, and remember how they were. Actually, all of us are like slaves to the world. This world changes us, and not the other way round.

Then again, change is the only constant in this world.

-

Don't understand why, i like the tension on court again, it's joy. Bliss.

> yuhan

2007-06-03T00:32:00.000-07:00

i didnt sleep at all the whole of last night.

and im not even tired at all! -.- i feel like my body has betrayed me actually. like, i didnt take any caffeine.. din take drugs. so why aint i tired? came home after i went bugis this morning cos i thought i'd be tired. but im still wide awake now.. o.O

went to read many archives, whatever i could get my hands on.. it made me feel all funny inside. if you blog you should read back your own words.. sometimes you'll be surprised. those words of your own doesnt even feel like you anymore. ..

all my life i've been struggling with the fact that people can change. i wished people wouldnt. i wished everything was forever. i wished i wasnt so naive. haha.

ytd night me and my sista went to raid orchard! like wad we alws say, we aint vain, we just love to dress up. which girl doesnt? =P trick when you're shopping with your sister? dont bring a single cent. and return home with many tings! hahaha.

it's her big 21st come this july. oh god oh god i need to think of a superb gift. im so excited for her party! it's gonna be a RETRO themed party. =D i thought of it. i told ya i love dressing up. =) AND it gives every girl a chance to buy retro dresses. hehehs.

OH YES and meanwhile i thought of my own 21st bday party.. it shall be PINK-themed! like duh. everyone will have to wear pink! if not you wun get to eat.. oh and there'll be pink helium balloons in the air and a pink floating squishie. COOL right. i bet you cant wait already. if u're reading this u're invited of course. im inviting the whole world.. though it's a lil hard to imagine the president in pink. (yes he's coming he's my new best fren.)

hmm and i ate @ pastamania for the 5th time this week. im such a pastamaniac. =D all my frens are getting influenced too..! duh, pasta is an addiction. im a happy pasta-eating girl.

alright blogging has not made me any sleepier. i shall go jio ppl go IT fair with me @ suntec. im gonna buy uhhh. refreshments there. it's abt all i can afford.

and the real reason why i started this post..... PRESENTING.. BUBBLY.

kawaiiiiiiiiiiiii nehhhs! =D it's a him by the way. it really did make me laugh and cheered me up, you spastic kukuhead.

2007-06-02T07:31:00.001-07:00

ever encountered a situation where you dont know how you feel? dont know wad you should feel, dont know if you should feel anything at all.. where all those feelings and implications are so complicated that you just don't want to care, don't want to talk about it, don't want to even think about it?

all i know is that i missed us.

very very much.

but apparently, im the only one.

i need my phone to ring, now.

=P yeah i knw im dominating the blogposts. too bad for those here to view yeehan's words of wisdom. she's happily away on honey-moon and i guess the internet connection aint very good on the moon, she's been missing online since forever. meanwhile, you get to hear abt my messedup life!! yay! =D

and oh yes, i hate emo posts too. =(

2007-05-30T22:39:00.000-07:00

明明是好天气却感到下雨的气质。。
全世界只有我在淋雨。。
不是下雨天才会想起。。
其实。。
从来不需要想起。。永远也不会忘记。。

从来没有用华文来blog过，嘿嘿。感觉好不一样哦。其实我所有的思想都是用华文来想的，只是华文好难type哦！-_-

今天是韦塞节！现在有好多人在我家 =）可是我好想出门。约了好友。

咳。用华语type到我很pekchek，而且不知道为什么like怪怪的。

刚刚公公告诉我。。 “坏人可以变好人，但别忘了。。好人也可以变坏人。。”
我想。。老人家的话都应该很对吧。。

真的，这世界有很多会消失的美丽。。

但你是你。so i believe.

(HAHA this post sounds so singlish hor. was on d phone when watching ms. universe den my fren was like saying if ms. Singapore answers the final question also need to translate.. into Singlish! the judge will go, "congratulations you'll all lucky and beautiful woman. the question is.." and the translator will go.. "eh, he say conglats arh. you all damn heng and bery the pretty leh. he wan to ask you hor...") LOL.

