What’s more scary than not knowing what’s going on in my heart? It might be strange to say that I don’t know what’s I’m feeling, or even how I’m supposed to feel. At the end of the day, you may give up and lose all your precious possessions, yet those concrete feelings never go away, however, I’ve fallen to such a point that I’m not feeling anything at all.
These few days, I’m constantly triggered to cry. In the past, those familiar tears would drop down in regret, the sobs shake my body and I would cry as I trembled. Yet now, I no longer let those tears flow. Everything would be just fine the next moment.
Perhaps I was too tired of living up to people’s expectations. When I was young, I remember I would always do well in my grades and do my parents proud. I became a daughter they could boast about. I was a good daughter. They never knew, it was difficult to constantly keep up with the expectations. They always want more, more and more. I see my siblings playing so happily, like they hold no concern towards their future. I see myself trying so hard to do my parents proud. Gradually, I felt a heavy burden on my shoulder. I felt like suffocating so much that I wanted to break free. I am still their daughter, but they now think of me as a bad daughter, because I’m not doing what they wanted.
I’ll always remember the times when I told my mum I want to be a doctor. She would always beam at me. I knew that was her aspiration since young, I thought by working towards that she would have a good life and also, she would feel she was close to being a doctor.
I’ll always remember the times when they shower more love on my brother.
