i've been telling myself i'll blog i'll blog i'll blog for so freaking long and now that i'm here i jus feel like deleting this blog lol. but no i knw i'll wan to read back my thoughts someday.

=x i think it's so true wad wen said, that it's easier to blog when you're emo then when you're feeling happy. and the worse thing is trying to blog when you have so many emotions running through you lol. it's a lil wierd to go "hey blog i'm currently feeling pissed lazy happy excited scared wierd sad depressed and uh, contradictive". -.-

two more weeks till school reopens. except that i wont be going back to dhs anymore.. yea i got into vj. =) after all the tears & the fears and the confusion i've decided to just go. as much as i'm sure of my choice i'm going to miss dunman high alot. there're many things i wont forget, like how teachers really try to show they care; folding paper birds for every single student.. the karaoke stress-relief sessions.. writing jiayou notes before exam and all the best notes after that. i wont forget my frens.. the times we slack around the classroom or canteen.. the times we walk round and round the track just talking.. i wont forget the games the laughter or the simple everyday fun-ness of my school life there.

but as wad melissa said, secondary's school is "home". and jc is "family".. home's comfortable. home's where you are not afraid to do wad you want to do. but home's also where you scratch your butt, fart or burp. home can be ugly at times... yes indeed. i'm not a bad student, but sometimes i miss classes. or miss school. becos i dont care. & becos i knw i can get away with it. i'm comfortable with home. but it's time i step away from it isnt it? hah. i'll have to leave sooner or later, why not now?

cos at the end of the day, it's jus choosing where i want to take my A lvls. and i'm sorry. i feel like a traitor, but my parents & i both think that if i can why not choose to take it at somewhere which is experienced in handling the exam? meanwhile, i'm kinda excited and scared at the same time to meet new ppl & jus have fun. =xbut ya la i've worked hard and i will continue to work hard. becos like wad darling said "I do hope and wish that two years later we'll be in the same situation: trying hard to get into the same school(university) and ending up being god-damned happy 'cause our dream came true once again." Agreed! =D next stop, medical school!

i'm really sure i want it. doctor eunice lim. somedays i look at myself and think; how is it possible? me, 157cm tall, small-sized and small-brained. i wonder if i'll ever have to skill, the knowledge and the expertise to take a knife and cut it through someone lying on the operating table. someone breathing. someone with life. and one mistake can take away his life. and probably ruin the lives of those waiting outside the room for him. but i want to be able to do it, to be able to help, to be able to cure.. & i'm willing to learn for years to do it.

sometimes i think i'll make a really bad doctor. becos the one secret to my not-so-bad results (to me_..) is SLEEP. never ever plan anything the day before exam, jus sleep man! haha. but now, when i work, i find that when i'm tired i'm jus cranky. when i'm cranky i'm impatient. when i'm impatient i'm careless. and then, i make mistakes. mistakes that i cant make. like mixing up curam & lacteofort and telling the patient to dissolve curam in water omg it'll probably ruin the curam. =x

i forgot who told me, that when you're interning as a new doctor in the hospital.. it's hell. sometimes you have to work 40 hrs straight. your boss scolds u, patients scold u. and u're jus so used to being awake that even when you're taking a few hrs nap u're not really sleeping... and when u make mistakes, it's becos u're an intern, not becos u havent slept for 3 days.. god. i wonder if i can live through that. now i get pissed off jus becos my lunch is shortened hahaha.

u knw! my sister's boyfren's sister (also 16) got into medicine in Australia!! OMG my dream! and then... she missed the reply date. -.- so they gave her place to someone else. oh my god lah how can like that?! i dont understand. if it means so much to you, how can u forget?

dont let emotions control you, you control them. i think every girl has got moments of cant-stand-so&so... jus feel like shouting out "FUCK OFF FOREVER" or reaching out to strangle that person. (i cant count the number of times i almost strangled woon, that's for sure) jus so freaking pissed off that saying anything or doing anything to let u vent will feel better. but i've learned better since then... sometimes, some things once said or done cant be taken back.. at the end of the day, it's easier to ask urself wad you really want. do you really want to never talk to that person again? do u really want that person dead; or jus to know how pissed u are and hopefully change. it's not easy, but swallow the anger. and once the moment pass things will be fine.

OH the other day i was playing pool with yun, cyn, and woon. i almost died laughing. stupid woon plays pool by trapping the other team or forcing them to hit the black ball in. -.- crazy lah! haha. and i was like asking woon "eh u knw i change job alr?" and he said "ya. i got read ur blog one okay. u got say bad things abt me when when when" LOL. oh dear. i thought woon only uses his com to type six page long history essays. i din know he reads as well. hahahaha.

and we were walking when suddenly cyn made an "arwwgggggghhhh" sound and fell flat on the floor.. we were all so freaked out lah thought she tripped over her laces or sth.. in the end it's becos her phone vibrated and gave her a shock as she thought someone was trying to steal her money. MUAHAHAHAH that girl! care more abt her wallet than her life.

oh yes and i love attachment to cheshire home. it's jus how simple activities can mean so much. it's jus how talking abt nothing, (like what's the best boob size or wad's the best way to show that eunice is taller than shawn) can be fun. =)

alright so in conclusion of this long & quite senseless and pointless blogpost.. i guess i jus wanna say im enjoying the present and looking forward to the future.. and that.. im a lousy blogger and shld delete my blog. lolol.

goodbye.