Wednesday, August 01, 2007
.... i forgot what i wanted to blog about.
i think it's about not being able to welcome August yet. The mixed feelings in me, i really loathe them. As much as i want to end this O's as soon as possible, the other half of my being had been trying really hard to tell me that i will not do well for O's and hence i'm dreading it's arrival. I will be presented with disappointments, my parents' words ringing by my ears every moment, and maybe i wouldn't know how to look into my teachers' eyes, teachers who placed high hopes in teaching me.
Sometimes i feel torn being myself and another myself. I have no problem being confident in front of everyone, even when i step into the examination hall, previously. Yet, when placed in front of a mirror, all i see is a strong shell with nothing beneath. I am so scared, even before i hold the pen. It would be such a joke to be beaten by pure facts and formulas.
Whatever it is, Prelims nearing, O's after it. I really want to embrace them with confidence and not finish my papers with uncertainties. But, i really don't know where to start. I feel very much like giving up on Biology though. As much as Paper 2 is smiling at me, it's not helping when paper 1 is going to pull me way down. ):
Alright, August has come and is going to give way to September,October and finally my long awaited November. Birthdays are crashing down, no, arriving like rain drops from the sky. Happy Birthday Linda, i'm sorry i've yet to get your present. Happy birthday Cherry, I bought your present, just waiting for you to ask me out (: Happy birthday jianee, urm, a meal with you i agree! Then soon it will be my dad's, brother's, tsesee's, brother's, mum's, mine, cher's. Really upset, because i don't think i can celebrate them with my fullest energy, half of me will be occupied with formulas which i'm certain i am not going to touch them after i graduate, the other half trying to convince myself that i am capable of good results.
Yeps, i can. Because i am Yuhan (:
