today i realise that when people say, "i know how you feel..".. it's a lie.

becos they dont. they might think they do. but fact is, they dont.

i should know, i alws say that. becos i alws thought i knew. or perhaps i thought it'd make the person feel better.. today i realise that until it happens to you, you wont knw how it feels..

you can try to understand, try to feel.. try to imagine what it must be like.. try to say the right words.. all these makes a difference...

but the bottomline is. you dont know.


for all i know, i may not know what i'm feeling too. i'm sick of struggling to find the right words.. sick of trying to say sth which is i dun even know what. perhaps some things are better left unsaid.

-.- i bet no one has any idea wad i'm talking abt. which, in another sense, is what i'm talking abt. HAHA.

rah. i'm sick of differentiating all those stupid X's, den integrating them back to get the same stupid X's again. why differentiate them in the first place if you're going to get them back?!? and anyway, the whole process is stupid. im so traumatised by maths quiz.

attended a wedding last night. feels good to dress up again! though knowing you're eating a hundred dollar dinner feels =x.. (can i have the hundred dollars instead? haha!) the ambience was so good. real unusual wedding dinner, where everyone sat in small sofa-tables... any number at any table!



mummy and daddy blended in with the table cloth. lolol..
eurgh!! ugly fringe. :(

and the most embarassing thing happened. see, my mummy has 13 or 14 siblings and some of them are grand people liao... i'm supposedly attending the wedding of my niece.. and... i have no idea who she is. so i went up to this girl standing at the door in a white dress and said "congratulations!!" den... i realised she's the bridesmaid. oh god.

it's alws the same. you say hi. they ask u how old you are, from what school. then they say, oh how fast you've grown! you smile. a few months later, they meet you and ask you how old you are, and from what school.. and.. you realise they've never remembered you in the first place.

strange isnt it? i'm so close to my daddy's relatives, but my mummy's relatives i cant even recognise. i feel like a mixblood. -.- cos daddy's family are so buddhist, and mummy's so christian. every time my uncles start talkin to me abt god my daddy's face changes. lol. kinda amusing really... i have two pastors and two monks & a nun related to me.. o.O

but we're all family. and i find it amazing how total strangers come tgt becos of a so-called blood bond.. cos it's sth that'll nv break.. that's really forever. unlike the bond even btw the closest of frens. or even the sweetest couple. till when two gets married, their whole lives become intertwined. everyone they knew gets tgt to celebrate the marriage. two whole families get joined tgt.... somehow i cant wait till i find that person, someone who i want to share everything i've ever known with. someone who i can trust just like i'll trust my bloodbonded family. but.. how is it possible? is it possible to trust someone so much, to give your entire life to him? after everything i've learnt... i dont see how. my mum said when she met my dad at 14, she knew she'll give her whole life to him. =) i hope i'll surprise myself when i meet the right one.

see, you dnknw wad im talking abt again. =( lolol!