was on the phone with a fren of mine whose parents locked him up...

he was angry and miserable and wanted to jump out of the window... i dnknw wad to say. i've never been locked up before, it certainly musnt feel good. he told me it's worse than being in jail, being locked up without a good reason. it aint against the law to come home everyday at 3+4am isnt it?

"no it's not." i said quietly.

he doesnt understand. he doesnt realise. it's just for awhile.. i can understand his anger. i can empthatise with him.. but i cant exactly sympathise with him. sometimes people need to be reminded who's the one in charge. that there's some authority. when given too much freedom, sometimes people burst.

often i complain abt having too much to do.. or i complain on days dere're nothing to do. but even in nothing to do, dere's something to do. watch tv. read book. watch anime. talk online. talk on phone. go out walkwalk. can you imagine being locked up, with nothing to do. just facing four walls? it's really NOTHING.

can you just close ur eyes and imagine? i really cant. i think i'll go crazy.

ten yrs. fifteen yrs. five. twenty. it's all numbers reported in the news. sometimes.. life imprisonment. but life in jail.. i cant imagine.

maybe the reason why im feeling so bothered by this issue. is that someone very close to me have been in jail once. and just hearing him talk abt it makes my heart break.. and as far as im concerned, he doesnt deserve to be in jail.

lock them up! we say. murderers, theives, drug-traffickers. lock them in jail and throw away the key. i've heard. what the hell?

maybe im just an ignorant and naive girl. but can you imagine life for them? it makes me cringe. though they've really made mistakes. some too serious to just be forgiven, but at least, we MUST give them a chance when they come out.

"yellow-ribbon!!"

=D and i swear. if one day... ten, twenty years down the road, i will try.. maybe i'll implement some programmes, sth for them to do in jail.. maybe i'll be a counsellor. social worker. employer. wadever. i will make a difference. in all the horrible things going on in the world. sickness. illiterates. unfairness. i might not make a big difference, but i can try.

i knw wad u're thinking.. noble aspirations, unrealistic in real life. i sure hope not. i belive i will de, okay.

i hope i nv forget these dreams of mine.

i pray no one around me will ever makes mistakes. commit crimes and be locked up. please.. think twice.

I always have this really childish thought - by being positive about the most negative thing is life. I was just glancing through this book, and this line caught my attention, " Now, life has just started. " It seems like it's a sentence full of ambiguities or underlying meanings, what am I supposed to infer from it then?

I just kept thinking about it, and perhaps I should focus on the term LIFE. Many of us here, contain lots of questions with regards to our lives. What's going to happen to us ten years down the road ? Why did we do that mistake ? When will we die ? When will we start a family ? This kind of questions will never end, and perhaps to sum it up, " What is life? "

Maybe in the end, no one has an answer to it. Some would say, study, work, marry, give birth, die. Others, fulfilling your happiness. Making full use of everyday. Eating all the good food..

Ask yourself this then,

Is this really what you want to be?
Are you content growing up and old with a life like this?

Then remember this,

You grow up, then old, and forgetting a lot of things.
You forget your dreams.


Oxymoron huh ?


Actually, I just wish to hit all my goals, and I must be happy doing everything. Remember Eunice, when trouble strikes, I never fail to laugh it off ? But today i realised, life doesn't revolve around trying to be happy. From all the emotional breakdowns, I'm able to learn something from them. And there are some mistakes I don't want to repeat, and some consequences i can't face.

And for me, Life has just started indeed.

Humans will only cherish when they've lost it. I totally agree. I read my brother's blog, and he claims how much he misses an uncle, who passed away last year. "I miss him a lot, I always do - until that night last year when my mother came into my room whispering to me Uncle died in his sleep. I was stupid I was dumb. I skipped going to his funeral in M'sia thinking that whoever my girlfriend was that time will be lonely in Singapore and my friends here were too important to not even see them for a day ; just to see little of my uncle's funeral. "

i think it's crap. If he really did cherish, he wouldn't have regretted. He would be happy thinking that Uncle is having a better life somewhere out of this world. He wouldn't be so remorseful now. At least he knows how to regret ? As far as I'm concerned, regret only lost to disappoint, being the second worse feeling. Because when you are disappointed, you know that you've tried hard. Whereas, regret means that you didn't grab hold of that chance presented to you. It was a gift, which most people would choose to neglect. Instead of dwelling on this dumb mistake of his, I feel that he should do something to his relationship with us, who are still alive and kicking. I may sound a bit mad here, but i cannot allow him to regret again. Oh well, i wish i have the guts to tell him all that I've said here, but apparently i do not. Nut case.

