went to send my sister off this morning... she's going to Auzzie for 3weeks.

for the next three weeks,

no one will wake me up at 3am in the morning because she wants to "talk".
no one will fight with me for the bathroom.
no one will pester me to clean up the room.
no one will flood my inbox asking me to go home when im out, cos she's alone at home.
no one will treat me to pasta mania.
no one will threaten to throw my squishie out of the window.
no one will sing along with the songs playing on the com.

argh.. she's been gone for only a few hours. and i miss her so much already.

x.X but i came home and realised that half of my clothes is gone! omg lahh. i tink she brought enough clothes to change twice everyday.. zzz. okay i dun miss her so much ler. and i can have two rooms, two beds, two tables and two dressing tables to myself! muahahaha.

she wanted me to go along with her, and im sooo tempted.. a long holiday far far away. with the sun, stars and kola bears! -_- but yah, i cant afford to miss the first week of school, and i tink i'll die on the plane, so yea. home it is.

wad's more i've got mountains of homework, people to meet, and a squishie to take care of.

been thinking alot... dere's sth im dreading so much. dreading with every single fibre of my being. everytime i tink of it i feel like dere's a stone in my stomach... it's stupid. it's silly. it's totally retarded.

i've talked to many people about it, even my parents and my sis. everyone said dey'll be dere, and that really helps. but i cant help but be afraid. cos dere's nth to look forward to, but cruelty and failure is to be expected.

argh. im totally crazy. sometimes i look back and i remember. all the people i've lost, relationships that have distanced or soured. all the bad happenings, all the mistakes made i could nv take back. all the things that've changed, all the things dat'll nv be the same. i'll cringe and feel like crying. i'll feel like a totally horrible person and should jus go bang against the wall and die.

but sometimes i'll smile instead. at the fond memories, at the used-to-bes... i'll look at the people i have around me now, my family, and lifelong friends, and i cant help but feel that im pretty lucky after all.

people say, cherish what you have before you lose it. but yet, it's not that as long as you cherish sth deeply, you wont lose it. everything is permanent, nothing stays forever... you noe wad? you can afford to lose.. it's hard when someone is the centre of another's universe, when someone is indispensable... when you feel that you need another, that another is more important than you, it's tiring. even if it's two-sided.

yeahh.. i'm the kind of person who hates to be alone. i've never eaten a meal alone, never watched a movie alone, never shopped alone, never travelled far alone. im usually dependent on others around me. my pirorities are 1) relationships/family/friends 2) things i like 3) myself. 4) dreams 5) studies.

it just doesnt work that way.. it's time for a change... 1) studies 2) dreams 3) myself 4) things i like 5) relationships/family/friends.

haha. it's a nice feeling to be so close to someone, you noe everything abt that person, her friends, her family, her secrets, her wishes.. bla bla.. and it's nice when people know you. yet now i feel like i've lost that special connection with others, and it sucks when you realise you're so far away from people you used to be so close to.

yes. don't probe when you don't really care..

jus came home after a night out with Anthea, my primary school friend. =D supposed to have an outing today! but i freaking forgot. and Ant din wanna go without me, so we had poor samuel waiting alone at the mrt. oh gosh. i promise im gonna make it up to him! but oh well, who plans an outing at 8am?? dinner would be fine.

and yepps! Ant is still as bubbly and fun as ever.. she's like, 145 and insists she 150. HAHA. i must have known her for like what, eight years? and she's still optismistic, cheerful, no matter what.

oh boy. i feel like such a grown up grouch next to her. hehe. Ant is a purple freak like im a pink freak. and we went gaga over all the pink/purple stuff in bugis, plaza sing n mrts. -_-

<3. we should get tgt more! it's cool to have a bestfriend jus next block. hahaha.

thanks girl (though i noe u'll nv read this) for remembering everyting i've ever told you, all the fun times, for alws lending me a jacket when im cold, for making me laugh, and making my day today. :)

yes you're another one who's definitely invited to my wedding. HAHA.

im going to be mugger next year!! *determined*


***


he made me smile, because i felt like smiling for him.
but you.. you made me smile when i feel like crying...

i noe it's wrong, but can you jus hold on to me?

just hold on... for another second.

just a second.

cause that second. is enough to keep me from breaking down.

-eunice