2007-05-30T06:38:00.000-07:00

close your eyes.. and enter the world of dreams.

sleep. an escape? an instinct? a survivor skill..? or a luxury...? i guess it's different for everyone, at different times..

i've been looking forward to the holidays. long days, with nothing to do and nothing to think about.. i've been deprived of waking up naturally for too long.. to slowly drift to consciousness and not be forced out of my dreams by blaring sounds and a guilty heart.. i guess that's a luxury too.

i love waking up at 2pm. HAHA. but then again, i cant help but look back on the day and think, oh how wasted. 1/3 of our lives goes to sleeping.. if human beings do not need to sleep, we can accomplish so much more isnt it? if only our bodies did not need the rest... but then again, we'd miss out on so much more. like waking up feeling refreshed and energized.

okay i'll get to the point... wad i really wanted to talk abt today was dreams.. me.. im a science person. i like how everything in this world is made up of atoms and molecules and how everything has a reason behind. lightnings, rainbows, rain, we can explain it all... so.. what abt dreams?

i dont believe our souls fly out of the body of things like that. i think dreams are just images that your mind shows you when your body is resting... i've alws believed that. when i was small, i dreamt abt flying all the time.. very me, given my addiction to speed. but recently.. all i've been dreaming about are things around me.. and they're so real.. so many possible scenarios. so much so that i get confused. i hate it. i wish i had the power to control it all. imagine if i can invent a pill to let ppl dream wadever they want. haha!

but thinking about it, that's the problem. man wants to control everything.. heard of designer babies? if it's a success, soon everyone in the future will be perfect. everyone will be tall, smart, beautiful.. perfect. perfect ROBOTS. we'll all be the same, artificial. yeah yeah there's all these talks abt controlling it, how to make sure this technology is only used for people who really NEEDS it. but they dont realise.. technology is forever. how do we ensure that ten yrs later the people wun misuse it? will science be the downfall of men?

men of science have often mocked at men of religion. indeed, religion is based on nothing but faith. one of my favourite words, it means to believe without seeing.. exactly the opposite of the principles of science.

yet in life.. so many things can be explained, but not understood.. i can learn all there is to learn about the human body.. i can even try to recreate a body myself. but how do i understand why it's made in the first place? how do i accept that i can stop or postponed death, but i'll never know what comes after it? science tells you all about power, but it does not tell you how to control it. how to control yourself.

come tomorrow, it'll be vesak day. =) a special day to me. you should see my house now.. full of decorative colours, fruits and flowers. tomorrow, i'll offer my sincere prayers, wishes and repentance. i do not know if they'll come true. i do not know if it helps, all i know is that i want it.

mentally, emotionally, physically.. we often miss out the last, let us all be spiritually happy.

there're many things i do not understand, even as im typing away i do not know wad is it i really wanna say.. all i know is that to me.. i do not believe that religion is abt someone up there who loves and guides you, or that it is about paying for your sins and enjoying your merits, i just think that religion is about you. what you think. what you believe. i've seen with my own eyes what wonders faith can do to a person..

everyone needs a guardian angel sometimes. someone to believe in.

but who will guard the guardian angels?

how do you believe without seeing? how do i know if these dreams mean anything?

i think im turning into an atheist. lol.

nonsensical post. gah.

2007-05-29T10:05:00.000-07:00

THE HOLIDAYS ARE HERE!!!

happy holidays everyone!

started off with a road trip to malaysia with my beloved family. oh boy it was totally crazy.. my family are loads of fun!

me and my sis had compiled our favourite songs into cds, and the journey there mainly consists of us singing at the top of our voice.. without knowing half the lyrics. it basically sounds like this.. "I wonder if you know! LA LA LA LA TOKEEYOO. IF you LA LA and you LA LA than you know you'll have to go!!" LOL.

