urgh. first week of school and already all my weekends are packed for things like project, cip, and more projects. =x

jus came home from LA documentary filming.. i so love my LA group. hahaha. in short, we get things done. in long, we're dramatic, crazy, ridiculous, and we have hell loads of fun while getting things done. : D i hope it turns out alright though.

anyway, if only we can all teleport. there's always this problem of lateness, with everyone, everywhere... and when people wait for long, people end up getting angry. and thus, ruining a day. heyyy im often on the late end, so i knw. it's not like we wanna be late or wad! it's always the public transport's fault. *nods aggressively* it's also furstrating to be trapped in a bus stop or sth.

was at d bus stop today when i saw this woman trying to handle her five children.. who were like, screaming, shouting, pinching each other or sth. and i thought... if i was her, i'd proably smack one, strangle one, breathe fire at one, tear one apart, and cook the last one. lol! and then i wondered why im so mean. maybe becos they're like, LOUD. or maybe becos they're so WILD.. or maybe... becos i've grown up. i can remember a time where i wondered why all grown ups are always so busy, so easily irritated, so.. not fun. and now, im like that.

once my fren told me i look the kind who wun wanna have children. i was surprised. i lovee children. when i was small i wanted to be a mother of five okay. now, i tink i'd be happy being a mother of two. i wonder when i grow older will i think i have no time for children & dun want any at all? a part of me has always remained young, childish. but another part of me no longer has the patience, the time to play with little kids. and that's bad. if i continue being the way i am now, busy with my work, my frens, my life, having no free time, no patience.. i might become the successful woman i've always wanted to be. i might become the doctor i've always dreamed to be. but.. i'd make a horrible, horrible mother.

noooo. i musnt forget.. not to judge or look down on children, ever. i wanna be a great mum, and so, im determined to learn everything that i need to learn for my children.. including how to be patient. :)

on thurs we watched a documentary on abortion in bio class. we were forewarned about the gruesome-ness of it. and it was pretty bad, tearing the baby apart and pulling them out piece by piece. it was bloody. but at the same time.. i must say i don't agree that abortion should be banned or anything. i agree it's cruel.. but i feel it's necessary if you really cant help it. An unwanted birth, or a birth that'll bring health, or other problems will only lead to a sad, long life. an unwanted existence. why not end the existence before it began. yes, it aint right to deprive the baby of a chance to live at all, but maybe it'll go somewhere better? what if you giving this baby this "right" to live, will only lead to misery in other's existence? & as cruel as it is.. it's a medical process. to terminate a fetus before it came into this world. if it's born as a hated existence, it'll be worse. what if people kill it when it's already born? wun it even be more painful?

abortion's really a complicated issue. it'll of course be better to give birth and put it up for adoption.. some doctors feel that abortion is murder. but i feel that it's only a process. you wouldnt feel bad to dig the embryo of an egg of out the egg would you? isnt it the same? it's technically alive too. it has a chance too. maybe im a heartless and horrible person. or maybe im really suited to be a doctor. haha.

i thought i'd cry. i cry easily. and my bio teacher said that girls have cried after watching this video. but i din cry.. which made me realise why i often cry. it's the helplessness that always got to me. the fact that the way it's just the things ARE, and even if i dun like it there's nth i can do. nothing at all. i hate this. i wish i have the power to do many things. but i just don't. i wish i can make somebody who has changed change back, but i just cant. i hate the fact that too many a times, you just have to accept it.. and watching that film, i know that the mother had a choice, and she wanted it. and that's that.

there's so much to be done. and nothing i feel like doing, at all.