all of us.

in d monorail.

girls! the winner of the ice-and-water race.. =) =)

and the main focus of this photo is NOT the poor old uncle named ivan sitting abandoned on the beach... it's the clouds and palm trees behind.. it's a beautiful day!

hee sorry but the rest of the beach photos aint for your eyes. =P

hmm and of course, there were shopping trips. orchard. bugis. toa payoh. marina sq. tampines. suntec. vivocity. i love my girlfrens. much much.

i call this photo.. try no buy. HAHA.. i rly love this top. =x but oh well. sigh. budget!


this photo TOTALLY failed to capture the scenery of vivocity at night, but heys, it was a nice try.. do go see for yourself though. =)

and of course, going on a ferry with my family was sure a nice break.. my family loves the sea and the seabreeze. just like me. =)

omg i have tweety bird hair. look at the three strands poking out. =O

iced mocha and icecream. oh god, heavenly.

and we met up to celebrate yifan's bday tday! =D so good to see the 4B people again... =) ate at hann's... uhh, our range of topic covers from schoolwork to religion to a guy who ate his dick. LOL.

i do so hope the birthday girl likes the cake and the presents! =D happy sweet seventeen! yeah still sweet at 17 dnworry... im glad you love the bag, cos we walked for one whole day, went to 3 different ripcurls, and still bought the first bag we saw. ask ms lee siuling why.. haha! but oh well. it was love at first sight. for me anyway.

hee. it's been a long week summed up in an even longer post. it has been yet another holiday. eventful, yes. but nt exactly fulfilling.. me & cyn's studying plan just flopped apart. haha!

i realised it's been a long time since i blogged fully abt wad's bothering me.. simply becos it's gonna be long and boring. or the real truth is that im afraid of being judged. afraid of baring a part of my feelings and thoughts to the world, you nv knw who's reading your blog afterall. even i like reading blogs of people who aint really frens, jus ppl i knw.

reading abt wad's going on in my life aint really abt reading abt wad's going on with ME, if you get wad i mean... & reading wen's blog i realise dat i too, miss the eu that blogs without thinking.. without caring.. who can talk abt sensitive things dat're truly bothering me. i mean, it doesnt really matter what people think, aint it?

of course, i'd still recommend you to click the X at the upper left hand corner or just skip to the next entry, cos it's pretty boring.

so.. how am i? the question i hate to answer. i am still the same i guess. dreaming impossible daydreams. reading books dat i knew will make me cry. being silly and retarded. loving to shop, to talk, to walk. loving the rain, the sun, and the perfectly clear cotton-candy-clouds days. hurting over the same old things.

but im worried. im confused. im lost. i dnknw wad i want anymore. and i hate it.. i hate how nothing is ever "right" or "wrong". or how by the time you find out it's usually too late. i dont want to rush into things, i want to be absolutely 100% sure. but how? there's alws a what if.. i love how you never fail to make me laugh.. how i can just be myself when im with you. how you always make everything seem a little better. but i also like how simple things are now. it's easier this way.

and i cant. i just.. cant. i doubt anyone will understand why.. i dont understand it myself. but a part of me just refuses to let go of a broken thread dat's hurting me. or pherhaps like someone said, it's just tied to me. and the more i pull it away from me, the tighter it goes. i cannot deny it's existence, i just have to accept it and move on. but it aint easy. esp you aint making it easy. i nv want to talk abt this, but there're people who knew through just one look that im hurting.. and they tell me i've gotta stop living in denial and talk abt it. me? i jus wanna get away.

i want to leave. i want to get out of dunman high. it aint a bad place, it has nice people, and the school rules are perfectly reasonable. but im sick and tired of the harsh judgements. not just by students, but by teachers as well. once i have this friend from another school who told me he heard from this girl in my school that i tried to seduce so-and-so and i have attitude problem.. oh wth? it aint the first time but i usually get bimbo or airhead instead.

thinking abt it makes my blood boil. i've never even talked to that girl before in my life.. and hello. im a sixteen(almost) year old girl. the only possible way i can think of to seduce a guy is by uhh, asking harry potter to brew me a love potion.. ugh. nobody knws wad rly happens and yet everyone has a story of their own. it sucks.

and im sick and tired of all the bimbo crap.. i really really hate this stereotype. i mean, if you knw me, i dun deny i often get retarded and silly and airheady.. but if you dont den you're jus judging me cos of the pink factor, and it jus aint right. im no smartbrain, but im no bimbo. i might not be the most knowledgeable person on earth, but im not, NOT, a stupid dumb woman. i've come to believe that abt myself. thinking myself incapable of accomplishing big things, of becoming a doctor.. which is, stupid. i worked hard, got damn lucky, and got a gpa of 3.43.. it doesnt show anything.. but at the start of the year when i said i wanted a gpa of 3.2 everyone laughed. see? dont look down on me.

i kept hearing all these judgements, passed in a small school where everyone knws everyone and people talk abt one another. it's getting to me. i jus wanna go somewhere else where a coloured hairband wun give you "aa" badges. i jus wanna go somewhere where there're more people like me. where there's more life than just grades and ccas. there're other factors.. but the main point is that im ready for sth else, and i wanna leave. that's all. it's not influence or anything.

but im hesitant. here, now.. i have true frens who i knw knows me. who told me they dun care if im a bimbo or wad cos it's me. everyone judges.. how can i be sure the people at other places wun judge? im very happy now, kinda.. do i rly wanna leave all these for sth unknown?

the day i found out i was coming to dhs, after mths of wanting to come.. i was happy at first after i heard the news, i sat down and cried for 2 hrs straight before i started calling people to tell them the news..

i dnknw i dnknw i dnknw. i'm so near. so near yet so far to my one-way-ticket out of here. i dnknw if i will go in the end, but i wanna make sure i at least have the choice... so once school starts, it's back to mugging. i really want that gpa.. god, help me.

phew. wad a long long post.. it feels good.

wun be blogging much anymore i tink.. cos sch's starting soon.. and i've got a mountain of undone hw that i need to flatten.

=x of course, im meeting up once more with yun and wen some days to go shoppingggg! heyyy cut me some slack, i do need to buy many things. and it's the great singapore sale! it's national duty to go shop.

爱 我却不能给你我全部
我能给的却又不是你想要拥有的
我们不适合也不想认输
好几次我们抱着彼此都是想要哭

(: music saved my life.