arrived. excellent weather. =)

i must have been to genting more than 10 times, but i never get bored of looking at the nice clouds, for once, they're below. like wow

mummy says we're among the fairies. must take picture! oh wow -,-

checked into hotel and daddy was so disappointed with the view in the hotel room.. so darn funny can, he chose this deluxe view room which is more ex with the naive hope that he can get a good view.. than in the end we were given a bigger room facing a wall. HAHAHA.. mummy claims even if the curtains look nicer than the view.. =D

the most impt thing is the kit-kat. like, duh

later we went to watch spiderman3.. kinda stupid cos me and sis had already seen it. but my dad wanted to watch it, which is like... okayy.. how do you refuse your daddy when he's so excited abt watching a superhero film? i still enjoyed it the second time though..

spidy: "i dont know what to do now.."

granny: "you start with the hardest.. you forgive yourself.."

=x ineed. ~~maybe it aint you i hadnt forgiven. maybe it's myself.~~

den we went to sing karaoke! haha. so fun.. sister is the mandarin pop star, mummy sings hokkien songs, and daddy.. HAHAHA daddy only sings one song. country road... it's so darn hilarious hearing your father sing, i swear. at least now i know where i got my "superb" singing genes from.. and my family cooperated with me by pretending i was a rock star! oh yes, and it is very very VERY sweet hearing your parents sing duet love songs that they've liked since their teenage years. i must do that someday. =)

love love. kawaii background wor.

night ended with us sitting outside starbucks having a drink.. daddy and mummy were telling us abt their problems at work. i never get bored hearing about that. i tell daddy mummy my troubles too. sometimes teenagers alws feel that parents wun understand.. yes, i do agree parents jump to conclusions and are too quick to judge sometimes. but give it a try don't you.. a few years ago i did. and look, now we have a healthy relationsip where i can tell them anything, and they'll tell me too. afterall, parents are the ones that cares the most don't they? let them know who you are, and you'll soon know who they truly are too. =) what's a family without dreams, troubles, and life shared? all these talks are precious memories to me.. through them i learn alot alot.. and i do so hope that we'll alws be like this.

i also love the talks we're having about the future. this is what life is about bah, having something to look forward to. friends who know me will know that i've been talking abt moving since like, forever. but i've never ever gotten close to it. cos my family wanted nothing but the best. so we took so darn long choosing a place. and now, we're having so many talks abt how we wanna decorate it, wad our furniture, lighting, everything is going to be like.. the house is gonna look great, i just know it. becos it's OUR home. and each and every one of us is going to have our space, our contribution. yes, including squishie. duh. daddy promised to build a squishie stand in my room! yippeee.

oh yes, it feels good to fall asleep in your mummy's arms. x)

second day arrived with me and sis waking up too late to eat the hotel breakfast. =( boo. wanted to go to the theme park, but we were all feeling a little unwell that day, so we decided to save the money and go shopping!

shopped, and we even went to eat lunch at k-box there again. haha. we also went bowling! wow. i would never have guessed that my parents were bowling champions in their days.. me. i cant even pick up size 10 balls. =( but i amazed my daddy anyway. he claimed he has never seen anyone who can play one whole game and the maximum pin hit was 1. like, wow. i remembered i was quite good at bowling when i played like, last year leh. dnknw wad happened.

wah but got seh hor. see my new cap.

went to mushroom farm to eat dinner at the restaurant there. daddy's fren. oh yum yum...

at night we went to club cloud9. whoo-hoo.

such pretty lights

after that.. we watched pirates of the carribean 3 at like, 1 am - 4am.. it was really really good. =) i love jack sparrow!!!!! AHH.

and at 4am in the morning.. would you believe it.. my crazy family went to eat supper. haha

the last two days, we went off to KL to shop!! omg omg omg shopping was absolutely 100% super duper wad i-have-been-waiting-for... =) i bought a bag from roxy, a billabong thick sweater, many many new clothes, and two new pairs of sports shoes. one adidas one nike. =D

like wad i told daddy, i am a VERY HAPPY GIRL... i asked daddy if he's a happy boy.. and he replied that he's a very very sad man. hahaha.

daddy din understand why i would need two pairs of shoes. "you only have one pair of legs!" he exclaimed. but oh well. mummy said "hubby, a girl can never have enough shoes." "or bags" i added. "or clothes" my sister added. hahaha

i should have taken down the expression on my daddy's face then. i think if i send it to america's funniest video it might win a prize.

and now.. time for the spastic shots..