On a lighter note, Netball was fun. When we doing the drills, I do not why but i feel a sudden sense of unity. Alright, Eunice, I've sorted almost everything out (: [ say I'm smart darling, haha ! ]

Oh Mickey you're so fine,
You're so fine, you blow my mind
Hey Mickey !

"if you're good, you're good. if you're bad, you're bad. That's all there is to it. You cant change the way you're made. And even if you could, it wouldnt be down to you. It's your genes. It's all in your genes, your DNA. Asking someone to change is like asking a rock to change color -it cant be done. Simple as that. You dont clame a rock for being rock-coloured, do you? You don't say - come on rock, you can do better than that, you can be bright blue if you try. No, you are what you are and there's nothing you can do about it."

cos im lost btw who i want to be, and who i really am.. dere're days i love myself. and days i hate myself.

but u knw wad? it doesnt matter. i cant, shouldnt, and wouldnt change myself.. not for anyting in the whole wide world. =) i am who i am. & i feel accepted and loved.

so maybe im the typical girl u alws see. vulnerable. clueless. ordinary. maybe im destined to play the sidekick in every story. the girl who is just another drop in the ocean. a radish in a bunch of roses. but you know what. im happy. i really am.

just being able to make you smile can make me happy.. i wished im leading a more exciting chapter of my life, but at the same time, it's these simplest times dat makes me the happiest. =D

why.. if i were to step out and look at myself, i might not even like myself.. but i love being me. i love everyone around me. and i hope they love me too!

pinkness makes me smile.

cant help being pink. =D

even my tortise is pink. (on d left is cynthia's zhaocaijingbao) LOL. mine is wayy cuter can.

i knw it'll be forever. cant help being a..

HU MEIYUN says: like i care if ur a bimbo or not lah

Loves to my jiemei. went to the flea market today of all the blogshops! bought a nice shoulder bag! =D hahaha. thanks to my bargaining skills. i wun paiseh one okay! =P cynthia will probably faint knowing i bought my 87th bag.. cant help it. met kc dere. poor boy got lost. HAHAH noob.. last nite he played the piano for me on the phone and i fell aslp. -_- my great ambitions of doing homework went down the drain..

me n meiyun also had great plans to finish homework and go for my first-ever tuition lesson. but then again, there were SHOPS. we tried. ): tried to pull eachother away from the shops. but still. it's like there's this magnet attracting us to the shop. =D we're SHOPPAHOLICS.

tuition was cool! she was like, oh from dunman high? do u knw faith ang...? den i.. OMG SHE SITS BESIDE ME!!!! hahaha. wad a small world! den we had such a sumptous meal in 85marker. it was crazily delicious. lol.

love having talks dat i could say wadever i want without holding back.. love feeling d connection. =)

i want so badly for some time to read. just wanna get out of my own world for awhile.

have you ever looked up in the sky and see shapes in the clouds? i can spend hours just looking at the sky... seeing. i dnknw why im like that. i dnknw why things like the sky, the sea can amaze me. people. we think the world revolve around us, but really, we're just a small peck of matter, a small dot if u see from above. we dun really matter. even without any one of us, even without all of us, the earth wun stop revolving.

me: oh look at that cloud, it looks like a bear. a pooh bear!
kath: nooo it looks like a frog!
me: it's a bear!
kath: it's a frog!
meiyun: it's a CLOUD lah..
us: TSK.

=) u knw what.

love can change a person.

friends can influence.

but family.. makes up who you really are.

You must not know 'bout me
You must not know 'bout me
I can have another you by tomorrow
So don't you ever for a second get to thinkin'
You're irreplaceable..

whydoesyrworldstillrevolveardhim?

What’s more scary than not knowing what’s going on in my heart? It might be strange to say that I don’t know what’s I’m feeling, or even how I’m supposed to feel. At the end of the day, you may give up and lose all your precious possessions, yet those concrete feelings never go away, however, I’ve fallen to such a point that I’m not feeling anything at all.