SPOT THE SIMILIARITY. ROFL.

im a little teapot. short and stout.

my parents think there's a huge similiarity.. no!!

i'd rather try for the mushroom. =)

hahaha mummy claims there's a similiarity. both are red. and.. big.

and so daddy claims he looks like the ingot. oh boy. wad a family.

hard to tell which daughter looks worse in this photo hor. HAHA.

=) yepps. i really enjoyed myself. it was the break we've all been waiting for.

but of course, i looked forward to getting back too. met cynthia at parkway on monday.. caught up with everything. i still find it unbelievable how easy it is to tell her everything.. im meeting her every 1 3 5 ! so quick quick ask me out on 2 4s! haha. we're getting diff pros to mug with us everyday so we dun gossip too much.. =P

thankyou so much qinjia... and meiyun san too for ur encouraging words.. it really means alot to me. yun acty said she'll give up sth if it meant i could have it. oh wow. i love you so much girl. not that i'll ever tell you. you'll have to come read yourself. and i knw lazy you will never read till here.. lol. i wish i could say the same, but really.. i just want us both to have it. really really. AHH. if only fate lies in my hands. now we'll just have to leave it to heavens. =)

"you gave me faith cos you believed.." one of my favourite lines from Celine dion because you loved me. someone once believed in me. and i believed in him. but it wasnt enough, cos i never believed in myself. now, i do. but. occasionally, i miss the feeling of having someone believe in you. belief. it's a powerful thing. daddy told me to believe in fate. to believe that whatever happens, happens for a reason.

yea. maybe. but it doesnt mean that i should just stand back and watch fate make fool of us. i just wanna do wad i can.

doesnt make sense? im sorry. haha.

anyway, i planned to go kite-flying today! but instead, i was awoken by a jumping up and down mummy who's excited abt the food fair.. o.o so i went food fair with her. it was good. =)

been sleeping at 3 and waking at 2 every day. tsktsk. how to break the habit.. sigh. im blogging at 3am. wow.

doubles. me & eunice.
and i dnknw why she doesnt seem familiar at all.

2007-05-24T03:34:00.001-07:00

Am happy, then finally worrying..

Shan't tell you why yet ..

- yuhan

2007-05-22T04:30:00.000-07:00

life's like a ferris wheel. the only thing that'll get you through when you're at the bottom is knowing that you'll soon be at the top again.

=x i lost something very very important to me on the way home, and within seconds, the extremely good mood i was in just.. evaporated..

tuesdays are alws nice cos there's PE, my favourite subject! LOL.. tried tennis today.. not bad wor! quite fun. den went to watch spidey3 with the shujun, jolene, meiyun & chunying.. ahh i like it so much! it was one that swings from action to thrill to sadness to sweetness and everyting. a movie that had us screaming, grabbing hands, laughing, and duh-with-jolene-around, crying. and duh-with-meiyun-around, debating who is cuter. got kinda hysterical & crazy after the movie.. lol.

i think it's great. im not one for action-film, but i do so like to see him flying around. HAHA.. i wonder who cleans up the webs after him though.. LOL.

was still thinking abt the movie when i found out i lost it. =( sth very very important to me. alright if i tell you what it is you'll probably laugh your head off, but it IS very important to me. so much so i wanna tell the whole world. im sure everyone has something that he/she cant afford to lose...

okay, i knw im someone who loses things easily. money, wallets, phones, keys, cards somehow just always walk away from me. i lost my mp3 during level camp. but somehow it din really hit me hard. not becos im rich, im not! it's just.. sth i could afford to lose. the thing i lost today? i couldnt afford to lose it. no amt of money could ever buy it back.. and it hurts just to think abt it. =(

AHHH...! it makes me wish i have nothing more i cant afford to lose..! knw you're probably thinking why dun i just leave these very important things home right, but hor. home is the most dangerous place for me. things vanish around the house and never turns back... i dnknw why.

okay, im not making sense. but i jus wanna rant on and on. WHY ME? WHY ALWS ME. seldom has a week pass without me losing anyting! and it's not like i dun try, I DO. rah!

but at the end of the day, it's the same old thing. there's nth you can do abt it. face it, it's gone. it wun come back.

i dun even knw im crying becos im upset at myself for losing it or becos im upset at myself for still letting it matter.

that aside, i suppose i should talk abt the big night that we've all been waiting for for so long. may19.

all those hours. all those talks. all those practices. im glad to say it paid off. every single move you see that night has been debated and discussed. done over and over again. i darent say it was perfect, but it was one of our better ones, wasnt it? =)

DANCEBEATS AND SOULCLAPS..

we've come so far, indeed. all the furstration, all the stress, all those tears. we all wanted to do well. i can feel it. i surprised myself too.. it was our all. and yea, i tink we did it. i hope we made everyone who played a part proud, esp people like meichien n vanessa...

that day was a blur.. a mad rush. make up. hair. costume. hats. formation. moves. lines. preparation. dinner. goodluck notes. smses. flowers. and suddenly, it was time. we were on stage. i was so nervous.. we all were. but our bodies knw wad to do. it couldnt fail.. x) all too soon, the dance was over, the applause sounded. funny, i hadnt looked at any other member during the dance, but i knw it was good.. vanessa said she could feel our spirit, pherhaps this is wad she meant by, many in body, one in mind. =) it was good.

hmm. pherhaps this year's theme sums it all up... dreams and nightmares. it feels like a nightmare at many points, but in the end, it just seemed like a dream that came true, but remembered as a dream.

din take many photos that night cos as usual i look like someone punched me in the eye with my amateur make up skills. haiis. but so many many thanks to all the people who came down to support, especially ling, kai, sis n the 4B ppl!! (it's okay hannie. im so sorry to hear wad happened..)

i swear i've got the sweetest parents on earth. not only did they insist on coming to my concert, making sure i've got breakfast, look wad they got me.. a sunflower with a note that says "you're our sun" (LOL), and my very own first make-up kit.

AND i've got the "cutest" friends on earth.

shocked me to death with the GREEN broccoli. O.O!! luckily there were carnations to make up for it or i swear i'll like, chomp off the veg on the spot. eeeyer ugly green. i cant believe my mum cooked it.

thank you, all. =) yes i received tomatoes too. if you can spot it. haiis.

yay floorshockers. this aint one of our better photos, all our minds were on practice.

i like wad decorates the TV now. =) well. which girl doesnt love roses? xD

oh yea. put on my lower braces. it hurts like siao. more than i remembered it. funny how sometimes you jus cant remember pain huh.

IM GOING MALAYSIA TMR NIGHT. SHH. =P

I CANT WAIT. it's gonna be so crazy and so much fun.. my family feels more like my best frens.. =)

2007-05-18T09:23:00.000-07:00

second day. dance practice. soccer interclass. full dress rehearsal.

all at the same time.

one word sums it up : screwed.

im sorry people. i tried.

4B rocked today. im so proud of you all. it wasnt an ultimate victory, but we gave our best shot. all the best for the 3rd 4th placings!

it's tmr. let's rock the stage, floorshock.

2007-05-15T12:56:00.000-07:00

im totally crazy, as in, really. time now is 3.56am.. i've had one of the longest day ever. and im abt to have another one tmr. okay, today. im supposed to wake up at 6 later.. and im still blogging away. i can forget abt sleeping tonight.

something's bothering me. so much so that no matter how i toss and turn in bed, i just cant enter dreamland. i wonder how humans sleep. hahah yeah right you'll see me sleeping in class tmr. i've never had insomia before. so why now?