These few days, I’m constantly triggered to cry. In the past, those familiar tears would drop down in regret, the sobs shake my body and I would cry as I trembled. Yet now, I no longer let those tears flow. Everything would be just fine the next moment.

Perhaps I was too tired of living up to people’s expectations. When I was young, I remember I would always do well in my grades and do my parents proud. I became a daughter they could boast about. I was a good daughter. They never knew, it was difficult to constantly keep up with the expectations. They always want more, more and more. I see my siblings playing so happily, like they hold no concern towards their future. I see myself trying so hard to do my parents proud. Gradually, I felt a heavy burden on my shoulder. I felt like suffocating so much that I wanted to break free. I am still their daughter, but they now think of me as a bad daughter, because I’m not doing what they wanted.

I’ll always remember the times when I told my mum I want to be a doctor. She would always beam at me. I knew that was her aspiration since young, I thought by working towards that she would have a good life and also, she would feel she was close to being a doctor.

I’ll always remember the times when they shower more love on my brother.

And now I know, I just have to be happy being myself, so long as I’m not a parasite to the society. I don’t have to give them an explanation. I don’t have to be who they want me to be.

Very often, we carry baggages from the past and as a result we react accordingly. The fear that we might not be who we are in the past, the fear that we would be a different person. Everyone's changing, but who's there to stop ? And what's to stop if the individual has no discipline and shame, but only stubbornness and nothing else ?

Those baggages are like a ball and chain holding onto us, restricting and hindering our path forward. In order to move ahead, we need to acknowledge and let go of our past. Memories, i never thought of them as bad. I love to reminisce. However today, i realised what I've been staring at on my room's walls, are frozen smiles. Behind those smiles, are shallow memories. For the pursuit of a greater identity, for the pursuit of fame, for the pursuit of happiness.. Almost everyone puts on a facade, presenting nothing but insincerity, abandoning the innocence within.

When we were so innocent, the smiles were vibrant and brimming. Yet as we aged, problems from this pragmatic society take us on and we are constantly led on to find a better identity for all the advantages we would be provided. We tend to work towards a better label, to hit the targets of what gives us identity-results, characters, parents etc.

Shallow. At this point of time, how i feel don't matter anymore. What i feel is right, is wrong to the society. It's a shame and disgrace to them. Too rigid, too inflexible, too protective towards their own interests. What gave them the rights to criticise me, put me down, when they are just a bunch of fake people. Who is good and who is bad to me, I know. Even if im wrong in my perspective, leave me alone, let me regret alone. Return me the right to choose. You don't have to bear the responsibility of what happened to me, because it's my own choice. For your own reputation, you restricted my actions, you sneered at my choice of friends. I don't like it. You are too selfish for your own good.


Yet I'm able forget about the comments, the memories, i'm thus freed of the ball and chain. I am thus able to move forward at a greater speed. And im afraid daddy, you are the one who has to sit back and watch how your daughter succeed, and even if she fails, she picks up stronger than before. She never knows how to regret, she only knows how to hug herself and console herself, she never wallows in self-pity, she loves herself, more than daddy loves her.

people say, time heals all.

i disagree. time doesnt make things disappear. it just let things fade slowly. till you get used to it. till the wound becomes a scar. till the scar becomes a memory. till you forget it once existed.

but you knw wad?

time isnt a medicine. it's just an evil ploy.. a ploy to destroy. everyting fades with time. everyone changes. and when they don't change tgt, they drift..

let's not get used to it.

it's like what, the second day of school? and already the holidays seems like a few yrs ago.. -_- it feels like forever that my wake-up-at-6-and-sleep-at-1 routine has been going on. it seems like always that there's work to be done. =( and im really tired of being tired. tired of worrying abt a failing mark. tired of not getting good grades.. sigh. it feels like grades are everything dat surrounds me now. oh god. i need a life.

this week i've been to bugis 2 times. last week i've been there 5, and the week before, nearly everyday. omg. bugis is my second home. -__- cos aiyah, near my hse mah. got bubble tea. =) and eyecandies. LOL.

One fine day, me n a certain crazy woman decide to try on all the clothes we'll nv buy. hahaha.



layering.. but omg. wad a colour. *pukes* hahaha.


social suicide or kawaii-ness? you decide.