i love my sister. talked to her till now, before she fell asleep in the middle of a sentence.. it alws feels good to talk to someone older. i often forget that she is. hello, this is the woman who jumps whenever she's happy. haha. like sister like sister! =) im much calmer than i was this afternoon, but it feels like it'll never be OK again.

but it will be, everyting alws is. and i dnwanna talk abt it, please dun ask me.

so yeah. now, at 4.00 am in the morning, i shall blog abt level camp. Lol. was waiting for photos from others, but it'll come another time.

hmm. this camp 7-11 may, feels more like a tour than a camp. sure, it's in some ulu place, but the facilities were not bad wor. add frens and fun to the equation and it balances up to produce a smiley face. haha.

everyone seems to be going on and on abt how much fun they've had, how much they love their classes, spamming photos, blabla. yea! i had fun too, i love 4b much much, and i took abt a million photos. but somehow i dun see why you'd be interested in knowing abt how we almost melted in the sun visiting orang alis. i dun wanna bore with details of how we'd each take heapfuls of one dish and have crazy meals tgt as a table. i shall not amaze you with how javier alws manages to make a whole fish disappear, or how jolene eats sweets + wrappers. i will not tell you abt the crazy episodes of meiyun, cynthia, and i in the shopping mall. i wun elaborate on how i manage to emerge trumphiant in bridge. i wun tell you abt how i did batik painting, coconut leaf weaving, flew a kite that's higher than the clouds, had a chance to look at another traditional lifestyle. i shant tell you abt going to the beach late at night to watch turtle lay eggs and i cant even see my own feet in the dark.

and as kath said, we're living for the nights.. =D but i still wun tell you abt those nights that're the highlights.. pillow fights, girltalks, beach walks and all.

and in saying nothing, i've just said everyting. COOL RIGHT. haha, not! =/

=P i'll just say that i've learnt alot this camp.. really. i hate it when nothing goes my way. why me? i'd ask. but heys, it has to be someone. so why not me? everytime im angry, i cant control it. i'll say whatever i like, i'll do whatever i feel like doing. i've been like that all my life. but it's wrong. it's childish. and to ppl who know, im sorry. and i'll try to change. *sings* and be a better man.

alright if i were to sum up this camp i'll say, "crazy, fun but expected." it could be better i supposed, but in many ways camp brings back many =) memories.

Class 4B'07.. we rule.

yea 4B love ms low. or mSLOW as it says on our jerseys. =P

=) guess which am i? kay a lil duh.

tallest is the shortest, shortest is the tallest..! haha.

im too lazy to crop. anw, woon called this, "second pig house". cos the first one we visited made of straw, this is made of wood. thank god we're staying in the brick hotel and no wolf can blow it down!

outside central market.

me, nana, chunying. ready for dinner!

later they came over, and due to the many many cameras we were late and had to run after the bus... o.O

my fellow-mahjong craziness. while others drew smiley faces we tried to draw 160 tiles of mahjong.

my batik piece. pretty? so sad lor no white = no pink.

and the breath-taking scenery from 2 hotels..

overall, i am...

=)
i love moaning about flies and *** with woon.
i love making up crappy lyrics with yun.
i love CAM WHORING with jo.
i love wobbling to and fro with kath. (i can imagine her hysterical laughter)
i love eating cup noodles everynight with chunying.
i love that talk with jing.
i love how cynthia lent me her mp3 when i lost mine.
i love all kinds of stupid games we'd play.
i love 4B. i love us, just us, just fun.

to be honest, 4B aint exactly united in everyday-life. we all knw we're heading for different directions come next year. and maybe, some of us already has that special place in our hearts taken up and aint ready to let anyone in. but yet, there's a bond btw us, a class spirit that rises up when pumped. someone said, 4B cheers alws pawned the other classes. i doubt it's true, but when we cheer as a class i knw every single one of us cheers the loudest we can. don't ask me how, i just know it. cos it's 4B afterall, and no matter how one or two might just not get along, we all love 4B.

we're all classmates now. but im greedy. i want more than just my own goodfriends. i want us all as friends. good friends, even. don't wait till it's too late again, alright? =) lovelove.