I HATE TUBE-DRESSES. they drop. *blush*




ugly like shit. like uniform liddat. haha.




my fellow crazyness. =)





and look wad a nice, comfortable shoes meiyun bought. WRONG. it gave us both blisters.. yes being eu-nice, i was so nice i traded shoes with her. but i buay ta han lor.. super pain! looks can be deceiving.


so why not let's buy sth like this next time.

=D im so gonna buy sth liddat... but i should be prepared to amputate my feet after wearing them out.. lol.

Well, it actually dawned on me that this seemingly holiday is coming to an end, and I’ve done nothing to that stack of homework. But I wouldn’t say I spent this week doing nothing. It was fun, great fun really. Just playing with my younger siblings, whom I’ve always thought to be irritating, I realized they are cute sometimes. My dad’s favoritism is getting more and more serious; I can do nothing about it. Just live it on, he’s the one giving me financial support after all. I’m that practical!

Over the weekend, I feel like visiting the park with my sister. I promised to go kite flying with her and I really want to be a good sister. Like right now, I’m patiently guiding her with her schoolwork. Then, I realized she has the potential of being a doctor; her biology is better than mine! I don’t deny that Biology has never been my forte, but it’s amazing how a primary five kid can get those terms into her head within a short period of time. And I actually spent one whole term memorizing that seemingly easy rubbish.

Things at home aren’t really good nowadays. I don’t know what is he going be in future, it seems that his life is in a big mess and I can’t really do anything to help him. I feel so redundant sometimes. Actually it all depends if he’s willing to share his sorrows with me, and I cannot point a gun to his temple, forcing him to pour out everything. The frequent quarrels with my dad aren’t helping either. I just don’t understand why does he suddenly oppose of me being in a relationship. And now he forbids me to go anywhere else. He wants me to be a housewife I think.

In the midst of all these, i guess everyone needs a break. Take a look at this picture, i had a good laugh over it (:

com's down. using sis's laptop now... screw it. why do i feel a sense of insecurity without my com? =/ i cant live without my com!! ahh.

all d photos n work n songs n everyting! ahhhhhhhhh.

had a hell load of fun at k-ing with my mahjong karkees today!! hehe.. me n meiyun practically screamed our way through.. with dramatic actions somemore! hahaha. & cyn n woon got so excited singing oldies... itwas so hilarious we ended up collapsing in laughter... xD jumping on the couch earned me many stares from everyone passing by, but oh well. who cares.

we all agreed it was the highest session of k we ever had.. i love k!!

later we went mp library den to ms. low's hse to hand in maths assignment... she's so nice she invited us in and we chatted. =) it rly aint easy being a teacher, but i knw i'll rmb ms. low always... and i shall study for the maths test! like, tomorrow!

oi tomorrow will come okay.



=( been feeling so emo lately. angry at the slightest things. screw those hormones...! i need prozacs.


i can shut my eyes and refuse to see.
but how do i shut my ears and not hear...?

why are you asking questions dat you already know the answer to..?

you knew it would. and so it did.
it hurts. it haunts.
i jus wanna slp at night. =x

HAPPY SWEET SIXTEEN, TANG!!


here's presenting.. WENPIG.


on a throne of PINK..

this girl tang, her name's wenyi.
really crazy n she's my bestie.
don't ask me why. she's so fine.
(YO WENYI YOU'RE SO FINE!
YOU BLOW MY MIND! YOU ATE MY PIE! YO WENYI!
yo yo yo wenyi!)
if you need a helping hand,
remember im ur man,
if you need a listening ear,
remember im alws here.
love the talks & the walks.
ms. tang you rly rock.
thankyou for being dere to share my fears.
the one who knows best how i feel.
& i may not be able to wipe away ur tears,
but i'll try to alws put a smile back.
If you look back, you'll realise i never left,
and if you look forward,
i promise you i wouldnt either.

have a wonderful year ahead, my dear.

MALAYSIA TRIP 10th march


hehe. and it was yet another trip to those visit-once-and-nv-be-back-again places. kinda interesting tho! and i loveeeeeeee the seafood.


the restaurant is directly on top of water!!


hard to believe dere're still these kind of houses hor..