i knw 4B put up a poor performance. we were too lost in our books and werent ready before the camp, unlike other classes.. but we tried. we really did. and that's wad matters. i really salute our dearest chairperson shujun. every night, on the bus journeys, or wadevr, when we're all playing cards, all we see is her copying the lyrics again and again and again. wow. we belong to the slacker community, yet you've really shown us all wad a great chairperson you are! and to javier though he'll never ever read this, i think he rocks. you ARE good in beatboxing kay, just nerves only. we all knw you could do it. dun tink you malu yourself lah, cos no one thinks badly of you, really.

coming back from malaysia, i realise there were people who really didnt want to leave malaysia.. becos it's back to all the work and all the stress. sec4 year. sigh. i had fun too, but i cant wait to get home. i dnknw. there, we dicussed abt their regressive lifestyle, how we shld help them improve with technology, etc. but here, all we want to do is to slow down our pace. look, i've been back 4 days, and everyday i've been out in the morning where it's dark and back when it's dark. it's busy busy busy.

but i like it. it's the only way i knw how to live. it's my life. i just cannot lead those kind of simple, unfulfilling life. im someone who multi-task every minute of the day. and this is home, truly. mummy, daddy and sister made a welcome home banner for me. =D oh well, you'll only find that in my family.

felt so guilty. i was so busy having fun, i forgot all abt calling home. and my mummy waited every night for my call. i will never forget abt home again. home. this single word makes up almost all.

=) home sweet home.

NOT. it's back to work again! even my dog has to study.. if not how to compete with other dogs?! hahahaha.

i'll see you on the 19th i hope.

2007-05-15T03:35:00.000-07:00

hey you.. looked into the mirror lately?
why, you might surprise yourself.

=/ we're all not who we used to be anymore.

don't you just hate it when you wake up feeling good, having great plans ahead for the day.. then suddenly.. something earth-shattering happened, and everyting was ruined?

it makes me sick that im so vulnerable.

you, oh you.. all the vulgarities in the world cannot describe the anger i feel now. yet i noe it'll subside into sadness again, soon. it alws does.

and no, it's not what you think it is..

hannie, suddenly feel the urge to talk to you. yepps, you're just a phone call away, but sometimes even that seems too far away.

2007-05-12T03:27:00.000-07:00

Because people change and leave at the most unexpected moments. Because it is when you needed someone most, you will be posed a challenge to face it yourself. Or perhaps, you had always been that vulnerable, you had always been alone.

So far life has been great. Life has always been great. Because you are always given another alternative to look at things, another opportunity to spice things up, another chance to everything. Life is that fair; if we learn to cherish. Right ?

anyway, i had been burying myself into piles of notes that i didn't have time to think of anything else, except my results. I didn't go shopping anymore, i didn't even use the computer. I was cooped up at home, revising. And in fact, i was so stressed up over this MYEs that my mind blanked out during the real papers. My teacher says she would rather i blank out now than during Os. But then again, she had no idea how much i want to do well in this paper. The sole purpose of doing well is not to give myself a reason to not going back to school during the holidays, but i wanted to do well since i put in so much efforts. and i don't want to always breeze through my papers through luck and nothing else. however, the fact that i cleared my doubts for each subject during this MYE cheered me up quite a lot compared to the previous times ( :

I just have to accept the results, and the accept the fact that I'm viewed through results.

Anyway, thees few months weren't easy for anyone of us i believe. I went back to visit my great grand ma in the midst of all these, she was down with an illness. was very upset bout it, but somehow, he always manage to cheer me up,a bit. haha.

:DDD

anyway, yesterday was fun because i finally tasted the joy of complaining after long shopping walks. first with the girls, then with lings. lings&i played badminton with my younger siblings. hahas. it was fun just sweating out and knowing that despite of all the frauds, i still can feel contentment in this life.

oh, and just something for all to look at, something which i thought was nice, because it's proudly drawn by me ( : i assume it's a robot posing with a victory sign.

KISS ME TO HEAVEN

-Yuhan, wants to be called Kyra, because it is a nice name.